<p>Rachie,
I am so sorry to hear about your mother. In addition to seeking help from health services once you arrive at school, you may want to find out if there is a hospice nearby that offers grief counseling, either on an individual or group basis. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your kind words. My mother passed away this afternoon but everything was very peaceful. It was almost a relief to us that her suffering was finally over. My dad has already informed some people at my college about the situation and I will definetely look into the extra counseling. I am very sad at the time but I know finally my mom is at peace. I just feel lucky that I was able to tell her everything before she died so that I have no regrets. I also have a great family who said they will be visiting me frequently at school. I've learned a lot from this situation, especially that anticipation can be a lot worse than the actual death itself. Hope your dad goes as peacefully as my mom did, naneth, and remember that things will get better as time goes on.</p>
<p>rachie - I am so sorry to read of your loss. I am very glad you were able to be with her and say all you wanted to say. I'm sure all of us here who have read of your situation are thinking of you and your family right now. My own father died when I was a college student, and I had many tearful moments over many, many months. But I had many wonderful memories, too. I always felt, and still do, that I would rather have had My Dad for the short time I did than any other dad for twice the number of years. I hope you will have the same feeling.</p>
<p>Take care of yourself.</p>
<p>We went through a similar situation with muy H's mom last year. our S's sophomore. Her cancer was diagnosed right after S got to school. We tried to get him home in time to see her but from the time of the diagnosis she only lasted 2 weeks, the Drs had told us she probably had several months. He came home 2 weekends during September, one right after she died, we all wanted to be together, and then the following week for the memorial service, she had wanted to be cremated. Because of this my father-in-law was able to schedule the service for the weekend to make it easier for everyone to attend. We were lucky that he was only 4 hours away.</p>
<p>On the other hand I had a student this summer who missed 3 weeks of class because a friend died. I had no contact from him until he returnded to class. Since this was an 8 week summer class my response was that he should withdraw from the class and take it again in the fall. Sometimes a W or I, incomplete, is the best way to take the pressure off the student. A weeks absence is feasible for the student to catch up from but much more than that is extremely difficult.</p>
<p>Also as a result of this experience I reviewed my contract, should my H, parents or children die I would receive 3 days leave. In-laws are one day. Might be a good thing to know when you have to approach a professor.</p>
<p>Rachie,
Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss. I believe your Mom will be with you as you start your college journey, and I wish you all the best.</p>
<p>Rachie,
You and your family have my sympathies on your loss. It's good that you were able to talk with your mom before she passed. I'm sure that meant a lot to her. I am sure, too, it meant a lot to her that you have graduated from high school and are headed to college.</p>
<p>Please know that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.</p>
<p>Rachie:</p>
<p>How very thoughtful to share your news with us in this hour of grief. My heart goes out to you, and to your Dad, too. My condolences to you and your Dad.</p>
<p>Rachie, my deepest sympathies to you and your family. You are in my prayers.</p>
<p>Rachie, I am very saddened by your loss and will be thinking of you. I'm glad you had this time with your mom and you were home and got to share with her everything. This is going to be a tough time. You seem very mature. I know how proud your mom must have been of you. She'll be with you in spirit as you go on into your next stage of life. Take time to grieve and get support at school when you get there. My thoughts are with you. Offering my sympathy to your family at this sad time. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>My H family is in Ireland. We have discussed what we would do when his mom dies. She is 90, in pretty good shape, but things happen. We decided that if she passed while the kids are in school, only he would go. It would be hard and of course he would love our support while he is there, but he, and his mother, and their family understand the hardships involved. </p>
<p>Talking about it ahead of time is so important. Just let D know that no matter what she feels she needs to do, its fine. Life happens. Death happens. And if she can just stay for a day or two, thats okay. If she can't come at all, that is okay. And if she talks to her professors ahead of time, it can take some of the uncertainty away.</p>
<p>Take care and cyber hugs</p>
<p>Ratchie, I am so saddened for you loss. I will be thinking about you when I hug my Ds tonights and I am sending you my thoughts and prays. Take care and do your mom proud. That is the best gift you can give her.</p>
<p>Rachie, I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. I have been thinking about you since your first post on this thread. I am sure that your mom was proud of the mature young woman you seem to be.
