We have one child. We are rich (yes, top 20% income means rich, not middle class.) We don’t care about a huge house or expensive cars. When we travel, we focus on having fun rather than living large. We consider spending on college education much more important and gave a high budget to our freshman when she was making her list. She’s very happy at her chosen school.
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a little irritating to read since my S23 was Rejected from ND (his #2 choice) and we were willing to pay full freight at ND in a heartbeat. Agree with others though that for Engineering ND is not worth it.
That said, we have approached it as follows:
Our kids each had a couple safety/likely schools that they should get into (and did), had good chances for merit (some received), and even if full pay, did not cost $80k/yr.
D23 (Wisconsin, Colorado) S23 (Holy Cross, UMass-Amherst).
Beyond that they each applied to several other schools that were $80k/yr and IMO worth it, or were $80k/yr and not worth it, but there was a chance for merit (even if a small chance).
D23 (Syracuse --merit required and received), Wesleyan, Emory, Michigan, Northwestern)
S23 (Notre Dame, Dartmouth, Vanderbilt, Boston College, Amherst, Williams, Bowdoin, Hamilton, Middlebury, Colby*)
*would not have paid $80k for Colby but applied since it’s free and no supplement.
Our first time around D21 only applied to $$$ private schools but she did get merit at 4/6 of them, and is attending a T20 LAC with a small merit scholarship. In hindsight, this was risky.
In summary:
1.) if you are going to end up attending a safety school make sure you’re not paying $80k/yr.
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We’re Catholic. Our kids didn’t go to Mass at ND every week, but they always had the opportunity, and they were surrounded by the holiness that’s so intrinsically present at ND. For people who are not Catholic, I know the Catholic students welcome them in…there’s no backlash at all for not being Catholic or whatever…but it’s been a huge part of the experience for our family. The friendships are also awesome. We’ve had about ten ND kids stay with our family over the years, including kids who’ve vacationed with us. One student stayed with us for weeks during the worst of COVID. Another student was with our family when her mom died. (Big experiences that the ND connection made easier). My own kids have also stayed at the homes of many other ND families. I know this happens at other schools, but it’s incredible at ND. And it’s not like any of us are uber rich…we just try to take care of each other’s kids and give them unique experiences depending on the part of the country we live in. One of my kids is now in medical school. She goes out of her way to talk to kids from ND (and their siblings) about her medical school and give them tours and other info. Of course she’d talk to non-ND students, too, but there is sort of an instant relationship because of the ND network. My kids worked their butts off at ND, studying and learning, but they also had an incredible amount of fun. From football games to traveling to weird traditions…it’s been more than a school, it’s been an experience. They became even better people at ND, and I like to think they made ND better too. My high school senior son was admitted to ND. He also has other incredible choices. We respect whatever he chooses and we’ll have a great time with it no matter what, but wow we’ll miss ND if that’s not the choice.
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Obviously, it’s a very personal decision - although you’ve found validation here that other families made similar decisions. We also chose to pay sticker at the college my daughter wanted to attend, even though she had cheaper alternatives. She and her older sister are almost 8 years apart, so we could get one out of college, recover a bit and do it again.
Older daughter got into her dream college, which also happened to be our state flagship, so it worked out (relatively) well to be able to pay in-state tuition with one kid. When we were discussing paying considerably more in OOS tuition for my younger daughter, my older one agreed that we should do it, and had no bad feelings about it (her college is very highly rated, so she shouldn’t have any bad feelings about it 
). I could see a situation though, where you pay a big dollar amount for one kid and pull the offer for the second kid, and there possibly being some resentment if second kid had their heart set on a pricy college.
I do agree with others though - for engineering, she has better options than ND. Maybe agree that she could pursue a transfer to ND if she ends up switching to a different major.
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These decisions are made case by case.
I wouldn’t pay that much money for my kids if they want a career in something other than CS or Finance or consulting. Can’t afford it. To me affordability is a function of prospective pay.
If a kid is a committed mech engg or something of the kind, I can’t pay 350k. Wouldn’t pay for pre med. wouldn’t pay for pre law probably. That’s just me.
If the kid is inclined to consider more lucrative professions, even if the course work is useless etc I am willing to pay. Because the family balance sheet can take the hit. It is indeed the family balance sheet. If I have anything left over, it is their money. If I have nothing left, they may have to bail me out 
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We were willing to be full pay for our D so I don’t begrudge anyone who makes that choice. That said, I agree with the other posters that for engineering, your child has much better options, at a fraction of the cost. And it does sound like having the extra savings would make a different for you and your spouse.
(Happy to answer any Purdue honors engineering questions if you have them. My D will be graduating from the program in May).
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What does she want to go for? If she applied for Engineering at all the places you mention, IMO, there is no way one should consider paying double for an engineering degee when the there is an option for Purdue Honors!
