<p>My daughter will be visiting several schools in the next few weeks. I really don't consider myself a helicopter mom, but am truly curious about the programs (especially with the money some of these schools will cost). She'd like me to join her; I'm not driving this. So, I'm wondering how the grad schools will view it, and how many parents actually go along for these visits.</p>
<p>I think the grad schools would be a bit put off. Parents aren’t usually involved at the grad level.</p>
<p>If she wants you to join her, you could always go with her, but split up once you actually reach the school. She can go to her admitted-grad-student activities, you can look around the campus and the town.</p>
<p>We have two seniors this year – one in HS, one in college. Our soon to be college grad has been admitted to several grad schools; we’ve scarcely been involved in anything, except consultation about her offers. We attended everything when she was looking at colleges, as we’ve done for D2; but we’ve attended nothing for or with D1. We will help her move in next fall however!</p>
<p>D was accepted into a clinical doctorate program in a med school and H went with her for the weekend. He said that 60-70% had someone accompanying them, mostly a parent, but sometimes a spouse. Clearly the program’s agenda prepares for this as the luncheon was split for new students and a separate one for parents. The programs plan on “guests” and seemingly welcome it.</p>
<p>D appreciated his being there to ask questions she might not and share observations she may not have. As a scientist, he was pleased to be able to assess the program on her behalf and enjoyed meeting faculty. He also enjoyed being able to see where D might be spending her next few years. For D, it helped make her first choice become her final choice.</p>
<p>It’s lovely your daughter wants you there–so go without guilt 
And know you WILL NOT be the only parent there. Report back too, so we can hear all about your visit!</p>
<p>empatically, no
if she wants,accompany her on the trips but don’t appear at the activities.D is in her 4th yr of grad school, is a dept mentor for the new admitted students in her program and says parents never appear.</p>
<p>I don’t know if it depends on the type of graduate program as to whether parents will be attending or not. My D will be heading to graduate school in the fall and has made 3 visits to different schools across the country in the past month (all trips paid for by the schools) and she said there were NO parents in attendance. Sometimes there was an occassional husband but they only joined the groups at mealtime. As Zetesis said, our D is 23 now (worked one year after college graduation) and has completed this graduate school process totally on her own. As Jessiehl said, if your D wants you there, I would go along “for the ride” and assess the situation once you get there. If there are other parents in attendance, join in. If not, explore the town, the housing options, the campus etc. so you can supply her with that information.</p>
<p>If your child asks you to go, I say “go” unless you have a compelling reason not to oblige her. I look at this a couple of ways: one of my children needs a lot of handholding and I still provide it when asked; and imho sometimes children reach the point they see us as companions more than parents and just want your company on such a trip if another friend is unavailable for support. If it were me, I would try very hard not to meet any faculty and remain invisible to the grad school, unless there were a specific parent event set up. If you are in the field and possibly know people at the institution, that becomes a different dilemma. It would seem very useful to me to use the time familiarizing yourself with the city and neighborhoods and perhaps checking out housing options. It may save you a trip back deciding on a rental.</p>
<p>There probably will be social events for her with other graduate students that I would guess you want to stay well out of. Are they arranging for her accomodations? How will that work if you go along? If she hasn’t already been accepted, I would not want the program to know she brought a parent along. But that is my opinion and may be completely ridiculous.</p>
<p>I am the parent of several grad students and have never heard of a parent going along to admitted student weekends but am aware of parents arranging for faculty friends at the admitted campus to provide support and help at that end.</p>
<p>Midwest Parent may be right–it could be the type of program involved.
At D’s (medical school-clinical doctorate program) clearly parents were there in abundance and planned for. It seems that perhaps other types of programs as mentioned above, this is just not common practice.</p>
<p>What type of program is your D going into? Also, as someone mentioned, you could go along for the ride and play it by ear. If nothing else, you will be able to see the environment your D will be in, or go do some scouting around for the best shopping, apartments, etc nearby!</p>
<p>PS This same program at Duke and Emory (as well as Northwestern) all included parents. There were fewer parents at Duke’s than Emory’s I understand, fwiw)</p>
<p>When I went to grad school, the 12 members of my doctoral class in clinical psychology ranged from people who had just graduated from college to people who were as old as 36. I don’t remember any admitted student weekends, but if there were one, I’m sure parents didn’t attend. Someone who had needed Mom or Dad at their elbow wouldn’t have been admitted to the program. Grad students were considered to be mature adults.</p>
<p>‘Alh’ makes a good point. My D’s visits to graduate schools (where she was already accepted) were fully paid for by the school - flights (or reimbursement for mileage if you choose to drive), hotel room, and meals. The hotel rooms were shared with another graduate student also attending the accepted student weekend. If the school is making the lodging arrangments, I would bet she is sharing the room with another student.</p>
<p>S applied to grad school last year & had the same experience as Midwestparent’s D with the school picking up the expenses for the admitted students’ visit. We talked to him before his visit about things to look for & questions to ask, but would never have considered going with him. My feeling is that if he was ready for grad school, he was ready to do this on his own.</p>
<p>These are for MArch programs. I’ll be going to WUSTL this weekend with her. I’m not staying at the same hotel with her and the other students. She was told by Admissions that parents, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, are welcome, but need to pay for themselves which is only fair. I’m participating in the school and program information sessions, but not attending any of the social events. </p>
<p>She has gone through the entire process of deciding on schools and applying on her own. I’m glad that she values my opinions and wants me along. I’m not approaching this as I did 4 years ago when I could ask questions because she couldn’t or wouldn’t. I’ll just be along for the ride. I’m expecting that we can discuss questions/issues/etc on our way home.</p>
