<p>I was wondering, with my son preparing to head off, several states away, to college, everyone keeps telling me that I should expect him to settle down there eventually, and my grandchildren will live there.</p>
<p>Is this what everyone else sees or experiences? Do you think this is true? Thanks!</p>
<p>That has not been the case with my kids who both attended college 7 - 17 hours away BUT I found it made at least one of my kids realize that she could live anywhere. Since graduation in 2007 (home state PA, college in IL) she has lived in China, New York City, Nashvile, TN (grad school) and is now in Washington DC. I’m just happy for the East coast!</p>
<p>Student’s input: I think this used to be the case, but all of my recently graduated friends are moving pretty much wherever they can find work. I do see that many of them end up staying in the same geographic region, but I think that’s more a matter of practicality (e.g. their school’s name has more clout in the area, they’re able to network using the alumni network more effectively in the area) than desire.</p>
<p>S went to undergrad on the east coast, grad school on the west coast and is currently employed in the center of the US.</p>
<p>Some kids end up working where they interned. I think this would be a good predictor of where they start out working.</p>
<p>If he stays with this employer he will have an opportunity to work all over the world. If he changes jobs it will be because of what the job offers; not so much where the job is located.</p>
<p>I don’t know what happens with matters of the heart and marriage. I do know some upwardly mobile couples often work in other locations than their spouse and they visit monthly. Not sure of the long term effects on marriage but it seems to be a new normal.</p>
<p>Depends on the field.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids lives where they went to college…and we thought both would!</p>
<p>Lots of students settle where they go to college, since they are already there, commuting to the local community college or state university.</p>
<p>Of those who “go away”, it is likely that states like Alabama are hoping that some of those who are attracted by large scholarships and/or cheap out-of-state tuition stay there after graduation and boost the economy.</p>
<p>One of the reason I want my kids to go to college out of state is to realize there is an entire country out there. I have no intention of staying where we are after retirement, so I don’t want them to count on us being here indefinitely.</p>
<p>I grew up in MD, went to school in PA, interned in CA and ended up in New England. But I tend to be a outlier…</p>
<p>Your entire question suggests that you think this is a bad thing, and your other posts suggest that you would be disappointed / upset if the answer is “yes.” Which begs the question – is it your kid’s life, or yours?</p>
<p>I want my kids to think of the country (and the world) as their oyster, and frankly the one disadvantage of the school that my S attends is that it is in our backyard (less than an hour away). While it’s certainly been convenient for holiday travel and so forth, I would have preferred him to have gone away, all else being equal - and my #1 personal choice for him was a school in Washington DC.</p>
<p>My 23 yo niece is moving to London for her work. To me, that’s exciting. Not something to bemoan and wail about.</p>
<p>It varies. </p>
<p>If the college is in a place where there are few jobs, probably not.</p>
<p>If the college is in a place that the student was attracted to because of an industry that’s located there (such as entertainment in Los Angeles or the federal government in Washington, DC), then probably yes.</p>
<p>In all other situations, your guess is as good as mine. </p>
<p>One of my kids went to college less than an hour from home and moved to the other side of the country immediately after graduation. He has been there ever since. The other one went to college a seven-hour drive from home but came back to take a job in the same metropolitan area she grew up in. Go figure.</p>
<p>I think it can happen, but it really depends. In STEM fields you might want to look where they do summer internships. My son spent three summers in CA, and that is where he is working although he went to school in Pittsburgh. My younger son is at Tufts, but I think the most likely scenario is that he’ll head back to the middle east (where he is currently doing a junior year abroad) after graduation.</p>
<p>I do think for some jobs (like architecture) it is much easier to find work where your professors have connections, unless you have connections in your home town. </p>
<p>I grew up in the foreign service with Washington DC as a home base. The only person now living in DC of my extended family is my sister-in-law. That seems pretty normal to me.</p>
<p>I understand where you’re coming from, Imkh. My Dd went to college on the other side of the country, and then went to grad school in the same area. She was living 3000 miles away for eight years. Had she married and had her children there, I would have missed her, missed seeing her growing family and being part of my grandchildren’s lives. Yes, it’s her life, but family is important to me. As a parent, I know how important and grounding having one’s family, including grandparents, can be for kids growing up.