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We nipped this conundrum in the bud before it ever came to fruition. We set a top dollar, $200K including merit. That was in 2014. Prices have escalated dramatically since, but I’d be inclined to stay at that cutoff for engineering.
The issue was, and still is, that you can get an amazing engineering education at state flagships and privates that give merit aid.
At the end of the day, engineering is pretty egalitarian at the outset and then completely meritocratic after that.
Our son has been very fortunate and is now in one of the most coveted engineering positions on the planet. There is NO rhyme or reason to where his coworkers went to undergrad at that job or his previous one. What unites them all is their horsepower, curiosity and drive.
So, would I pay $350K for Notre Dame, even though I can? No. Most MIT alumni on here say given the alternatives listed above that they wouldn’t even do that for MIT.
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Based on what objective facts? (or even intangibles as were raised later in the thread)
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Adding more color to my previous post about picking Purdue Honors engineering over ND…
I think most parents who frequent CC prioritize spending for education to the best of their ability. We too are full pay - willing and able to pay anywhere.
So the question isn’t whether $80k or full freight at any college is worth it. Context is important - which school, which major, what intangibles, etc. and what other schools are in the mix. So ND might be a great choice under multiple scenarios - but if given a choice between ND and Purdue honors for engineering at full pay - I would go with Purdue.
Of course, if OP’s daughter isn’t sure about engineering, and other things at ND are attractive, that changes the equation.
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With three, including twins, this could have been an issue. Basically we left it to them. They have a budget (should cover 4 years private.) If they spend less, they keep the rest for whatever-- grad school, house downpayment, a car, etc.). So far it looks as if they are all 3 choosing to spend it all or very close to it for private schools. Could’ve gone another way though. We thought it fair.
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The OP has stated that their daughter is not positive she will major in engineering…and might switch to something like economics. She is not wedded to engineering.
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I think every school on the list not only will be cheaper, but will have stronger engineering programs.
Of those, I think Purdue Honors is a great option, but Rose-Hulman is an equally intriguing option, at a completely different end of the spectrum. It’s small, but has great facilities and is completely undergraduate focussed. Classes are small and they don’t use TAs. The M:F ratio is rough, but as a female that’s far less of an issue. It is in Terre Haute, and there aren’t a lot of options outside of engineering.
I’d be cautious about Wisconsin. The barrier into major of choice is pretty high. It’s at least worth looking into if it makes the cut.
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My D is a sophomore at a T20 LAC in New England and has not had this experience. It’s even known as a ‘rich kid’ school. In fact, all her friends are on huge financial aid packages and assumed she was too (probably b/c she chose to work as a dishwasher on campus even though she didn’t have work study.) I suspect it has a lot to do with the specific school and even more so, which friends they gravitate towards.
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You agreed to the cost by letting her apply. You’re also sending a sibling to an expensive school. I don’t see how you yank it off the table.
One of my college friends got a free ride to our state flagship. He didn’t “need” the help because he’s exceptional. He could’ve gone anywhere. His sister went to a private school. There was always an undertone of unfairness.
The only card I see is to let her pick between undergrad or money for grad school.
My BF has sent 3 to ND. Two are there now. One started engineering. He switched. Not because he wasn’t capable. NMF type. ND punches below its weight for engineering but above its weight for other majors.
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There could be many reasons a kid might prefer Notre Dame engineering more than places like Purdue or Purdue Honors. Personal fit being one of them. I’m sure most Notre Dame engineers do just fine!
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IMO if you don’t know you’re an engineer, you’re probably not an engineer. As a college major it’s an all consuming lifestyle and you have to really love it.
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Or, like me after changing my major twice already, simply grit my teeth and force my way through it.
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I think that my stance on this really depends. Will the amount in the 529s cover four years of Notre Dame (or 4 years of older daughter’s college)? If the two 529s are of similar value, then it’s a matter of letting your student choose how to spend the money (undergrad + grad school or expensive undergrad). And it’s already kind of like a sunk cost…you’ve already saved and set aside the money for the purpose of your children’s higher education. Although you can provide guidance and suggestions (and the 529 is still officially your money), it seems as though you’re providing equal opportunity/dry powder and letting your kids figure it out.
If, however, you’ve been paying out-of-pocket for D1 and will then need to do the same for D2, I understand your qualms. However, if you did it for D1 and are still able to do it for D2 (even if less happily), then I don’t see how you can not offer the same to D2 without it causing a lot of potential family strife.
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haha. I have an engineering degree and MS Engineering too. Landed on it after 3 other majors. Hated every minute of it. But I landed a job well before graduation that paid very well and had great benefits. I still work there 25 years later (but not as an engineer anymore).
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