<p>cbug, Be careful not to pre-judge others.
You never really know who the kids are during orientation, so maybe many chose this college for the exact same reason why your son did. Some of the kids may have put on a ‘public’ face, this being orientation, but don’t rush to label.</p>
<p>I don’t think she was prejudged - she said “seemed to be” - the bottom line was/is that orientation left her child feeling uneasy about fitting in - of course, hopefully that will not be the case in the fall, but it’s an awkward feeling to go home with and carry for the next 6 weeks or so before school starts.</p>
<p>My son clicks with pretty much whomever he’s around, at least for the short-term. He did connect with some kids at his orientation, but they didn’t end up becoming his more permanent social group. But he just has a social personality. He makes friends easily and quickly.</p>
<p>My daughter is exactly the opposite. This past academic year was her first away from home, living on campus. She keeps herself very busy with school work and her on-campus job and her music, but I know outside of her roommate she didn’t do much just “hanging around” with friends. I knew it would take her a long time to settle in socially, and fortunately so did she, so this didn’t cause her any undo stress.</p>
<p>It really wasn’t until the spring quarter last year that it felt like she’d built a community of friends. Some came from her major dept., some from the literary magazine staff (which she’d joined early in the year), some from her music performance ensembles, and some that were friends of friends. I think she’s very happy with her social life now. She is also reserved and more of the intellectual bent. There are plenty of those kids at almost any college, but sometimes they take a while to find each other.</p>
<p>I hated everyone in my freshman orientation group! It was seriously the weirdest set of kids, and I couldn’t believe they were actually going to be attending my college. My orientation leader was really odd too. She treated us all like we were in elementary school, and she didn’t enunciate when she spoke so I could hardly understand her. I was so happy to go home when orientation was over!</p>
<p>Thankfully, I never saw or had to associate with any of those people ever again! I made friends lots of other ways, and it all worked out. : )</p>
<p>I remember that I didn’t meet anyone I “clicked” with at my orientation either. I didn’t know a soul at my college, and after orientation I still felt the same way. It was very unsettling! As it turned out, my roommate and I got along really well, I met a bunch of great kids thru two groups I joined, and I had a fantastic four years (also met my eventual hubby there). So OP, tell your son to hang in there, it will probably get better.</p>
<p>My son had a text exchange with a roommate this last Friday that I thought was amusing. He was at his summer job when the texts started rolling in.</p>
<p>Roomy: Hi! I’m xxxx, your new roommate. Just got the information in the mail about who my roommates are.
(This is a 4 bedroom apartment type accomodation, by the way).</p>
<p>Son: Cool.</p>
<p>Roomy: I’ve got a big screen to bring down. What are you bringing?</p>
<p>Son: Dunno. Maybe a fridge, and my PS3…</p>
<p>Roomy: Hey! I’ve got a PS3 too. I’ve got Metal Gear Solid 3 and American Idol Karaoke.</p>
<p>Son: Gotta get back to work…</p>
<p>My son tells me about the text exchange. Mentions the first PS3 Game with the commentary that it’s a good game. Then he mentions the American Idol Karaoke Game. Looks at me, and says “Gay”.</p>
<p>I’m not sure he’s getting into the collegial spirit of things yet, but I cracked up when he said that. First impressions are important. I’m thinking he’s not big on Karaoke. Besides, he might want to think about bring down a few other things, other than just a Fridge and a PS3. Yeesh!</p>
<p>My son is generally reserved and takes a while to warm up to new friends, so he was quiet during his two-day freshman orientation last week. Some of the kids wanted to keep in touch via Facebook but Im not sure if he will participate. He told us afterwards that he didnt meet anyone in his major and wasnt worried about not making a lot of friends during this particular event. </p>
<p>I definitely noticed that the girls tended to be more socially active than the guys, although I did see a fair number of quiet boys and girls during the dinner that was attended by both students and parents.</p>
<p>As I think about it more, I wonder if part of my son’s reluctance to open up more at orientation had something to do with not wanting to let go of his old friends. He is so tight with his current group from high school I think he’s going to be pretty sad to see everyone go their separate ways. Maybe its kind of a subconscious sabotage – “if I don’t let these new people in I don’t have to let go of the old crowd.” Or its Mom over thinking things again – most likely the latter.</p>
<p>^^^ I think that’s a fair guess. And my son would fit into that category as well.</p>
<p>My niece said orientation was like a “black out” experience, people bond over a few hours, nervous and anxious, and then might not talk to you again. She said the same, for her, with facebook. Some new people friended her, said they had to meet, talk, etc. and some barely said hello, others were friendly, but it was superficial.
Real friends come later, real friends take time.</p>
<p>D actually did make friends at orientation. She also met people she never saw again.</p>
<p>My son’s school divided up orientation by major so he was with his fellow music major incoming freshmen. In addition, he went to the last orientation so was also staying in his dorm…with the same bunch of kids. So…yes…he “clicked” with his fellow orientation students.</p>
<p>DD also did the last orientation and also checked into the dorm. She too found friends because of that. </p>
<p>Just FYI…DS went to a huge school. DD went to a small school.</p>
<p>S1 went out with a group of guys fr. his dept. during orientation. Don’t think he ever saw them again. He made new friends on his freshman dorm floor. His roommate was a friend fr. h.s.
