<p>Maybe it’s more of my northern European culture showing, but my own random acts of neighborliness tend to take the form of “fairies did it in the night” good deeds where you don’t even see the beneficiary…shoveling the driveway of the neighbor two doors down because you know he gets home late and it’s been snowing all day, catching another neighbor’s cat in your backyard and returning her because you know she’s an escape artist and drives the family crazy when she disappears, filling the van up with kids (kids you know, that is) from the grade school two blocks away when the weather is awful. My upbringing has led me to be neighborly but not particularly social. </p>
<p>Nobody would feed my husband just because I forgot to make dinner. Mainly because I “forget” to make dinner about 90% of the time. </p>
<p>"In environments where there is a particular local culture, and you ignore it because you don’t like it, you may be ostracized. Is that surprising? "</p>
<p>Not at all. I’m reacting more to the “we won’t tell them they’re doing it wrong, we’ll just ostracize them” part of your post. Wouldn’t true “kindness” be cluing them in? </p>
<p>"We moved to WI from MA when I was small, and our relatives thought the pony express would deliver our mail. "</p>
<p>Ha! We moved to MO from PA - same thing! We were convinced that it was the middle of nowhere, but that because we were provincial and didn’t realize that, in our case, suburban ST Louis and suburban Philly weren’t markedly different. Indeed, we hung out with far more well traveled people in MO than we ever did in PA. </p>
<p>@Bromfield2 - Northwest Seattle burbs but older neighborhood with multi generations - empty nesters, young families, original owners (houses from the early 60s) , pretty multi-cultural mix . . . AA, Jewish from here, Japanese American, Chinese, Jewish from Chicago, white-bread caucasian, Greek American, several Catholic families, several Episcopalian families, dogs, cats etc . . . On my walking route are a number of Muslim families which span the range from no head covering to scarf to full black burka (both east African and Middle Eastern) - Lubavitcher Jews, Mormons . . . we are just pretty darn diverse. Yes . . . we have a block party in the summer with a keg in the street and a bouncy house and the fire department comes to impress the kids with a ladder climb. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any more Sesame Street my mail man actually does live up the street. He stops home for lunch then delivers our street right after lunch. ; </p>
<p>In reply to Pizzagirl: No, during office hours for the classes, the students are my top priority, and I would not tell them I was busy. However, I have had student visitors at all times, including Saturdays and Sundays when I was in the lab working (trying) quite hard to finish something. Of course, during office hours, the students are <em>supposed</em> to come.</p>
<p>Also, I know both the person who normally staffs my dry cleaner’s and her daughter by name and by sight. Why would I not care about them? They provide me with a service that I need.</p>
<p>Actually, I sponsored the dry cleaning staff member in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. I would not have known that she was participating if we hadn’t talked.</p>
<p>Even in the reputed more friendly Midwest, there are limits to such random drop-ins or even phone calls to home even though most Profs at my LAC do allow students to drop by their homes or give out home phone numbers to call whenever needed.</p>
<p>Know of a few college classmates who ended up not getting LORs from Profs they thought liked them because they were so clueless as to call them too many times past midnight for what were essentially trivial matters which could have waited till the following day or not realizing that calling a Prof in the midst of having a holiday dinner with his/her family for a non-imminent emergency is never a good idea. </p>
<p>Well, yes, even I would draw the line at a non-emergency call from a student after midnight, or a call during Christmas dinner. Luckily, that has never happened.</p>
<p>It does strike me as though there is something a bit “fake” and also unfair, about accommodating students to the point that one would be unwilling to write a letter of recommendation for the student, apparently unbeknownst to the student. Did the professors indicate to the students that there was a problem with the timing of their calls?</p>
<p>From knowing and/or interacting with the Profs concerned, they will tell a student if he/she has gone too far. Unfortunately, the classmates in question are the types who either tuned it out or somehow the message didn’t sink in until it was too late. </p>
<p>* Not at all. I’m reacting more to the “we won’t tell them they’re doing it wrong, we’ll just ostracize them” part of your post. Wouldn’t true “kindness” be cluing them in? *</p>
<p>PG: I think you are absolutely right that true kindness is cluing them in. How would you suggest cluing someone in who repeatedly shows up at gatherings and criticizes the birthplaces of others? </p>
<p>There is more of a city-rural divide in every state that is more substantial than the Midwestern vs. Eastern divide.</p>
<p>Penn State for instance draws many students from New Jersey (who have an attitude against their own colleges). It also draws from some parts of South Central PA that have more of a southern feel (you will see Confederate flags in some of those areas). It also draws from very urban areas of Philadelphia, and many leafy suburbs. </p>
<p>Overall, western PA is considered to be more mid-western than eastern in culture. </p>
<p>I think it would be a bit of a culture shock for the average Midwestern to go to college in NYC or the Deep South. However, most selective colleges that are worth the flight east are very diverse.</p>
<p>I think perhaps the Midwest people on this thread are too nice to admit that they are in fact, a lot nicer than the people on the East Coast and that it is not nearly a function of how urban a place is. </p>
<p>"Sometimes some of the “friendliness” in the Midwest / South strikes me as very fake. Especially when strangers pretend to care. "</p>
<p>That’s exactly how my wife felt about it. Lived in midwest for about ten years, the rest in the East.
