<p>My concern is that it may be more than merely an unhappiness with being unable to pursue theatre (as noted in a number of posts above there is a LOT of art making at Harvard-- the last weekend in April was Arts First and the entire campus was awash in all sorts of art making by undergraduates). </p>
<p>It could be just that-- but also make certain that it is not the cover for a deeper unhappiness–an unhappiness that will transcend wherever she is at school. Obviously it is impossible for any of us to even hazard a guess, but make certain that the “easy” answer that she doesn’t like her house or she wants more theatre isn’t just that–an easy answer. Please, please make sure her residential dean knows of her unhappiness–each house has hundreds of students and those who are quiet and sad are often the ones who get overlooked as the dean deals with those who are much more noticeably “in trouble”.</p>
<p>Again, I am not writing that there IS more than the reasons stated for her unhappiness, but just make sure that that is all there is.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for your suggestions and concerns. </p>
<p>@coureur: I think your observations about kids being unhappy because of social-issues are dead-on.</p>
<p>@caesarcreek: She is already heavily involved with the theater community; if I say more, I’ll give her away. Her overall experience though has been frustrating, as the majority of productions are student run, and much depends on the organizational skills of those involved – ie. rehearsals being called every night from 6pm to midnight for the entire cast because director/stage manager/producer is disorganized. She’s worked with one organized team and 3 disorganized teams. It’s great when it’s great and hell when it’s not. BTW: Yale (which she applied to and was rejected from) does have an undergraduate theater studies major with faculty/advisor oversight, as seniors get thesis credit for production work.</p>
<p>@zapfino: Thank you, I passed along the MIT suggestion. That was very helpful.</p>
<p>@etondad: She is far from quiet. Her dean is aware of her unhappiness, and we live a short car ride away, so we are able to check-in and take her out to brunch at least once a month. Although she’s unhappy, she’s not checking-out.</p>
<p>@fauxmaven: I mentioned my daughter’s experience to highlight the fact that many students at Harvard (at least from the parents that I’ve spoken to) are not as happy as the glossy photos in the brochures make them out to be. This past holiday season, I met a woman at a party who graduated from Harvard about 15-20 years ago. Given my daughter’s feelings, I asked how she enjoyed her time there. Her response “I hated it, and everyone I knew hated it as well.” Why did you stay there if you hated it so much, I asked. “Because I will never again have to prove to anyone that I’m smart.” That seems to be my daughter’s feelings, as well. And it may be the predominant reason why she’s not transferring out.</p>
<p>OP, I’m not sure why you asked the question … I do know this. If my child is at a school and thinking about transferring I would council her/him that what other students/families typically do is of no consequence … figure out what is best for you and to it … whether the decision and action is typical or atypical is insignificant; what matters is it is right for you.</p>
<p>I agree the organizational quality varies a lot; maybe that’s why I became a producer -self-defense! As well as why I eventually became a
Business professor. </p>
<p>If she’s really involved but really unhappy, it’s hard for me to believe that the deepest problem is annoyingly bad organization. Her areas of concern are so many! </p>
<p>I agree with other posters that addressing the mood and unhappiness first is really important. First, because she deserves to feel better RIGHT AWAY. Second, because just moving school (or dorm or major) wont help if that’s not the whole root problem.</p>
<p>Feel free to PM me if you want. </p>
<p>Caesarcreek '80
HRDS ART G&S you name it I worked it</p>
<p>@miami–I think there’s a really good point in what you’ve just said. In some sense, it doesn’t matter how Harvard seems to most people. But it matters a lot how a person experiences Harvard herself. If Harvard was making your friend, or the OP’s daughter, miserable, that’s an issue worth taking on. </p>
<p>Not everybody has to leave Harvard in order to resolve the issue, of course, but some will.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The son of a friend, who was a prospective Computer Science concentrator, strongly disliked his first year at Harvard, and was accepted at Stanford as a transfer. He never actually showed up there, however. He took a job at Facebook for the summer, and never left; that was three years ago.</p></li>
<li><p>I forget his screen name, but there was a very active poster on CC who left Harvard last year after his first year, very disappointed with the quality of his classes and classmates. He was planning to travel for a year and apply to transfer in this cohort; I don’t know what has happened with him.</p></li>
<li><p>Years ago, I had three friends (or two friends and a friend-of-a-friend) who left Yale after one or two years: </p></li>
</ol>
<p>An African-American man who was struggling academically and socially, and felt he needed to be in an environment where more than a handful of people looked like him (he had left his home community at 13 to go to a fancy boarding school on full scholarship). The last anyone I know heard, he was driving trucks in Texas, but that was years and years ago. (Unfortunately, his name is so common that Google and Facebook are useless for stalking him.) </p>
<p>A woman from Northern California who never felt comfortable with the weather and social mores on the East Coast. She transferred to Stanford (where she was much happier), and has spent most of her career as an Assistant U.S. Attorney in the Central Valley. </p>
<p>A woman from a blue-collar family in Detroit, who couldn’t stand the wealth and entitlement many of her classmates showed. She transferred to Michigan, and was much happier; she is a history professor at a state flagship.</p>
<p>Another friend “left” because her boyfriend murdered her, and her boyfriend left because he went to prison for the murder. There were also a couple of cases I heard about of divorcing parents who stopped paying for college, forcing the child to leave. If you have a population of 5-7,000 young adults, they are not always all going to be happy and healthy.</p>
<p>“If she’s really involved but really unhappy, it’s hard for me to believe that the deepest problem is annoyingly bad organization. Her areas of concern are so many!”</p>
<p>What I find strange/troubling is that she hasn’t made good friends through the theater productions. In my experience, shows with lots of freshmen in the cast produced intense bonding, and often future blockmates. A disorganized/excessive rehearsal schedule shouldn’t impair that; sometimes surviving a tough production can even strengthen camaraderie within the cast.</p>
<p>IMHO, it’s silly not to leave if she believes she’d be happier at another college. With high grades, she would have plenty of options for an impressive diploma. But at a minimum, she should try transferring houses if it is not too late. Joining a long-term EC (as opposed to individual shows) would be smart, too. Maybe HRDC leadership, where she can also influence which productions get space? Or WHRB or Kuumba? If you don’t feel love and support at a Kuumba rehearsal, something is definitely wrong.</p>