I take my friends where I find them, but I long ago realized you can’t build your whole social life among people you work with, which I tended to do in my 20s. Because if your work status changes, there goes your social life. When my kids were in school I facilitated their having activities other than school so they would have a number of peer groups, for the same reason.
3 Likes
Most of my friends are worm friends because that where I spend most of my time. My 2 best friends were from my first job when I was 25. My youngest work friend is under 30. I am invited to his wedding next May. I would say I became friends with most of them after I no longer work with them.
3 Likes
That’s amazing - what a network you have
3 Likes
I agree that it is helpful to have a number of friendship groups including some social groups outside of work or school. I think there are a variety of reasons why it is good practice not to limit your social life to only one setting.
Still, I don’t think that a change in work status automatically changes one’s social life. It is perfectly possible to continue to socialize with friends made at work even after you or they move on to work elsewhere. I think it is hard when the friendship revolves around work and you talk work when socializing. Maybe there is not much to talk about once one of you leaves the job (or maybe if a friend gets promoted or demoted it could be weird at some workplaces). But if you still have other things or activities in common, I don’t see why the friendship has to end just because a job does. Though I imagine that it can sometimes be awkward after layoffs or when someone has parted ways non-amicably, but is it any more awkward than maintaining a relationship with both ex-spouses after a divorce?
2 Likes
I worked in the same place with many of the same folks for 30 years. Yes, I had work friends who I also saw outside of work times. We had kids at the same time, went out for outings, had a girls group that continued for a long while.
Most of us are retired now. We still see each other once a month for lunch. We also plan an outing together about four times a year. We still share things about our families.
They are supportive big time!
3 Likes
Yes, I have hundreds of them. (quite literally). However, I rarely see most of them outside of work as I work from home. It’s always nice when we can get together though. In any given week I’m probably texting with 20-30 different work friends on whatever floats our boat.
A few of my very best friends are from work, and those ones I do hang out with outside of work. We’ve taken trips together and everything.
I met my ex at work - we were together for a decade.
I am an introvert too, but I’ve really worked on relationship building during my career. I actually mentored someone last year who is also introverted and was looking for ways to build relationships at work. She got promoted like 8 months later, so I guess we did good. 
I have different types of work friends. At the closest, is the guy that I’ve had lunch with every other week since 2013. We’ve missed some because of vacations but the tradition continues even though he has retired. We started worked together over 20 years ago and quickly realized our kids were the same ages and we liked the same music so we started hanging out.
At the other extreme are the folks I don’t hang out with outside of work but we certainly have a relationship.
Much of my job requires interacting with others fairly intensely (i.e., meeting at least weekly for the duration of the project) so friendship become sort of inevitable.
1 Like
When I was young and worked full time out of college, I would consider my co-workers more acquaintances rather than friends. We socialized in the office and had lunch together, but not after work.
I have had a series of part-time gigs over the past 25 years or so. I maintained contact with some ex-co-workers, but it was more of a networking thing rather than friendship. I did have a boss who was a good friend (but we were friends first and we are still friends). Out of all of those people I worked with, I have one ex-co-worker whom I consider a good friend. We meet for coffee to catch up every few months.
I don’t see my daughter (28) and her friends forming strong connections with any of their co-workers. Since they started working from home, they don’t even do what I would consider normal socializing (no after work drinks, no lunches together, etc.)
My daughter’s group at work has been trying to encourage more socializing (they have 1/3 of the staff in the office each week on a different day). The couple of events they have had during work hours, things like a picnic and holiday party have been poorly attended.
I made great work friends when I was younger. But in similar jobs I’ve had more recently, the pace and productivity pressure have virtually eliminated the ability to get to know coworkers and build friendships. Everybody just had their heads down trying to get their work done and go home. We didn’t even have team meetings or inservices anymore. I feel terrible for young people entering the workforce today.
I have always made friends at work. At 74, I am always the oldest, usually by far, but I really enjoy the relationships. My current supervisor is 30 or so but we really hit it off, as I did with my first supervisor on this job who is probably around 60. The community mental health clinic where I work is currently homeless; our building was in receivership and there was no heat or air conditioning, ugh. One day a week I work at another clinic for clients who can get there and want to see me face to face (mask to mask; I insist!) and it’s a pleasure to have made several new friends there in addition to others from our clinic who also work there.
In April I am going to Israel to visit dear friends there for Passover; I met the husband in 1972 when we worked together. I went to both their children’s weddings and they are coming to my daughter’s wedding in November.
My daughter is a third-year medical student and she has made some friendships that look like they have staying power. I hope so!
1 Like
One of my old work friends was ~30 years older than me and more like a second mother. She was the only person I knew who worked when her kids were really young. When older S was born, I had to go back after 1 week part time and 7 weeks FT. She went back with her youngest when she was 5 weeks old. We had no formal daycares in the city when mine (and hers!) were born. It was a hard time
But she was a godsend. She’s listen to me cry and tell me all kinds of stories about hers that made me feel better. And her kids were a little older than me and seemed normal and happy, so it helped a lot that mine wasn’t destined to be a screw up. I hated it when she retired. She used to stop by regularly because her H still worked there. After he retired, it dropped to the Xmas luncheon. And since covid, not at all.
3 Likes
OMG, part time after 1 week postpartum?!!! 
