<p>DH and I attended both our sons’ undergrad ceremony. S2 wouldn’t walk for his Master’s but will next year for PhD, probably because I want him too ;)</p>
<p>I’m surprised at the posts from parents reporting that it is unusual or unheard of for parents not to attend the graduation. I think that reflects the elite focus of CC – that is, many CC students attend very prestigious colleges, and many CC parents have the financial means to easily travel to attend a distant graduation – so their worldview is somewhat different. </p>
<p>For many families, financing their offspring’s education may have involved significant financial sacrifice, and the cost of travel and accommodations or time missed from work may simply be untenable under those circumstances. Sometimes there are other reasons that family cannot come – a parent may have health problems that stand in the way of travel, or the family may have conflicting obligations involving other siblings. No one takes attendance at graduation and I think that parents who are attending would probably not notice or be aware of which students had their parents there or not. But I can assure you, it is not at all uncommon that the parents are not there. </p>
<p>I graduated from a large state U. and didn’t even attend my own graduation, much less expect my parents to come. I did attend a smaller departmental gathering – I was in a fairly small department and I think I received departmental honors, so that was meaningful – I knew all the profs and most of the other students. A few years later, my parents did attend my law school graduation – that was far more meaningful (and very memorable, even 35 years down the line). </p>
<p>I did attend my kids’ college graduations – but there were different reasons for each. That is, it was not an automatic assumption that I would attend. </p>
<p>I do think it depends on the size of the school, the type of the graduation ceremony, the student’s history and experience with that school, and (of course) the distance that the family must travel and the expense involved in doing so. The question isn’t what other parents do, is whether it is “special” enough for your family for an overseas trip. Some graduations simply are more special than others, because of the circumstances. Of course that is a question that each family can answer only for themselves. </p>
<p>Do ask your son whether HE would be attending if you don’t come – and keep in mind that many schools have a video and live stream of the proceedings. For a small, intimate ceremony, watching online would be a poor substitute for attendance – but for a large ceremony, it might provide you with a much better vantage point.</p>
<p>There is nothing elitist about attending your kid’s graduation. When my brother graduated from college, my parents had one run down car. This car got over heated few times on the road. We left at the crack of dawn and left as soon as the graduation was over, but my dad wasn’t going to miss it. We all went to college with huge amount of FA, but my parents attended all of our graduations, so I don’t think going to graduation is just for the riches. There is nothing wrong in deciding graduation is not important to you, but lets try not to attach this to social economic class in the US.</p>
<p>My recommendation is that your SON definitely attends his graduation. For you to take the time and spend the money just for this event may not be worth it. Some schools offer a live video of the ceremony (UW-Madison does, and had large monitors to watch closeup views from the indoor arena seats). Check to see if you can follow online, or view later at a convenient time. Be sure to get the parents of his friends to take pictures et al for you. This is a matter between you and your child- it affects no one else.</p>
<p>My D will be graduating from a huge university, 20 miles from home. She prefers not to attend the ceremony. We have not decided whether to force the issue.</p>
<p>Our son graduated in December but was given the choice by his school to “walk” with the next class in May or he could have participated in a small ceremony in December. We asked him to do the May thing and we are going. I think he feels financially obligated to attend on our behalf. :D</p>
<p>DS did not attend his undergrad ceremony from Rutgers in New Brunswick, NJ.
And we were happy not to be part of the big football stadium thing.</p>
<p>We did attend his grad school ceremony, it rained all day for the outdoors ceremony but we were happy we were there. There was also a lovely smaller departmental ceremony INSIDE where we could actually SEE him walk.</p>
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<p>Possibly, then again, my kids are first gen college & the farthest away they attended school is 180 miles from home. Doesn’t take more than 3 or 4 hours to drive to.</p>
<p>I believe 3/4 or so of students attend schools in their own state.
Our family took transportation into account when looking at schools. If we couldnt afford the airfare, it wasnt on the list.</p>
<p>My parents attended both my undergrad and my law school graduation ceremony. Attending did not involve a lot of travel or expense. It was nice to have them there, but I really would not have minded at all if they chose not to attend, and if they would have had to travel a long distance or spend a lot of money to attend, I would have told them not to come. My DH told his mother not to come for his law school graduation ceremony and then he skipped it himself (we went to Disneyland that day instead!). He also skipped his undergrad graduation.</p>
<p>I wasn’t planning to go to my graduation ceremony, but someone talked me into it the afternoon before. I don’t think I even told my mother, but I don’t remember. In any case, she didn’t come (a whopping 3 hour drive). It’s never bothered me in the least. I didn’t go to my master’s graduation (and neither did my mom!).</p>
<p>I will most likely go to my son’s if he goes, and I assume he probably will.</p>
<p>The only way we’ll attend our son’s graduation is if we can talk him into attending it! Since neither of us attended our own undergrad graduations, we don’t have much of a leg to stand on but I hope he does it. </p>
<p>I would say most but certainly not all parents attend graduation ceremonies. Sometimes it’s simply not possible for parents to attend. If my son does walk in his graduation, I’ll be sure to have him ask around and we’ll take anyone whose parents couldn’t attend out to lunch with us to celebrate.</p>
<p>Our son’s football stadium ceremoney at Carnegie Mellon was wonderful (we heard Aron Ralston who had amputated his own hand when he got stuck hiking.) There was a smaller ceremony afterwords for the Computer Science School where they actually got their diplomas which was amazing too - a robot played bappipes and the faculty came out with light sabers and glow in the dark gloves.</p>
<p>In any even IME most, but by no means all parents come. Some grandparents and aunts and uncles may also come. My Dad missed all three of my graduations due to being assigned overseas, and I did not hold it against him.</p>
<p>I think the norm in the US is for parents to attend college graduation–I would think that a sustantial majority do so. In deciding whether you should go, a few things to consider:
- Can you afford it without hardship?
- Do you want to come–will it be fun for you?
- Does your son want you to come?
- Will he be receiving any kind of individual recognition–a prize, a smaller ceremony for his department, etc.? (At my college, there is a huge ceremony for everybody, but smaller, more intimate ones in the residential colleges.)</p>
<p>Many thanks for your replies.
We have decided that one of us will attend and my son seems quite happy about this news.</p>