I have posted elsewhere about S1’s anxiety issues–now I’m asking advice about D2. She is currently a senior in boarding school. She’s had anxiety for years but mostly has kept up academically, but recently (since January) has developed significant anxiety leading to procrastination. She is only a couple of assignments behind, but doesn’t seem to be able to catch up despite support from the school including supervised study halls. She came home for a visit this weekend and fell apart Sunday afternoon when it was time to head back. I kept her home the past couple of days. She hasn’t been able to concentrate enough to do any of the late work, and at this point it looks like she may need a medical leave of absence.
Has anyone had experience with the logistics of all of this happening this late in senior year? She is in multiple AP classes, is student directing a play set to be performed in early April. Winter term ends in 3 weeks. She has been accepted to one college, deferred at her ED school, 3 other applications pending. She was supposed to go on a service trip over spring break to fulfill a service requirement but I don’t see that happening. Assuming with medication and therapy she can improve enough to return to school after a few weeks, how does she catch up with a demanding schedule? Midterm grades were good except for one C. Do we ask the college counselor to communicate to the colleges that she’s been ill?
I’m sure this is not the only kid who has struggled during this time–it’s stressful for most seniors. I’d love to hear of other parents’ experiences and how things turned out.
A medical leave of absence is one way to go (with the option of having grades wiped clean). That would mean not graduating, or graduating over the summer through summer courses.
I know many kids who went through this in senior year. It would seem the school could release her from the service trip, and that would give a little time for getting work done. The school, with professional documentation of the problem, should provide incompletes, extensions, exam postponements, excused absences and various kinds of support. If she doesn’t need all of her classes to graduate, a reduced courseload is one way to go, which could mean dropping a class and having a current grade wiped clean, for that class.
Is is possible that directing the play is affecting her adversely? Is there any way someone else can take that over? That must be very time-consuming and would make many students anxious because of the enormity of responsibility.
Meds and therapy can help but it sometimes takes awhile. Good luck!
My S had crippling anxiety his senior year. His lack of functioning was far more serious, academically, than your daughter’s. He procrastinated and skipped so many classes he was in danger of not graduating. We had no inkling he was in trouble until mid-May! He deferred college and is currently doing a gap year, going to counseling weekly to handle the anxiety, and taking classes at the local U as a nondegree student. He’s doing great, and all signs indicate that he’ll be enrolling next fall.
Being only a couple assignments behind and having good grades except one C doesn’t seem to be enough dysfunction to warrant a medical leave–to me. I’d get an evaluation and therapy for the anxiety and talk with the present school about setting up a schedule to get the missing assignments done. Try to lighten the load as much as possible–including the service project. I wouldn’t approach the future school about her illness unless gpa takes a significant plunge.
College will be another stressor–check out the counseling resources of each of the prospective schools. Your daughter might need them.
Thanks for replies! She is already in counseling and has been for years. She has been on meds and is in the process of adding a medication but it will take several weeks before we can tell if it will help. And winter term exams are in 2 weeks. I am in active discussion with the school and her therapist. Obviously if she can get herself through the work, that would be better…but not clear yet if she can.
And yes, the issue of whether she goes on to college in the fall vs takes a gap year is real–but at this point we don’t need to decide that yet.
does she want to go back to her boarding school?
If she has already been in counseling and on medication, when her symptoms intensified enough to prevent her from doing what she needs to do, I would consciously plan for at least one gap year before college.
She needs to get healthy and finish high school first- in that order. If she is clearly ready before then, than great! But I would be wanting to know how this could have been prevented. How often is she seeing her therapist? Does she need different anxiety meds or ways to cope? Was there a precipitating incident?
When kids are in high school, they have a stronger support system than in college, I would be very cautious before expecting her to attempt college in six months.
a few weeks? If she’s already on meds, you know that’s not enough time to know if a new med is effective, and certainly not enough time to jump back into things full throttle.
I know. Am exploring options with the BS of what could be modified/postponed/etc. Even if they do, D2 is just so exhausted right now it’s not clear that will be enough. Taking this one day at a time and staying open to whatever the outcome might be.