<p>You absolutely can’t go to grad school’s admit weekends! </p>
<p>The schools are paying for it (usually, at least). The students are housed with current grad students, or with other prospectives at the hotel. Having a parent there will be extremely awkward.</p>
<p>The students have a very busy schedule with meetings, classes, parties, etc that have no place for any “parental involvement”.</p>
<p>If, just in case, your daughter is a waitlisted student that was invited to attend admitted students weekend, she should realize that she is being evaluated (even if she’s told otherwise…). Having a parent around in that situation would be especially bad idea.</p>
<p>OP I forgot to say congratulations to your daughter for this accomplishment. She must be an outstanding student with lots going on for her to be invited to all these weekends. Very impressive!</p>
<p>Even if the program is arranging housing, social events, etc… and your daughter understands this and still wants you to go and you have the means and energy I’d say do it… even though it is definitely not the norm… if you feel she needs you. But stay away from the group and make yourself inconspicuous, just available to her if she wants you. I might stay at a different hotel. My reasoning: last term before graduation with everything involved plus grad school decisions can be really stressful for some students and what is the downside to giving support if they ask? I can imagine students not wanting to travel on their own or negotiate a strange city and at 50+ those can be rather overwhelming experiences for me by myself and I have had lots of experience with it. Maybe after the first visit, she won’t think it necessary you accompany her. Thank goodness, my parents were always willing to provide handholding, when requested, even after I had my own children. And I am making travel arrangements right now to go catch up cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping for a grad student child who just successfully completed a major academic hurdle and asked for assistance getting everyday stuff back on track. My other children would find this idea rather horrifying at this point in their lives and I wouldn’t intrude on them. But I don’t mind feeling needed and being of use… at all. And I don’t in any way feel this is being too indulgent. We aren’t talking about slacker offspring here LOL</p>
<p>edit: OP I just read your last post and agree with your approach except I wouldn’t go to any events but just have her report back to me. But that is just one opinion. Do what is right for you and your daughter. Have fun!</p>
<p>momoftwins - My younger D is an undergrad at WUStl so yell if you have any questions or problems! Wanted to mention when we visit we stay at a great hotel right on campus - The Knight Center. [url=<a href=“http://www.olin.wustl.edu/knightcenter/Pages/default.aspx]Home[/url”>http://www.olin.wustl.edu/knightcenter/Pages/default.aspx]Home[/url</a>]
Reasonable rates ($109 a night), parking is free, breakfast is free and you would be able to tour around campus very easily. </p>
<p>We have a young man from our town who got his undergrad architecture degree at WashU, then did a Fulbright in Europe, then worked NYC, started on his MA at Princeton, took a leave of absence from Princeton to be involved in some international architecture projects, has won award after award, etc. - he has really excelled considering we are from a small Midwestern town of 25,000 with a very mediocre public high school. I hear great things about the WUStl architecture program!</p>
<p>I recognize that most here are recommeding parents NOT accompany the student.</p>
<p>It’s just so weird because when D got her information re the Admitted Student weekend, there was a form to indicate how many “guests” she would be bringing! Her school was not paying for her flight, hotel, or meals.</p>
<p>I think the variety of responses you are receiving is a reflection of the type of programs and grad schools posters are familiar with. For graduate PhD programs – fully funded, with visits often paid for by the school – it would be very unusual to have a parent along. These funded program visits are analogous to job interviews.</p>
<p>But for an unfunded Masters or professional degree such as MBA, MD, or Law, there are plenty of parents involved in paying for those and I assume that these programs are more accustomed to seeing parents.</p>
<p>I do think in your case it makes sense to join your daughter but don’t attend student receptions, etc.</p>
<p>After reading through all the responses, I was just going to say the same thing as Anneroku - when big parental support is needed as far as financing the graduate school, then it is very likely there will be a lot more parents present. I am sure it will be very apparent which functions you should attend and those you should not.</p>
<p>I just got back to an admitted student day for a grad school program last week. This was for admitted Masters/PhD students in a humanities/social science discipline. I’m a graduating senior, as were a few other prospectives, though most were older. I did fly out with my mom and share a hotel room with her. We spent a bit of time getting to know the area together. But I went to all graduate student events on my own. At the beginning of the day one girl was sitting with her mother when waiting for the official presentations to begin. When the Director of Graduate Studies for the department saw, he said that this event was for students and that it was a small room. The prospective student asked if her mother could stay for the presentations anyway, and he said something to the effect of, “Actually, this is for students, and we’d prefer that she not be here.” So the mom left then. But I definitely was glad that I had the sense not to bring my mom to the actual admitted students day! Even though we were already admitted, that is not the kind of impression you want to make on a future faculty member/DGS at your department.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the great feedback - including several pm’s! It really does seem like this decision depends so much on the program and the school.</p>
<p>So, it looks like we’ll continue with our original plan - as long as the school said guests were welcome. I won’t participate in any social activities, and as I mentioned earlier, I won’t even be staying at the hotel. I’ll be as invisible as possible during the day and visiting with my own friends in the evening. The intent is for her to meet other admitted students and learn as much about the program as possible. </p>
<p>In the meantime, she’s checking with the other schools to see what their practice might be. If it’s normal to include guests and I can make it, I’ll go along if she still wants me to. If it’s not expected, then I’ll stay home.</p>
<p>I’ll report back next week to let you know how comfortable or foolish I felt. :)</p>