My prayers are with you and your dad.</p>
<p>Rachie, I want to send my condolences as well. I lost my dad in April, and still miss him every day -- and I am in my 40s. Expect the grief to come in waves, and hit you at the most inopportune times. Having a good support system will be so important -- a counselor, a good friend, a relative -- different people who you can reach out to, or who will reach out to you.</p>
<p>Naneth, when my dad died, two of my sons were in college. One was in "reading week" before finals, and was able to get away without "fuss." The other was in classes. He thought he could take care of it himself, but I decided to put in a call to the dean's office anyway, and it turned out to be the right thing to do. The dean's office sent out an email, letting the teachers know S would be missing classes and why (and for how long). They were also willing to help him arrange his trip, but we had done that already. He was able to come for a day of visitation, but had to miss the funeral itself. When he returned to school, several of the teachers spoke to him about it. If left to himself, I think he wouldn't have said as much, and therefore wouldn't have gotten the support (emotional) he needed when he returned. In his case, the teachers either postponed due dates, or excused him from the missed work.</p>
<p>My dad had cancer, but wasn't expected to die so soon. However, as he got worse, they suggested I come home if I wanted to spend time with him while he was still "with it". He died a few hours after I got there. My husband and D were not able to come. It was hard for them to deal with it from a distance, but we had no choice. Flying that far for just a couple days was not possible, and D couldn't miss more school than that.</p>
<p>Regarding flying: I think your D might find the flying to be less traumatic at that point, only because her goal will be to get home ASAP, and her mind will be elsewhere.</p>
<p>I would like to thank everyone who responded and update you on how things turned out. </p>
<p>My D came home for Thanksgiving break on Fri. 11/18. My dad passed away on Monday the 21st. We will be having his Memorial Service on Saturday and she goes back to school on Sunday.</p>
<p>It is strange how all my worrying about how to get her home was for nothing, because it worked out as if we planned it that way.</p>
<p>God bless all of you who have suffered loss. God works in mysterious ways, yet we still worry. My father woke up after sleeping for two weeks and started the death rattle while D was at driver's training (I tried to keep things as normal as possible for her, especially since we didn't know when it would happen) and he held on until she came home. She was able to say good-bye and then he stopped breathing. We were there with him and it is something she will never forget. And yes, I understand when you say it was almost a relief, when someone suffers for so long, you grieve because you miss the person that was, but know that with the end of the suffering comes release. God bless you all.</p>
<p>naneth:</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you. I am so glad your D made it in time to see her grandfather one last time and to attend his memorial service. Glad, too, that you have her with you at this difficult time.</p>
<p>naneth~</p>
<p>Oh, honey, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved father and of your daughter's beloved grandfather. I know how diffiicult his illness was on all of you, and I so admire the strength you've all shown through everything. I am glad that your daughter was able to be here for him at the end and will also be able to attend his memorial service before she returns to school. I am sure her presence has provided and will continue to provide much comfort to everyone. My heart goes out to you as you muddle your way through this difficult time. </p>
<p>love, ~berurah</p>
<p>Naneth,
My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope that you may find comfort by being with each other during this painful time.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear of your loss. My mother passed away last year, during my son's first semester. He knew when he left in Sept. that it was probally the last time he would see her. I am glad he was able to come back. The funeral was on a Monday, he only had to miss a day of school. She was very sick, in the middle of chemo, during his high school graduation, which was a miserably cold day. He is the older, and we knew that was the only graduation she was going to be able to attend. She waited for his name to be called, and my sister took her somewhere warm.</p>
<p>My grandfather, who was a cranky old Boston Irish (I mean that in a good way) used to say he didn't want to die on a holiday and ruin everyone's weekend. Sure enough, he passed away the week before the fourth of July, the summer before my freshman year. I think he was smiling somewhere. Our rabbi has a saying when someone passes away- "May their memory be a blessing". I think it is perfect.</p>
<p>condolences... that is indeed strange how it worked out. Had I seen your original post back in August I am sure I would have said you can't plan these things and just take it as it comes. My mother went into the hospital last week (fortunately she is making a speedy recovery) and we didn't tell our son until he got home from college Tuesday night. Didn't want to distract him at school.</p>