Differences between public colleges in the Midwest and in the East?

Parents Forum
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<p>If a friend dropped by when I was cleaning house, I would definitely invite the friend in, because the friend means more to me than the clean house. If the friend grew up in the Midwest, she/he would realize that a visit that lasted too long in those circumstances was an imposition, but a short-ish visit would be welcome. If one waits until the time is genuinely convenient for both, then one often runs into “How about never? Is never good for you?” </p>

<p>I wouldn’t really understand people who think it’s “fake” to inconvenience oneself. So, yes, I think there are some cultural differences. They’re not insurmountable, but there can be some minor misunderstandings.</p>

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<p>As a New Englander born and bred, I find this bizarre:</p>

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<p>Maybe I’m just not that devoted to cleaning! :)</p>

<p>But I gather that the people who thought that was “fake” behavior were Europeans. Not from the NE.</p>

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<p>KittyCounselor seemed to agree with the Europeans who were the original source of the observation about a visiting friend interrupting cleaning, though, on April 10. (Sorry, I don’t know where/if there is a post number to refer to.)</p>

<p>I have often had students ask, “Are you busy?” when my blood pressure is approximately gasket-blowing from the things that I need to accomplish in a restricted time frame. The thought that goes through my mind is “Yes, come back in 2028.” But I say, “Yes, but come in.” Then they get my full attention while they are in my office. I don’t think of this as fake, but perhaps some would.</p>

<p>There is little enough “niceness” in the world that calling it “fake”–and thereby tending to reduce people’s inclination to show it–seems to me to head in the wrong direction.</p>

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<p>Haha…love this, Hannah.</p>

<p>There are nice and not-so-nice people everywhere. When one is a geographic or other kind of minority in a new place, it’s natural to expect some pretty dumb comments from people. I could give examples of ridiculous things my midwestern-raised kids have heard on both the east and west coasts–as if they were some kind of rare species coming from a part of the country no one had ever visited. Fortunately both of them just laugh it off.</p>

<p>Humans are humans and generally have the same desire for friendship and acceptance no matter where they live. Someone who thinks having a clean house is more important than making time for friends is not someone I would likely find in my close circle–our values might be too different. I also choose friends based on their open-mindedness, tolerance, and intelligence, while others may prefer people with other attributes. We all find our people somehow.</p>

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<p>Yes, but KittyCounselor is the OP and is from the Midwest! So that is not one you can pin on us. :)</p>

<p>The lack of post numbers is beyond annoying, isn’t it?</p>

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<p>You should have heard the constant stream of insults I endured from my MIL and FIL (Michiganders) regarding the alien nature of every single thing about CT and New Englanders. Too many trees, roads too windy, wrong kinds of cars, yadda, yadda, yadda. In general, “this isn’t America.” I kid you not.</p>

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<p>Raised in the South, went to university in Midwest, worked in NYC, (back to the South for 20 yrs), now live in London. There are nice people everywhere - and jerks everywhere. However, as an 18 yr old going from Arkansas to Chicago, I was “shocked” at how impersonal and unfriendly everyone was. I called home in tears after a shopping trip because no one offered to wait on me (I didn’t know you had to ask). But after a while, I got used to it. Same thing in NYC. People seemed really “rude” at first, but I got used to it. Same in London - people are kind of stand-offish at first, don’t talk about personal things easily, don’t make chit-chat with strangers. Very different from the deep South, but not “bad.”</p>

<p>When my kids left Texas to go to university (one in DC and one in NJ), I reminded them that they might see/experience differences. Yeah, they did - but still made friends. Not surprising that their closest friends are either from the South or Midwest. Birds of a feather flock together. </p>

<p>@Consolation: My S complains about “too many trees” in NJ. He says that they make him nervous. :)</p>

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<p>I find people from Chicago to be really outgoing - much more open that NWerners. In my experience they are faster paced and louder but in a pleasant way. @megpmom I heard that same thing from the D of an acquaintance who came to the Seattle area from Dallas. The trees made her nervous and she missed the sky. Just because our sky is usually covered with clouds it doesn’t mean that we don’t HAVE one! ;)</p>

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<p>Good point, Consolation.</p>

<p>I have spent 1+ years in various parts of the country, including Massachusetts and California. As a Midwesterner (mostly) I have not found regionalism to be much of a problem. I would rather drive almost anywhere than Boston, however. </p>

<p>A roommate from the East Coast complained that people in the Midwest talked too slowly and that there were not enough rocks in the Midwest. (Obviously this is true of only part of the Midwest.) </p>