[Same for me but I logged an additional two years in Chicago.]</p>
<p>She felt that people were superficially friendlier in the midwest where we lived, like they would say hello to a stranger, whereas this might just scare somebody on the subway in Manhattan. But in terms of really getting to know somebody, and caring about them ,on an intimate personal basis, she’s voting for back east.</p>
<p>Myself, I’m less willing to make blanket statements. I think the personal relationship stuff depends a lot on who you personally particularly happen to come in contact with. And also how much you differ or have in common with those people besides location of upbringing, Which may have a lot do with varying ethnicities and religions, or lack thereof, in different places.</p>
<p>We visited UMIch last week for an admitted students day, we’re from NJ, and we were struck – and almost intimiated – by how NICE everyone was. There was a lot of “have a great day” and “how are you?” that you wouldn’t get in the East, and I don’t mean just from the maize-and-blue UMich folks. It was the whole town. It really did strike us as different from our jaded East Coast perspectives. </p>
<p>I am curious about the comment that people in some regions “pretend to care.” If it is not too personal, could someone provide an example of this? In my experience, people in my area actually do care, generally speaking.</p>
<p>@Consolation, when I first moved to Maine from Texas, I felt really claustrophobic amongst all of the tall TREES! I wasn’t used to driving down an interstate highway and feeling as if I were in a tunnel! </p>
<p>This discussion is getting kind of silly. I don’t buy that people can’t form intimate personal relationships anywhere. And relationships are a two-way street. Someone who moves to a new place with a preconceived notion that the natives are different or “other” is probably giving off vibes that they aren’t happy there and aren’t making an effort to belong.</p>
<p>In most cases we are all going to “vote” for the place we live if we are there by choice and planning to stay. No one wants to admit that they live in a community full of jerks or fake-nice people or whatever.</p>
<p>“I think it would be a bit of a culture shock for the average Midwestern to go to college in NYC or the Deep South. However, most selective colleges that are worth the flight east are very diverse.”</p>
<p>My Chicago born and bred daughter hadn’t found any culture shock going to school in Boston. A few fellow students, however, have seemed to think that she must have grown up in cornfields and express that the suburban landscape of Boston, with its Targets, Panera Breads, Best Buys and so forth must be so brand new and big city to her. @@. No, idiots, it looks exactly the same as where she’s from, and pretty much the same as any metro area. </p>
<p>Part of it might be that you just do the social “dance” more easily with people who learned it in childhood like you did. Or, in some cases, that your own personality fits more easily with the social style of a certain area. </p>
<p>The trick is to not let those superficial differences get in the way of getting to know the people who cross your path wherever you go.</p>
<p>The same could be said for age, gender, SES, race, ethnicity…Most of the time, once you get to know someone, surface differences become inconsequential, and you’ll start dealing with each other as individuals instead of members of a group. You’re not going to like everyone everywhere, but chances are you’ll find somebody simpatico most places you go. </p>
<p>Now, let’s all hold hands and sing! “It’s a small world afterall…It’s a small world afterall…It’s a small, small world!”</p>
<p>See I knew that there was something that we could all agree on: That song gets stuck in your head and drives you crazy. Wherever you’re from. </p>
</p>