<p>Its irrelevant whether or not her daughter is in competition with someone else at her school. Even if she was competing specifically for a single opening.You do not try and spoil anothers chances by reporting an indiscretion that they made years ago. It is bad and wrong on several ethical levels. ITS WRONG and does not reflect well on the OPs daughter.</p>
<p>My daughter lost out on a top spot in her school’s rankings, when she was replaced by two kids with lower gpa’s but parents were big donors. Two teachers clued me in on the side. I was so tempted to blow the whistle. But I became convinced that schools really don’t want to see subterfuge and bitterness. It is a very unattractive position for your daughter and she might be looking very attractive to the school right now. I think you risk blowing it. By the way, schools aren’t dumb. In the end, my daughter got into better schools than the kids (parents) who cheated.</p>
<p>I think parents and hs students blame a few very strong candidates in the graduating class on every disapointment. My D never applied to Cornell or Northwester or UNC or Dartmouth – yet somehow these idiots were just sure she was the reason their kids got turned down.</p>
<p>Sorry. It’s idiotic. Again I say the competition is not at your school . . . it is global. With all due respect to epiphany - what exactly is the source of her expert knowledge on the innner workingd of college admissions? Does she sit on a committe at one of the most selective schools in the country? If so, I’m all ears.</p>
<p>I try to be careful not to post too much about my own son’s experiences. We don’t attend a public school system that is stoked up with competition comparable to kids in Boston or DC..but..nevertheless, it is only human to feel some of this nutty jealous competition. But this is a teaching moment in life. My biggest alarm about the OP is that the Mom and D truly feel that they have a shot at College X..which is in itself a fallacy position..everyone without a world class connection or rare talent that would create a bidding war…is on the same level ground once you hit a certain mark..and then all sorts of the irrational in variables comes into play.<br>
Here is a little thing that son did when faced with applying to a “same school” as an extremely admirable classmate…they wrote each other’s peer references. I saw my son’s peer reference. He said with complete sincereity that the other classmate was the most outstanding member of his class, and that because if this student, he had been less lonely all his life, had intellectual companionship and some shared adventures and had worked harder to keep up with this classmate, even if he was often just a smidgen behind. He singled out the other classmate’s best qualities outside the classroom. Our son was admitted, the other student was not. The other student was by the way, a great kid but was miffed that our son applied to College X and said so to our son a couple of times, but son tried not to take it to heart because everyone is a little bit guilty of ill feelings and irrational feeling of competition in the last run to college admissions. My son is no saint..although he was never preoccupied with the peers in his circle and their being selected “over him” sometimes he did express nutty ideas that someone in another county he had vaguely heard of would take his “spot” ..in a school he was not admitted to later..as I said..these kids are human. Never saw what the classmate wrote about my son. However, I believe but can never confirm, that the generous quality of my son’s peer reference letter for a “competitor” was part of the reason he was admitted.</p>
<p>Faline2: That is such a heartwarming story. I feel better already.</p>
<p>And OP: Some people would think that “ratting out” the competition is worse than what the other girl initially did. So…we really hope your daughter decided not to this. </p>
<p>We’ll root for her.</p>
<p>I believe Epiphany is correct. I have had kids in high schools that are extremely competitive and much of the class applies to the same few schools. It is just a given that the inner school competition is the most competitive part. If there are legacies and big donors that year the top student’s chances go way down.</p>
<p>I am also a believer that teacher’s and guidance counselors play a big role in exposing the kids who don’t deserve the admit.</p>
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<p>What a wonderful story, Faline. Your son sounds like a remarkable young man.</p>
<p>Faline, your son’s peer rec reflected well not only on the other student, but also on himself. To be that aware of the positive influence a “competitor” student and to be that open with sincere praise speaks so well of your son… no wonder he was accepted! </p>
<p>Not that he would have written anything like that thinking it was about him, it was clearly about his friend, but inadvertently it made your son look better. Which just goes to prove to the OP’s daughter that tearing down another student is just going to make her look worse.</p>
<p>Faline, that peer rec is probably why your S was accepted. It demonstrated grace, thought, maturity and the realization that there is ALWAYS someone out there who is smarter, better-qualified, etc., and one can take that knowledge and let it defeat you, or make it work for you. Kudos on raising a fine young man!</p>
<p>About 35% of S’s cohort applied to one of the HPYSM schools (and a couple dozen to most of the others). If the kids there were to worry about who had a “better” resume/transcript than the others, it would lead to even more stress and insanity than these kids already have to handle. I was grateful the school did not formally rank. Some do get that freaked out about it; S did not care. </p>
<p>We got lots of comments from other parents about how S would get in everywhere and asking what we as parents had done. If they knew his GPA, they would have thought quite differently about my parenting skills! 