<p>One of my East Coast/California transplant friends used to talk about “dangerous problem trees.” Since my spouse and I love trees, we quote this from time to time as a joke. The types of trees do vary noticeably across the country, and I miss the maple/oak/birch/elm combination when I am not around them. QMP did not like the Zoysia grass (or whatever it was) at Stanford. I did not like the fact that the Harvard quadrangle was mud much of the year, and then was seeded just in time for Commencement.</p>

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<p>I posted this before in another similar thread:</p>

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<p><a href=“Differences between public colleges in the Midwest and in the East? - #16 by Lizardly - Parents Forum - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1638410-differences-between-public-colleges-in-the-midwest-and-in-the-east-p2.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>I grew up in the south, lived a bunch of other places, and am now back “home” - or at least as close as we could manage to land.</p>

<p>In my birth culture, when you are vacuuming and someone comes to the door for a drop-in visit, you are supposed to drop that vacuum and offer, at the minimum, coffee or a cold drink. Really, you should have some cake or snacks available just in case.</p>

<p>OTOH in this culture, when you drop by a friend’s house and she is vacuuming, you don’t accept the invitation to enter the house. You stand on the porch or steps and exchange a few pleasantries and promise to come back real soon. No matter how she entreats you, you don’t interrupt if it is clear she is busy. This is not fake. This is a set of manners well understood by all parties involved. I am guessing this set of rules evolved over centuries. Of course, if you aren’t from here, you may not get it. Even though it seems simple as pie to me.</p>

<p>Also, probably you don’t stop by empty handed. You have an excuse for the visit: flowers or vegetables from your garden, an extra cake or plate of cookies you’re left with from Sunday dinner, a little venison sausage you just made, eggs if your chickens are doing great this time of year, a book or article you know your friend will find interesting. </p>

<p>In my Grandmothers’ day there was an expectation you had all your vacuuming done before 10 am and were ready for company. Some women in my Mother’s day still kept to that rule of thumb. I follow that rule. I have a lot of drop-in company. Some weeks, though, I don’t have to go to the grocery because we are eating up what people brought over.</p>

<p>These days it is completely appropriate, if you work at home, to let your friends and neighbors know up-front that you aren’t available for calls during certain hours. Everyone understands and respects that.</p>

<p>I have lived in many cultures and try to adapt to the rules that exist wherever I find myself. Those experiences have been incredibly enriching. But home feels best to me. Big sigh of relief once I settled.</p>

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<p>And the English generally regard Americans who try to chit-chat with strangers and ask “personal” questions on the order of “where are you from?” as rude. :slight_smile: At least they did in days of yore when I lived there.</p>

<p>alh, love your examples. Here a lot of small business people fall somewhere between. Chit chat about the weather is always welcome, or talking about the dog, but asking about family would probably be regarded as nosy.</p>

<p>Not enough rocks: that’s a new one on me. :slight_smile: But I know what s/he meant. I find the flatness and straight lines and lack of geographical features of <em>some</em> parts of the Midwest lacking in visual attraction. But it really varies.</p>

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<p>oops. Here is the correct link: <a href=“http://www.salon.com/1997/12/08/gurganus/”>http://www.salon.com/1997/12/08/gurganus/&lt;/a&gt; </p>

<p>I did not make up that quoted paragraph. Gurganus is wonderfully perceptive and that link says lots about living in our world.</p>

<p>ETA: Consolation: where I live it is expected to ask about family if you know someone. I “know” the folks at the counter at the dry cleaners I frequent. Last week I heard an amazing story about a daughter-in-law who is not “normal”, since she has a high powered career helping others and is not primary care giver to the children, and her husband was thinking of leaving her because he thought she was having an affair since she was always out late but the husband’s mom (the woman sharing all this while I picked up the shirts) told him to “get real”, the wife had no time to be having an affair and she wasn’t dieting or going to the gym or buying new clothes so probably she had nothing on the side AND he absolutely needed to “grow up” because “you knew she wasn’t normal when you married her” and what did he expect? and they had two small children and make an appointment for therapy. In case you are worried at this point, everything worked out fine.</p>

<p>Of course, it is perfectly acceptable when someone asks about the family to say, “all just fine, thank you for asking”</p>

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<p>What most amuses me about criticism of NYC manners is that so many NYers are transplants from other regions! So, yes, it’s the environment that people respond to–it’s not innate character. Also, I think visitors to NYC may not realize that etiquette is different in a big city. When the person next to you ignores you even though you’re squished up against each other on the subway, that person is being polite. When you live on top of each other, giving each other some private “space,” both physical and social, IS being well-mannered. Therefore, people are suspicious of the friendly stranger–they sense danger because the person is breaking the social code. That said, if you are on the street in NYC and have a problem (ie, you are scratching your head over a map or you trip) you will discover the soft underbelly of NYers. People are actually quite friendly and solicitous, particularly toward tourists, because we know how very confusing and overwhelming the place can be to out-of-towners. Exception: if you are strolling four-abreast down a busy midtown street in the middle of rush hour, don’t be surprised if some locals suggest you “learn how to walk,” as they push by you. You might consider that really rude, but it’s really a reaction to your perceived rudeness in hogging the sidewalk!</p>

