Last year at this time I was a senior planning for college, and believing that I would have best friends in a year. Now here I am, a college freshman and hate college. Last semester I knew what I was going through was fairly normal for freshman at a school of 40,000 students, however this semester nothing has changed and I’m getting more and more lonely. I have tried joining clubs, I’m very active on campus and even try to strike conversation with people in my classes. No one extends an invitation to me. I hang out with occasional “friends” here and there but I’m always the first one to bring it up and because of this I have become very self conscious. The coursework is very hard and causes stress but I love what I’m learning for the most part. I had really really close friends in high school that got me through rough days and that is sooooo hard for me to not have right now. I’m usually a pretty happy person but some days I have to go to the closest bathroom to just cry for a bit. This is so unlike me and the sadness makes it really hard to get things done. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to form any close friend. It just seems like everyone I come into contact with already has a super social life or they are totally uninterested with me. I’ve thought about transferring, but I’m scared to do that because it would basically just be another freshman year. Has anyone else been through this and if they have, what’s your advice?? I really really want to make the most of college but I need community to do that with
Do you feel comfortable saying what school you go to? Maybe someone familiar with that school can give specific suggestions for things to do.
Have you joined any clubs or activities? Do you have a campus job? Are there volunteer activities near campus? You need to go consistent activities that bring you into regular contact with people to develop relationships.
I’m involved in several clubs/activities and I also got a job so that I could meet more people, but it’s kinda hard to get to know people because we’re always busy. I have been very consistent with all things I’m involved in. Even if I don’t feel like going, I will make myself because I know each time I socialize, that’s another chance of meeting someone. That being said, it feels like all the relationships I have made so far are just the type of “hey how are you” when you see each other on campus. I have some things to do with people but I’m always the one initiating it with those people. All the people in the groups I’m involved in seem to already have a different social life they’re already involved in or are just plain unsocial.
Are you keeping up with your friends from high school through social media or email? You can still get their emotional support even now if you reach out to them.
It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things, and it will just be a matter of time before deeper friendships form. I applaud you for trying so hard and getting out there and initiating activities. My daughter is also a freshman at a large university struggling to make connections. She made one close friend in the fall, and that person dropped out of college and moved away already, so now she is alone again. Despite the endless activities going on on campus, she has not even bothered going to any clubs this semester yet because she is so busy with work and classes that she can’t fit anything else in at the moment, or doesn’t have the energy to try. I’m hoping for her that she will at least get closer to some people in her classes or at her job.
Good luck to you! I agree that transferring is probably not the solution. I hope it gets better for you soon. You are not the only freshman struggling with this issue, so don’t feel alone in that or blame yourself. I’ve seen it brought up quite a bit on CC.
Try inviting people from your dorm floor to do something…eat brownies, watch a movie, tv show, etc. It might be better to have people nearby that can hang for a bit.
Or form a study group in one of your classes. you will get together, but then may make friends from it.
Yeah, I try and keep in contact with my high school friends but most of them went to really small schools and already have really close friendships so I don’t want to be the one always complaining.
Yeah I’m sure there are other’s going through the same thing which makes me try to be nice to everyone I come in contact with but so far that hasn’t done anything. I just hope that it does get better over time.
As far as study groups, I have tried asking some people to study from different classes but they couldn’t. I guess I could try now that it’s a new semester but I get worried about seeming too desperate… I’m just always the one initiating and don’t understand why that is