On the other hand, there were a few parents who, when they learned S’s GPA, were relieved. There is hope for absent-minded sons!</p>
<p>OP, if you are still here, you might consider sharing some of this thread with your D. There is a great deal of wisdom here.</p>
<p>The peer reference my son spent a lot of time crafting for his friend really was beautifully written but it was easy to praise his “competitor/friend” because this classmate had shiny character and some talents easy to illustrate in his essay…that far out-stripped my son’s. I realize it is harder to feel neutral about a classmate with history of character/ethics issues, but the first level of irrationality is operating on the belief that you have a likely admission in the first place..if only another person was not a distraction/impediment. My son was perfectly prepared for a reach waitlist and expected the peer to get the nod, or at least was firmly convinced the peer deserved entry…so largesse was easier to come by. My advice to OP is to get interested in the other colleges that received her application, and pay them true and equal due respect, so that whatever happens is the Good Outcome the OP’s daughter worked hard to deserve. Our son was disappointed by one waitlist on a crush Ivy, surprised by an entry to a Reach and was frankly prepared to go to his match colleges happily, and had therefore attached to those match colleges and visualized himself at them to the point that it was oddly hard to switch gears to attend a reach college in the end.</p>
<p>Faline: I think your advice is spot on, and I must say you must be a remarkable person yourself to have instilled these values in your son. He clearly understands what’s important and values himself and his own integrity for the the right reasons. Congratulations. Acceptance at this Reach school is clearly just the icing on the cake.</p>
<p>And kudos to an admissions staff who was able to see your son’s qualities and want him for its class. (Someone was paying attention to connect the peer recommendation to the application I imagine.)</p>
<p>I hope the other young man is happily settled as well.</p>
<p>kjbny: When the dust settles next spring, please tell us (a) what your daughter did, and (b) whether one or both of these girls was accepted. Anxious minds want to know.</p>
<p>The “competitor classmate” who wrote a peer reference for our son would like to have been admitted to our son’s college, but may not have chosen it in April anyway. He accepted another honors track admission offer, and has recently received an all university level honor in that college that has made our entire neighborhood and his family proud. He clearly “deserved” admission to the school our son now attends, had higher test scores than our son, better class rank, plus had sports talent with accolades in our state. Our son was also an award winning “match” for a certain specific academic program at his crush Ivy, but the door was closed to him, no explanation, only the reality that there were close to 20 thousand highly talented unique applicants with their own credentials trying to get in.<br>
The only way to get through this process with your head up high is to take the high road, and to let you kid vent at home about the “unfairness” of life, or the unfairness of so and so getting this or that. Nothing is more important than proper respect for the also ran colleges on your list..your match colleges, which let’s face it are going to be in many ways just as tough academically, and where you will meet brilliant faculty and might even have an opportunity to stand out. My son is really not a saintly person at all and is capable of venial sins and could be caught now and then wasting energy judging others. I have made it a point however to teach him that the most important mental health standard is to hold, whenever possible, a high opinion of others–teachers, peers, adults, classmates. We are all works in progress…and this is going to hold true freshman year in college as well. The jerk on your hall who appeared to be all about privilege, status and superficiality can morph into the surgeon who saves lives and wises up, and learns to judge others with better values. The shy introvert on your freshman hall who seemed a bore in the room next door can morph into a great talent and the person whose opinion you most value..second or third year. I asked my son when he left home to stay open to his freshman classmates and not to judge them too harshly by their freshman follies, and to sit back and enjoy how his classmates might blossom and open up.</p>
<p>Faline2 - you’re my new CC parent hero.</p>
<p>I agree with above posters as well, don’t say anything. Situations like this will arise throughout your D’s life…college, work and beyond. Life isn’t fair and colleges accept kids for many different reasons…it isn’t all about test scores and grades. Maybe they need a tuba player or a cheerleader or a wrestler. Having gone through the college admissions process with three children from a VERY competitive high school,(where two had worked their tushes off to get into a specific school and the middle one skated into a great LAC for wrestling–unfair, but true) the process can make us all a little crazy. By the time the third one was applying to schools last September, I had a little meltdown in the GC’s office because the questions were already starting about the GPA’s, test scores, how many colleges,which ones and what’s the first choice, you name it. It can all become too much if you let it. We just didn’t let it–my S kept his nose to the grind for the rest of the semester and worked as hard as he could and focused on what he could control-his behavior and grades. There are great posts above on how to handle the pressure, but the best advice I can give it don’t be consumed by it. It serves NO ONE well, especially your daughter.</p>
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<p>I hope your daughter doesn’t do this…ever. She should concentrate on HER application, and not on anyone else’s.</p>
<p>Does your daughter think that “telling about the past history” will make HER application more favorable? It won’t.</p>
<p>Your D is treading on very bad water. This is territory she should not venture into. She should concentrate on her own applications. What she contemplates doing is possibly libel and slander. Ethically and morally it is none of her business and you most certainly should discourage her strongly. This could backfire on her. She could possible ruin someones future and I don’t think this is something that should be treated lightly.</p>
<p>We seem to have lost the OP, but it’s refreshing to be on a thread where we all agree and can celebrate integrity, maturity and acceptance.</p>
<p>Here, here</p>
<p>Common Application:</p>
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<p>Secondary School Report:</p>
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<p>The applicant and the counselor will take care of dishonesty issue. If the school tries to hide it then it will be tough to fight.</p>