<p>I am so happy for my son(first of two sons heading to college) as he has been accepted to all of the colleges that he has applied to and was blessed with nice scholarships and honors. I know deep inside that this is best for him but I am having a real hard time with the upcoming separation.
I'm happy for the most part during the day. but in the evening and, often during the night, I get this terrible feeling of dread that he's leaving. I adore my son and am having a tough time now.
I have been told by others that have been through this that the worse is the 6 months before they leave and then it gets better over he next three months or so. He will only be three hours away but it feels like he is going to be half way around the world. He definately won't be across the hall in his bedroom decorated heavily with sports awards, banners,dirty socks, etc.....as he has for the past 18 years.
Any comforting advice?</p>
<p>So mine IS across the country (and gets caught in a snowstorm every time she comes home!) And this summer, she WILL be halfway around the world (in Cambodia and India), and a year from now, she'll be in Italy for a year. </p>
<p>Sigh. It has always been a goal of mine to raise world citizens. Well, the world IS the territory, and so this goes with it.</p>
<p>It's worse before they leave. You will pick at each other for the next four months. If it works out, you won't be able to stand him (or he you) by the time he leaves. Then, you can spend the next 4 months getting reacquainted. Mine grew enormously by Christmas break (no extra pounds, though); we then went off to do tsunami relief for a month, and by the time she returned to school, she had taken a leap there as well.</p>
<p>There's no going back. So find little ways to celebrate - make a scrapbook (he probably won't help!) Give him lots of wet, sloppy kisses, which he absolutely hates, so he'll feel good about leaving. And take up something new yourself - learn to play the violin, or make stainglass windows, or change the oil on the car - you can participate again in the learning process, and better appreciate what it will be like for him.</p>
<p>(Don't disassemble the room immediately, if you can help it. At least for the first big break, he'll likely want to still feel like it is "his" - it is something to ease out of.) </p>
<p>Blessings on you both!</p>
<p>Mini, What nice words...I like the idea of starting something new. That seems to be what it is all about. Another phase.</p>
<p>Gaptd, my son will be on the other side of the planet & no longer across the hall as well. But it is as it should be. It's time; that I can feel.</p>
<p>gaptd,
My S has been on the other side of the country (and D will be too next year) for the last 3.5 years and will continue to reside in LA after graduation. Interestingly enough, he has grown to miss us as much as we miss him (perhaps even more?!) as the years have gone by. We tend to communicate more with him now via e-mail, AIM, and phone than we did when he lived at home! As for his room, he's amazed that it hasn't been converted to something yet, but I like to keep it pretty much as is, except cleaner. Hope that helps.</p>
<p>Ah mini, you brought tears to my eyes, darn it.</p>
<p>gaptd, I hear you loud and clear. Mine's going 11 1/2 hours away. I've always been annoyed by the mess in his room but by almost nothing else about him. He says he'll be always available via AIM, but I know he'll be too involved in his own life, and I honestly wouldn't want it any other way. Still, it's going to be really, really tough on both his dad and on me... </p>
<p>to say nothing of the dog, who sleeps with him and thinks he's just a tall dog with a couple of missing legs... the leader of her pack.</p>
<p>My older son left for college four years ago, and my last one is leaving in the fall. It wasn't so hard with the first one because I still had #2, but I think this one is going to be hard. He is the kind of kid that fills up a room with his energy and passion for music. I have learned so much from him. And he has remained very close to us, despite being a very independent and mature kid. We have so many long talks about the future and what he hopes to do, about faith, about relationships, and, of course, about colleges. AND his big love, music--it is so neat when he comes in and slaps a classical CD in the CD player, saying, "Mom, you have GOT to hear this piece. It has the best trumpet solo!" I listen to him practice for hours every week and don't mind a bit. So tell me, why did he only apply to colleges too far away to visit?? (Oh, yeah, he said it was so we couldn't drop in and visit... bratty kid!!)</p>
<p>Of course, I can always look at the bright side. With the cost of his college I can expect to be working long hours, so I won't have as much time to miss him!! :-)</p>
<p>p.s. And this kid doesn't spend much time online, so AIM will probably not be a way to keep in touch...</p>
<p>I don't know whether this book has been mentioned before on the board, but I found "Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years" by Coburn and Treeger to be enormously informative and moving. I don't usually read "touchy-feely" books but this one had me in tears the summer before senior year and I think it may be time for a re-read. I recommend it to all.</p>
<p>For us, their leaving represents the loss of the our early family life. The years with boys climbing all over us, family dinners, outtings, reading togetehr, school and sporting events. Those years were so lovely. We had such fun. Is it over already?</p>
<p>Yesterday, a man stepped off the elevator and into our office--carrying a lovely wee baby girl. He wanted to walk on our terrace to see the view from our top floor. </p>
<p>We wanted to hold the baby with the sun bonnet. </p>
<p>It's shocking how quickly we've left that sun bonnet world behind but there's no point trying to force our hairy, bearded teenagers into sun bonnets. :p </p>
<p>Still, it's easy to understand your wist-fullness...</p>
<p>For us, our daughter had been outgrowing our home for some time, so there was initially a sense of exhilaration at letting this beautiful racehorse go out and do her thing, which we had been trying to prepare her to do forever. You just can't keep them tied up in the back yard. Do participate in the welcoming events for families at drop-off, and the family weekend that many schools have in October, if possible (make reservations early!) It will make you feel you're still a part of his life, and it's encouraging to see how swiftly and easily they transition into their new surroundings. Write him a love letter now, while you're still feeling mushy. It's definitely a life-passage event when they leave, as Cheers notes, every bit as profound as marriage and childbirth. I got a little sad in the fall, when it all sank in, but it passes, and it's fun to visit....go cheer for the football team, and take him out to dinner.</p>
<p>Running the risk of anathema, my H and I are actually looking forward to being empty nesters next year. No more arranging our lives around HS schedules, events, and meetings plus kids' social and extracurricular activities. Don't get me wrong, we love our kids, but after 22 years, we'll have our lives back and can actually do something on the spur of the moment. Plus, this is the natural progression of things, isn't it? Saying that, we'll probably end up traveling to California to visit the kids! ;-)</p>