<p>Are any of you planning (or specifically NOT planning) on discussing the FA results with your child? I didn't really think twice about this issue - however, I recently read something on one of the boards that made me wonder if I should keep that info to myself. I would love to hear everyone else's thoughts on this matter.</p>
<p>I plan to discuss the FA results with my child, because it is going to have a HUGE impact on our decision. She is only 10 (applying for Grade 6), but she does understand that these schools are waaaaaaay out of our price range and that the only way she can go is if we get significant (75% or more) FA. She already knows this is going to factor into our decision heavily once we receive acceptances. Plus, since we’ve applied through ABC (A Better Chance) she has already been exposed to a lot of the FA talk through the meetings we’ve had to attend.</p>
<p>If a school offers less than demonstrated need, I may hide the cost a little from son simply because he would try to talk us out of it. He doesn’t like us spending a lot of money on him - no matter how much we all may feel it’s “worth it.”</p>
<p>But he knows that unless a school comes close to meeting need, he simply cannot attend. We have been very upfront about the impact of FA. He knows not to get too excited about an acceptance until we know FA details.</p>
<p>I’m curious. What are the reasons for keeping it to oneself other than possible resistance on the part of the student, or guilt over sacrifices made on their behalf? I’m curious because I am sure there are aspects that I haven’t considered.</p>
<p>I have already discussed FA options with my d. I believe her first choice is not a school that has a very large endowment. She loves the program that they have and it is a good fit. Though I feel it is not her best fit. </p>
<p>I can meet the sss contribution is needed but it means things change around the house for me, cable gone, small hobby gone and maybe a second job. I would rather her take a place that could help a little more. </p>
<p>If she only gets in the one school with almost enough money then of course I will do what has to be done, but given an option, I will have to make the best financial decision for our household.</p>
<p>We have discussed it and she sort of understands that…</p>
<p>it isn’t ALL about her—lol</p>
<p>Apparently one schools headmaster strongly urged parents not to discuss FA results with children. I read this about a week ago, but now I can’t remember which school it was (it was a headmaster who wrote a book, in case that jogs anyone memory). Anyhow, the article never outlined all the reasons, it simply referred to the book. I would imagine it may have something to do with self-worth, etc. Until I had read that article, I was completely planning on discussing FA with my D, but now upon further reflection I am wavering. I understand that too little aid could have a direct result on her options, however - I wonder if she really needs to know the amount.
Does she really need to know that one school offered her only $5,000 and another offered her $25,000? If neither amount is enough, I guess it would suffice to say “they did not offer enough” and leave it at that. I would hate her to feel like “Wow, School ABC doesn’t even value me enough to offer me $2,000”. I am not even sure if she would think such things, or what she may be thinking deep down - which is why I threw the scenario out to the group.<br>
Personally, I was full pay at Groton, and I was the type of child who would have been really affected to hear that I wasn’t worth ten thousand dollars.</p>
<p>if you are talking about financial aid for a prospective college student I would naturally assume they would be privy to the information, after all that information comes directly to them typically via mail. I don’t think a graduating senior is necessarily negatively affected by a financial aid package…they shouldn’t personalize it as in, “I’m not valued enough”. Surprised to hear a headmaster suggest withholding such information from a student. It’s part of the planning and decision making process and imho part of dealing with the realities of life…</p>
<p>Lindz126 - I completely agree as far as College/University is concerned. I was referring to secondary school/boarding schools. Some of our children are aged 12/13/14. So it could (possibly) have some sort of impact. The prep school application process is very intimate in nature and so the impact is greater. It feels very personal.</p>
<p>Really, I have no set stance one way or another. I have found these boards to be filled with thoughtful caring parents. I value your opinions & am curious about everyone’s stance. Hopefully, she will receive generous FA offers and it won;t be an issue. If not, I may be back here with specifics asking for more advice !!</p>
<p>I believe Grotonalum is referring to legendary headmaster Frank Boyden of Deerfield, as reported in John McPhee’s great (and short) book, The Headmaster. Read the book. It’s terrific. I do, however, think the stigma of financial aid is much less today than it was back in Boyden’s day.</p>
<p>If you qualify for FA, the amount of FA you get is usually directly related to the endowment and financial aid budget of a school - that is, if they do decide to admit you. It could happen that a school with larger endowment and bigger FA budget (per student) ends up giving less aid than a school otherwise, but it usually is in the “range”. So, it can be easily expained away by telling your child that the school is just not “rich enough” to support as many students as they want, instead of making her feel it’s a reflection of her worthiness.</p>
<p>Checking in with all of the applicants today! Our family policy was this: we did not discuss financial aid specifics with our 13 year old 8th graders. That was partially because we did not want them sharing with their friends. Luckily, they both were able to attend their top choice, but were accepted but waitlisted for FA at their safety schools! College financial aid is a whole different subject. They have been/will be involved in every single choice and detail. There is a huge difference between an 8th grader and senior in prep school, in my mind.</p>
<p>I think it really depends on your child. In our case, it just seemed really strange <em>not</em> to share the actual awards (or lack thereof in one case) with our son. Although he knows better, we still reminded him that this was absolutely private information and was not, under any circumstance, to be shared outside the family. </p>
<p>We were most fortunate in that his first choice also offered the largest award. Even though his second choice (a school that actually costs more per year) didn’t offer as much, we made it clear to our son that it was still a very generous offer and that no school is obligated to offer anything. </p>
<p>I also believe, in the case of the school he will attend, that the generosity of the award will only motivate our son to do his absolute best during the next four years. He is extremely grateful and gratified, as are we, that the school has chosen to invest so much in him. I’ve already told him he better be prepared to be a regular annual donor to that school after he graduates from college! :-)</p>
<p>We discussed with my daughter very early on what we could afford and what we could not. We wanted her to understand that there is always the possibility that she may get a place at a school, but that they may not offer enough FA, and if that is the case then we will have to turn that school down. We have talked in length to her about the whole admission process and that if she is rejected, or does not get the aid that we need, that it is not a reflection on her, but that there are more students than there are money and places available. I think it is important to let your child know that where ever they go they can achieve, that it is not the end of the world if they do not get into their #1 school. It is not where you go, but what you do with where you go that is important.</p>