Funny thing, family is very important to her as well, and she moved back to the west coast a year ago and a half ago. While living on the east coast was exciting and rewarding in many ways, she is so happy to be near the family again- her parents, grandparents, brother, as well as a huge contingent of close friends. Her career isn’t contingent on location, so she was able to make the move back, and is glad she did. </p>
<p>Feelings around this issue are such personal ones, but I don’t think you can predict if you kids will stay close by or move away due to more schooling or career, and of course you don’t want to “guilt” them into choosing something based on wanting them near you. But it’s pretty normal to be disappointed if they raise a family on the other side of the country. You can be both disappointed and happy for them at the same time. It’s part of life that we can’t control but manage to deal with if it happens. But I don’t think there’s any pattern and is highly dependent on their career choices. Some stay, some come “home” again.</p>
<p>Students Ive known who attended undergrad in rural areas, generally have come back to their home state.
Those in more populated regions, stay there, at least for a while.</p>
<p>I am hoping my D ends up at an out of state school and ends up living there or somewhere besides our home state. I lived in 4 different states and it really opened my eyes to different cultures and ways of thinking that I want my D to also experience. </p>
<p>So many live and die in the same 50 mile square mile area without ever getting a taste of life in other areas (vacations don’t count). Ideally D would settle in a nice region and where we could retire shortly after.</p>
<p>The operative word is “tend”. It’s hardly universal. But it’s something to think about. Grad school matters more than undergraduate if grad school is in the cards. Pay attention to whom they marry. And if you want them to live in their hometown, it helps if their hometown is New York City.</p>
<p>In my family/my generation (including my in-laws, and including everyone’s spouses, ages 50-63 at this point), 6/10 people live(d) in the general area of the institution from which they received their highest degree, and another 2/10 live in the general area of the institution from which their spouse got her highest degree. There was only one couple, who lived in and around NYC, who were not within easy driving distance of their highest degree institution (in this case, Thunderbird and Rice). </p>
<p>Our kids are all 22-31; they are all out of college (one since last weekend), but many are still in process. At this point, 4/9 are living near the institution from which they got their highest degree. Two of the 5 who aren’t near that institution are currently in grad school, and another two (one of each) are planning to go to grad school in the near future. One of the 4 is likely to move across the country in a few months (following his mother, who made the same move last summer). So if you took the count again in a year it might be totally different. </p>
<p>I will also note that relatively few of these people live where they grew up. One in my generation, and three (for the moment, at least) in the next one (three brothers who grew up in NYC and Westchester). Of those four people, two got their highest degree from a university in that community (one a BA, the other an MD, with a BA earned 2,000 miles away), one is currently in grad school there, and the fourth graduated from college last weekend. By this time next year, it’s possible that only one of these people – the one who’s 50 – will still be living where he or she grew up.</p>
<p>This is illustrative; it’s obviously not scientific.</p>
<p>I think a lot depends on where one gets a job. One friend’s son is in Erie, another Wisconsin (both engineers).</p>
<p>The romance factor affects others, when they look to cities where both are likely to find employment.</p>
<p>I went to college in Pennsylvania, graduate school in Northern California, and have lived in Southern California, Pennsylvania, Washington State and now New Jersey. When I was getting out of graduate school I went for an informational interview in my home town. I was told that there were 3 jobs in my profession in the entire state, and that the person I was talking to (who had one of those 3 jobs) was not planning on retiring any time soon. Needless to say, I have never resided in my home state since age 17.</p>
<p>I am much more interested in my children getting a good education, having a career that they enjoy and pays enough to live on and finding a loving life companion. It might be nice if they lived in the same time zone, but since I don’t know where exactly we are going to end up in retirement I find it pointless to speculate as to where they will end up living.</p>
<p>Neither of my S’s are living/working in their college cities. Both attended college in our state. S1 is working one state away and S2 came back to our town to work. </p>
<p>S1 loves his college town and says he will return to it someday when he leaves the military. S2 loved his town during college but doesn’t think he would want to live there as a working adult.</p>
<p>I didn’t, my DH didn’t, and none of my siblings did. In fact, I can’t think of anyone I know who went to my college or my law school and wasn’t originally from the towns in which they were located who ended up staying there. However, I didn’t go back to my hometown (or my home state), nor did DH (although we’re currently within an hour of his home state).</p>