When I was younger, H and I worked in the same place (different departments). We had a number of very good friends from work, and we did a lot with them outside of work. As time passed and people took other positions, we did continue to get together for quite a few years. Eventually, kids and their activities took front seat. We are still FB friends, and we are still thrilled when we we happen to run into each other. But H & I don’t live near any of them, so we don’t run into them much. But I cherish those memories.
I keep in touch with a woman I worked with in my next job, but it’s just annual Christmas cards. She lives five hours away, but I don’t think I’d call to meet up if I was in her area. That’s the introvert in me.
I didn’t work for many years when raising my kids. When I reentered the workforce, I was friendly with my coworkers & made a couple friends I saw outside of work. We’ve drifted apart, but if I were more extroverted, I’d get us together … we are all introverts, so we’ll probably just keep thinking about how nice it would be to see each other!
In my most recent job, I was friendly with everyone on our small staff, but I was especially close to two of them. I’ve been gone more than three years, but I keep in touch with both & see both from time to time.
My H retired four years ago, and he’s still close to a number of people he worked with. He sees them for lunch every couple months, and we see them socially every so often.
Currently there are 3 of us ladies in the front office (and a male attorney in the back). The three of us do chat at work frequently. Honestly they are my sounding board- I can tell them anything without judgement or fear that they will spread anything to people I know.
We don’t do things outside of work normally, but I wouldn’t be opposed. One is actually my daughters’ friend, and the other is old enough to be my mom, so we wouldn’t naturally just hang out, but we could do a meal out or something no problem. I really don’t do things with friends of any type anyway, mostly just family.
1 Like
Yeah. I didn’t qualify for FMLA since I got pregnant first day on the job. First female to work in my division too lol. But we couldn’t afford leave without pay. We could barely afford life with my pay. I look back now and wonder how I survived. I was young I guess. You just did what you had to do. It didn’t mean there weren’t a lot of tears along the way though.
It wasn’t until S was in high school and I finally got a real raise where we could breathe comfortably. Just in time to fill out FASFA. Ha
My first job was in a training program with other recents grads so there was a lot of socializing. One of my best friends today is from that group even though neither of us has been with that company for over 25 years now.
I think there are work friends who are situational friends - you enjoy their company, maybe go out to lunch, maybe socialize with spouses occasionally but if one of you leaves, the friendship may not keep up. And then there are friends you meet at work, who remain in your life.
It comes down to how many close friendships one can sustain too.
1 Like
For me it depended on the workplace. In most places I worked (including my last one) , I made a handful of friends. In one place I made none, but I was a “fish out of water” as a 50 y.o. married mom of 2 in an office where the average employee was a 27 year old single male. I didn’t work there long - not for lack of friends/peers but horrible work conditions.
I worked in a job several years ago where there were about a dozen employees and we were all friends! The work wasn’t great but the people were. We were diverse age wise, racially and ethnically but we all had similar work ethics and personal values. Just really great people. Oh yea. every single one of us in that workplace was female.
1 Like
The work friends that I still keep in touch with were from my first two jobs in my twenties. From my first job, one co-worker who is still one of my best friends and was a bridesmaid at my wedding, and another friend from a different department who I met through her. From my second job, there are 6 of us who ranged in age (20 yrs between the oldest and youngest), who stayed in touch and continue to get together 2 or 3 times a year, even traveling together sometimes, but with Covid and two of them moving across the country, that has tapered off a bit.
It seems to me that it’s much easier to make close friends (not just at work, but in any situation) when you are younger. The other group of close friends I have are all from college or people I met in my early twenties. The friends we’ve made in our later years have been through our kids and it’s still a toss-up whether those relationships will remain now that our kids have grown up (in college and.or recently college grads).
From the same 7-day challenge:
Even introverts need social activities
A 2020 study conducted during the pandemic found that the resulting social isolation was not, as was commonly believed, “an introvert’s paradise.” Even for people who considered themselves introverts, the study authors write, “close human affiliation serves as a protective buffer against social disconnectedness and low mood.”
A self-described introvert, Jenn Granneman, the founder of the online community Introvert, Dear and the author of the upcoming book “Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World,” has said that introverts aren’t antisocial but instead selectively social. Introverts can cultivate a sense of belonging by “looking for passions rather than friends,” said Susan Cain, the author of “Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking,” a repudiation of the extrovert ideal. Pursue something that interests you, she said, and “the like-minded friends will come.”
Introverts can summon the resolve to initiate plans by telling themselves they’re “giving the gift of going first,” Ms. Granneman added. “Send the text, ask the question or plan a date. You might be surprised at how much the other person appreciates you reaching out.”
One way Ms. Granneman does this is to buy two tickets, a few months in advance, to any shows or events that catch her eye. When the event rolls around, she said, “having the extra ticket puts some pressure on me, in a good way, to reach out to my network because I want someone to go with me and I don’t want the ticket to go to waste.” Most people are excited to be offered a ticket, she said, and almost always accept.
Here’s a bonus exercise for today: If you receive an invitation this week, say yes when you normally might say no.
I am almost out of gift links; maybe someone else can provide one for this article.
2 Likes
This. I actually am going to do the suggested task of buying two tickets to a play (H would never go) and then ask someone to go with me - it might be S or DIL or it might be a friend. Point being, I know I won’t “waste” a ticket and seeing a play is something I’ve been wanting to do!
5 Likes