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<p>^I agree. Good manners mean different things in different places.</p>

<p>Also, I wanted to add one more thought about the southern custom of asking and telling about family in casual social situations. Usually the fact someone is willing to share details about family should be flattering. The woman who shared her story of scolding her son with me did so only after she had determined I wasn’t a yankee. That had confused her for a while because I’m an outsider in the community. Telling me stories means I’m accepted. Probably I need to share a little more. Obviously this isn’t going to be a huge problem for me. I’ll just post less and talk more.</p>

<p>One thing I have noticed in every place I’ve ever lived. Natives can get together and fuss about the culture. Usually there are many really good reasons to fuss. Outsiders/transplants/visitors should probably never do that in front of natives. Where I live, some transplants have been excluded for all time from social gatherings they would very much like to attend because they haven’t yet figured that one out. These are people who are generally regarded as highly intelligent. Their own culture is so very different they can’t conceive they have been insulting. And no one will ever tell them. Because that would be rude. : ) </p>

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<p>I can vouch for that. I am the clumsiest person in the world and tend to do a “fainting goat” impression at least once a week when I’ve gotten too tired or just plain don’t watch where I’m placing my feet. (Example of fainting goat: <a href=“7 GIFs Of Adorable Fainting Goats”>http://www.buzzfeed.com/lehaggerty/7-gifs-of-adorable-fainting-goats-9pme&lt;/a&gt; ) I have been picked up by helpful strangers from all over the world. </p>

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<p>Regional differences? Yes Insurmountable? No. I’m glad that there is still some regional variation in the US, given the amount of internal migration and homogenization due to media and marketing. </p>

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<p>OP here. Yep – I did agree with my European friends that telling someone you weren’t busy when you truly WERE busy was “fake”. But to clarify.…if I was cleaning house “just because” and a friend dropped by, I would welcome her in with open arms (never did care that much about a clean house)! If I REALLY needed to clean because I had company coming that night and my house was obscenely messy, I would give my friend a warm hug, make sure they knew how glad I was to see them, chat for a few minutes on the porch, and then profusely apologize that I didn’t have time to really talk because I absolutely HAD to clean the house because my in-laws (or whomever) were coming that night. </p>

<p>I would want my friend to leave feeling happy that she had stopped by to visit (even if I didn’t have time for her right then). Not sure if that’s Midwestern, or just “me”.</p>

<p>I’m really enjoying all of the observations from people who have lived in different parts of the country. Thank you to all who have responded – it’s been very educational! I’ll definitely have my daughter read this thread. : )</p>

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<p>The impression I’ve gotten is that once you’ve managed to get a New York pedestrian out of his/her single-minded somnambulating stupor, he/she will be just as nice as any coffee-offering Midwesterner.</p>

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<p>I was born and grew up in Philly (not the suburbs, the actual city), and married a Wisconsinite from a small farming community. He would tell you that my family, in general, is much warmer and friendlier than his. When I first met my in-laws to be, I hugged them. I will never forget how awkward the whole thing was. And all of the aunts and uncles stood around me in a circle, gawking, because they had never seen a city person. I get it, I was a curiosity to them. But, it was quite uncomfortable for me. When hubby met my parents, aunts and uncles, it was all hugs and kisses. He hardly knew what to do! It was all so comical. So, one never knows.</p>

<p>My last few trips to NYC, I have found people to be friendly and helpful. The person collecting tickets at the subway will not stop and chat and ask about your family, because there is probably a long line of people. But, my experience is if I needed help getting around, or was lost somewhere in Central Park, I was easily able to find a nice person to help me. Nice people are everywhere. </p>

<p>I have driven in most big cities in the US. Boston is the worst. </p>

<p>There will be no problem attending UDel or UMD from the midwest. The populations at these schools are not uniformly Eastern big-city. And they are known to be friendly campuses. I currently live in a small town in Upstate NY, and UDel is a very popular choice for the small town kids. And I strongly agree with the assessment of Penn State. It feels much more Midwestern than Eastern.</p>

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<p>That is one thing about a lot of midwesterners…we may be nice but we’re not always “warm”. Maybe it’s that Scandinavian/Germanic ethnic cultural background. But some of us combine a warm and welcoming verbal style with what I’m sure comes off as a stand-offish physical response when people invade our personal space. </p>