<p>I can't help but be struck by how difficult this time of year is for many kids. These kids are topnotch students who have so much going for them. However, they are only human --- and TEENAGE humans, at that! The stresses of the admissions/scholarship process can really get to them.</p>
<p>DD has several wonderful acceptances, 3 of which are her top choice schools. This week, however, the not-so-great news has started coming. 2 waitlist letters have made her think perhaps she is "not quite good enough." We adults know that is not the case, and I think she does understand that. But no one likes to be rejected (or rather, simply not accepted, as I suppose waitlists at these two top LACs would be considered). It's even harder for a teenager to deal with. Then the news came that she received a scholarship she applied for, but it's for less than she hoped it would be. She has several very nice scholarship offers, but the financial gap is still quite large. She actually still has a scholarship interview coming up, but she knows the odds --- and this is her first-choice school right now, so the stress is even greater.</p>
<p>But at least she has been offered scholarships. Her very good friend is feeling lower than a snake's belly, having been accepted to her top choice school but offered no merit money at all (and there is merit aid available). She is a very good student. She also sat for a scholarship test at another university, where students from her school have traditionally fared well, and she ended up with only a token, one-time scholarship. She just feels like she has worked hard and has nothing to show for it. While that's not true, it IS how she feels.</p>
<p>We older & wiser folks know that all of this will pass and life will be wonderful for these talented, hard-working kids. But right now, life is stressful and a bit sad for some of them. I am not really going anywhere with this --- I guess I just needed a place to muse. I pray that these kids will soon realize just how wonderful they are, and how nothing that happens in the admissions process can ever change that fact!</p>
<p>"DD has several wonderful acceptances, 3 of which are her top choice schools."</p>
<p>I hope this doesn't come across in a bad way...but, I don't understand why she would be having such a difficult time. This should be wonderful news, celebrated by all, and she should be very proud of herself and grateful for all the support she's been given throughout the process. She already has three good schools to choose from- how many more does she need? I will be ecstatic if my son has three top choice schools to pick from.</p>
<p>Oh that is hard.
I really dread when my D starts applying to schools.
She is very bright, but is a "late bloomer" & doesn't test well.
Because testing is a huge part of her district ( not just tests in courses, but AP tests, SAT tests and state testing), she has internalized that she is "stupid".</p>
<p>Of course many top schools come to her high school, and since their intent is to get as many kids to apply as possible, they totally downplay their admission rate. If I try and steer her toward investigating schools that are more reasonable, she takes that as yet another indication that I think she is "stupid".</p>
<p>Why with teens, is there no middle ground ?</p>
<p>I hope that they can realize in some part of their brains, that even if plans don't go 100% as hoped, that doesn't mean you need to throw the baby out with the bathwater.</p>
<p>For students who always have had things come relatively easily, even though they work hard, it may be especially difficult. </p>
<p>Im sure we all know people who "peaked" in high school.
This is a simplistic explanation, but I wonder if when they hit difficulties, they just didn't know what to do, so decided on a path that presented fewer challenges ( and rewards?)</p>
<p>You can't succeed, unless you are willing to fail. Not being afraid to face setbacks is one of the most important things that any of us can learn, IMO.</p>
<p>Kids are all different aren't they? <em>sigh</em> I feel bad for the kids who fall in love with a school only to get rejected, or just as common, they can't afford to go. The kids' forums are filled with such stories.</p>
<p>On the other hand, some kids get a rejection and move right along. Perhaps they have less invested in the whole process, I don't know. (Maybe they really don't care where they go to college.)</p>
<p>doubleplay, I understand what you mean. I realize she "should" be more than happy with her 3 top choice acceptances, and she actually is. It's just that it's tough on many kids to face the reality of rejection or being passed over, even if it wasn't even what they truly wanted. Gosh, if D & her friend feel bad about their situations, what about the kids like weenie describes? I am just thinking about how it's not easy for a teen to handle all of this. Yes, some just sail on like nothing happened, some feel bad (like my D), some get a bit depressed (like D's friend) --- and some really have a tough time.</p>