S2 went to orientation with a friend (who was also going to be his roommate). I think they talked to other kids but none became friends later.<br>
They ended up friends with guys in the dorm. esp. their suite mates. There were 8 guys in each suite. </p>
<p>Both are/were instate so knew quite a few kids fr. our town who were also attending their schools. Lots of people say they don’t want that but I’m positive that it helped make the transition to see some familiar faces around. Of course they made lots of friends fr. all over too.</p>
<p>OP, don’t worry. Your S will find “his people”.</p>
<p>I’ll be interested to see how this works out with S. Northwestern has a week of freshman orientation in September (Wildcat Welcome) and the first two days have programs for the parents (as well as move in the first day.) For students who are interested, there are three, maybe more, preorientation sessions (on the student’s dime) that include backpacking somewhere in the midwest, getting to know the areas around Chicago, and other themes. Given the size of the pre-sessions, it looks like only a few hundred could attend, so students who don’t won’t be at any disadvantage.</p>
<p>I often ponder, in this age of Facebook, how this helps in the process. My S says he has friended other students from HS around SoCal who will be attending NU. I guess they can all commiserate with each other about the winter weather. I told him not to be surprised if he finds students who’ve never been to SoCal wanting to visit him here, and that if they are his friends, we would welcome them.</p>
<p>I have to laugh at Findaplace’s comment about winter weather. Thirty years ago, I was a freshman at NU from TX. My roommate was from California. We were both in for a rude awakening when the weather started to change. I think we hibernated in our room from October to March - only venturing out for class and meals. You have no idea how cold that wind is coming off the lake until you experience it first hand.</p>
<p>Don’t worry! These experiences are fairly common. Here’s a good thread on the subject from two years ago:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/535410-orientation-angst-did-chosen-school-lose-luster.html?highlight=angst[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/535410-orientation-angst-did-chosen-school-lose-luster.html?highlight=angst</a></p>
<p>Thanks for bumping that up Toledo. </p>
<p>As someone who has posted on this thread about our not-so-perfect orientation experience last weekend, I was surprised to re-read that thread and see these words that I typed on it exactly 2 years ago TO THE DATE of when we were at orientation last week!</p>
<p>My words - which I probably need to take to heart TODAY with my S!:</p>
<p>Maybe expectations for orientation are too high. Orientation tends to be highly structured and for an independent student who is looking forward to life on his own that may be a turn off. While there should be some fun involved, there is a lot of “business” to take care of at orientation - not the same as walking around a campus with other not-newbies and the day to day college life routine.</p>
<p>As far as the student population, orientation can also be tough - may be one of the first times new students are brought together in a large group - everyone may have their guard up to show off their place - whether the smart student, the jock, the party person, whatever - a natural reaction of people in a new situation.</p>
<p>I hope your friends S can resolve his uncertainty!</p>
<p>Ugh. I hated orientation. It was so superficial! All of the kids were trying to act cool and superior, and I found it really irritating. One of my roommates wouldn’t stop telling us about how she lived in Spain, and after over two hours of talking about how worldly she is, we were just like, “WE GET IT!” I didn’t make any friends, and the orientation was just the start of a horrible school year. I ended up transferring to NYU. </p>
<p>Sorry, I kind of just had to get that off my chest. :D</p>
<p>My school has (or had four years ago, anyway) both summer (multiple) orientations and a fall orientation, and students could pick which one they wanted to attend–I chose summer because the early orientations equaled a higher probability of getting the classes I wanted/needed. I met some really nice people who I enjoyed hanging out with during orientation, but none of them really became friends in the longer term (I met my close college friends in my sorority, which I joined spring of my freshman year, though I met other people through clubs, classes, etc., before that). I think, especially in schools with multiple orientations and/or larger freshman class sizes (mine was around 2850), the people you happen to run into orientation may not be the people who you will really interact with school actually starts and may or may not be representative of the student body. I also agree that there’s a lot of nervous “posturing” during orientation in general.</p>
<p>I think the toughest part of being a freshman can be the letters, texts and emails from unknown and unseen future roomates. I know that my roomate many years ago was horrified by my poor handwriting in the letters I sent to her and my offer to bring all my reggae albums along with stereo (she was and is a big sinatra fan). She assumed I was a drug addict and was a bundle of nerves until she actually saw me (clear eyed, no slurred speech and quite nerdy). I was equally terrified as a poor, financial aid dependent kid on having a rich girl from palm beach/NYC debutante as a roomate. We have been friends for 30 years.</p>
<p>Recently, before a summer arts residential program, S got an email from future roomate “joking” about having matching sheets, coordinating decor, etc. We found the cute little emails a little disconcerting and we all were silently worrying what they meant; it turned out, future roomate was trying to give strong clues that he was gay. He was probably as nervous as anyone (coming from a small southern town) and he wanted our S not to be too shocked when they met–he was flamboyantly dressed, with eye makeup, and kinda out there young man. We arrived to a room with scattered pictures of him and his hometown boyfriend (tasteful couple type pictures, but quite a novelty for a southern girl like me where such open homosexuality in an african american boy would have literally been a death sentance in the 1970’s). I was wondering how awkward this would be for 16 year old son…well, welcome to the new age…S’s attitude was that having a very outgoing, gifted singer of a roomate at an arts camp was the best chick magnate in the world and his being gay had the additional benefit of not competing in getting serious with the girls … 4 weeks of absolutely no issues and a good friendship at the end of the program. All that anxiety was sooo wasted leading up to move-in day.</p>