My daughter’s senior year in high school was not pretty. She was unhappy with the social scene. Her GPA was falling, mainly because of two classes in subjects into which she had been “over” tracked since middle school. At some point senior year (sorry I can’t remember; it was several years ago now), she was diagnosed with ADHD. She was prescribed adderall. I think her initial experience with the adderall was fine. But then she got a new prescription, which was either mislabeled or incorrectly written, took the pills for a few days as prescribed, and had what I call an acute near-psychotic reaction. It was horrifying. She was extremely anxious, but anxious doesn’t seem an adequate term; she was having severe obsessive-compulsive, maybe paranoid, feelings. (I think I’ve blocked the details from my memory; it was the scariest thing I’ve ever endured with a family member.) She stayed home from school for a few days and had to postpone some semester final exams. The school was cooperative. I think the guidance counselor offered to write letters of explanation that we could send, if we chose, to the colleges to which my daughter had applied. I can’t remember if we ended up sending any of them, but I would have done so if my daughter had been rejected by the colleges she was most interested in attending. We plodded through the rest of the school year. She eked out her problem classes with Cs, was a little concerned about having acceptances revoked, but that didn’t happen. General problems with anxiety preceded and followed that year. The summer after my daughter’s freshman year in college, acute anxiety recurred, and she began seeing a therapist at home. He was a lifesaver. My daughter still has problems with anxiety but she is functioning well in her post-college life, in the state 2000 miles away where she went to college. For her, college was a wonderful experience, despite the bumps. But if she had been more severely ill, more often, I think we would have had to seriously consider not having her go to college right away, especially out of state.
I so hope that things work out OK for your daughter. I really understand the torment of what you and she are enduring.
So i thought I would post an update. D2 and I met with the dean of students on Friday who encouraged D2 to return to school with support in making up work. D2 went back today and will return to classes tomorrow after a week off. Exams are next week. She will take an incomplete in at least one subject and finish catching up over spring break. Fingers crossed!! Still to come is addressing why this happened and what needs to happen therapeutically before she will be ready for college.
I am glad to hear the school is working with her. Another things that might help is going to school for part of the day if a full day is too much, in order to perhaps work up to the full day. I try to keep in mind that the road to success is not a straight path, nor does it have to be the same path everyone else seems to take. (Though you will be surprised at how many people have taken similar detours along the way.)
Another update! D2 did return to school and completed the winter term–finals ended yesterday. There was some anxiety, but she was able to get back into the swing of things with supportive people helping her. She completed the work in all but 2 classes–and has incompletes in those 2 with the understanding that the work will be completed by the time she comes back from Spring Break in 2 weeks. We have realized that external structure helps, so she will be going to the local library to get work done and if necessary we will involve a tutor.
Clearly once we are past this acute episode there needs to be a lot of soul searching about what needs to be in place before she will be ready for college and how to accomplish this. What’s tricky is that she can hold it together for months at a time, so we need to understand what precipitated this to sort out supports. Jury is out as to whether she is ready for college in the fall.
Well aware of detours–S1 did a gap year before college, did one year of college, and is home again working on anxiety and life skills, won’t be ready to be back in college until Spring term a year from now at the earliest…
Glad to hear your daughter is getting back on track. As a boarding school parent myself, I know how hard it is as a parent to deal with our kids’ issues when they aren’t coming home to the nest every night. It’s especially concerning as a parent when we know they are so close to graduation and just want them to make it to that finish line.
Sounds like a gap year might be a good idea for your daughter - or if her chosen school offers it, at least a delay to a winter start. My kids both did the gap year thing before college - one in particular was definitely needing a break from academics for a bit, a change in scenery, and different experiences. The boarding school scene can grow stale and after a stressful junior year and the whole college application and testing process, its easy to feel burnt out.
You’re smart to think ahead, 2eMomof2. Your daughter sounds a lot like my son, whose anxiety would cripple him to the point of, well, total incapacity. She could get past it, with some time & growing up. Or, she could end up like my son, who got through high school under similar circumstances as your daughter (a lot of help at the end) and suffered a complete nervous breakdown as a freshman in college. He really hasn’t fully recovered - and it’s been 3 years. So do tread lightly, and follow your own gut, along with the advice of therapists you & your daughter find effective. Meantime, celebrate her success and support her fully as she finishes up school. Her health – and your relationship with her right now are the most important factors. She needs to know you’ll be there for her when she turns to you for help.
@katliamom, I’d really like to hear what you feel might have helped…what you wish had been done differently with your son.
I agree that college can wait until someone is ready to manage it, but how do you tell when that is? There are times when it is obvious someone is not ready…but there are other times when it’s a tough call. Especially if part of the anxiety is the worry that they won’t be able to manage to college.
@shoboemom You can’t. All you can do is put in some safeguards. set up an off campus therapist and psychiatrist (you wiuldn’t expect campus health to fully handle any other medical problem requiring a specialist; mental health is no different) before school starts. Maybe pick a college close, even local, so you can get there quickly/keep tabs on your student. you can let the student live on campus, even at a local school if that,s the goal. Maybe budget a 5 year plan so the student can ease into the experience.