<p>Now, I am not suggesting that the rejections, disappointments, sadness shouldn't happen. Life is full of rejection, disappointment, and sadness. It is actually a wonderful life lesson to experience this and learn to deal with it. But I am a mom, through and through --- while I know it's not a bad thing to have to deal with these things, my nurturing side still makes me hope they get through it all quickly! I often wonder how I got as old as I am, but I never wish I could go back to being a teen!</p>
<p>emerald, thanks for the link to the book. You are so right about there being no middle ground for teens. That is where the problem lies ("If they don't pick me, there must be something wrong with me"). You are also correct about how you can't succeed if you are not willing to fail. Any teen who enters the selective school application fray has to be willing to fail --- it's just that when it does happen, it's tough to deal with (not a bad thing, though). The Wash U deferral site is filled with kids experiencing this type of thing. It was also filled with kids who couldn't believe the school would dare to NOT accept them. I guess they don't all take it the same way!</p>
<p>kelsmom, the times have a'changed. Way back when, we (or at least I) didn't apply to a whole bunch of schools. I applied to 3. That was more than a lot of my friends. We applied to schools that we were all pretty confident about, and at the time, a B average in high school with 4 digits on the SAT pretty much assured us we could at least get into our flagship U. Fast forward to now, kids are applying to 6, 10, 20 schools. Not just your daughter or my sons/daughters, but everyone. That means that schools get tons more applications and have to say no to more people. It's a vicious cycle. So getting rejections is part of the current "college application climate." It kind of shocked me when my son, a year ago, with scores and grades I would have died for, got the thumbs down to places I assumed he'd get into.
So what I've told my sons, which I believe is the truth, is that had they applied to the same schools they got rejected from, say, 30 or 40 years ago, they would have gotten in. Not that it makes them feel better, but they seem to understand it a little more. It all works out! I've two down so far and on hindsight, they're happy with the way things went (me too).</p>
<p>kelsmom, I think it's the letdown after waiting for so long to hear back. It's normal behavior. It will pass. Once they make their final decisions and start getting excited about their choices, we'll hear a whole different reaction.</p>
<p>I agree with PVmember. Also, once the Fall arrives and they arrive on their chosen campus, they will get caught up in the school spirit of whatever school they're at. Hoepfully, all this will be behind them.</p>
<p>kelsmom, you are right -- it's always hard to be rejected. One thing I told my son ahead of time is that if he didn't get rejected at a few schools, then he wasn't reaching high enough. He understood the odds for acceptance at the very selective schools he was applying to. It didn't make one wait list in particular any easier to take. In the end, we just focused on the wonderful choices he had. We also suggest that he downplay things with his friends, many of whom received quite a few rejections. They all ended up at wonderful schools and are quite happy now.</p>
<p>We've handled this in our family by managing expectations, and by thinking and talking about what would happen with each outcome. I think that "practicing" how something would feel helps prepare for whatever outcome you get. So, son and I have been having many conversations, not just about "I hope you get into X, but you might not", but also about things like, "What would it be like to attend this safety school?" and "What sort of dorms do you like at this other match school?" I think that concrete thinking and talking about questions like that is more helpful than just "It's okay even if you don't get into your firstlove reach school."</p>
<p>The waiting is tough, too - all the anticipation. My d's heard from 3 schools and is waiting on 5, while a lot of her friends have already heard from everyone. She's assuming that she hasn't heard because they're rejections. Yes, logically she knows that's not really true, but emotionally - "Why haven't they told me yet? They must not like me."</p>
<p>Just for fun, I "run some numbers" again. For example, school (selective, but not ivy league selective) is looking for an entering class of 800, but they have already admitted 400 ed, so there are only 400 spots left. They are a small school with a football, basketball, lacrosse, soccer, baseball, track, field hockey team, orchestra, very popular in the region.... a waitlist doesn't mean you aren't good enough! </p>
<p>It might be more stressful for the parents than the students. I find myself cursing schools that mail decisions on Friday. If we don't get anything on Saturday then we must wait until Monday!! How cruel! How thoughtless! (How silly am I ??)</p>
<p>NJres- maybe we can spend Monday morning together. I'm in a state of high anxiety - ill family member, grad school $ for one, admission in the fall for the last one, and $$ situation is not good. I'm much worse that DD.
Also fretting that the kids that got acceptances Sat. are the "in" ones and the Mon-Tues letters are the "out".
hmmm The New Jersey Anxious Parent 12 Step Club?
my mail can come as late as 4 pm.</p>