<p>I've been a little amazed at the parent orientation thread regarding how welcomed or not welcomed the different parent orientations make different parents feel. </p>
<p>I'm feeling a bit strange here because I wasn't particularly planning to go to a parent orientation program. Is my kid likely to be the only one who gets a fairly prompt (under a couple of hours) dorm dropoff / Target run, and then it is wave goodbye time?</p>
<p>I thought that Parents Weekend would be a nice visit, a bit down the line, but some of the orientations that are described sound more like ways to keep parents penned up and out of the way than anything that's really needed. I generally could find more interesting things to do with my time, but maybe things have changed even more than I thought since I went off to college......</p>
<p>We never went to parent orientation (I know how to pay the bill and I'm not the one going to college). We also never went to Parents' Weekend (I'm not all that interested in crowd scenes). But D had a good experience and learned a lot and graduated. We visited at other times. She didn't feel unloved.</p>
<p>My S's Orientation was a month before move-in day, it was a spend one night in the dorm, tour the campus and meet your advisor to make the schedule thing. There were some parent activites too but they weren't a big deal (I got the scoop from someone else who had gone to an earlier Orientation) We did not go. The school is less than 3 hours from home. S caught a ride with a girl from his high sch. He made it clear he didn't need us. We are familiar with the sch. so didn't feel it was necessary to go. He got along just fine.</p>
<p>I think it depends. Carnegie Mellon basically had move-in Sunday morning and you were expected to have dinner with your kid and then say good bye Sunday evening. There were various events, but the only one we went to was the presentation by the School of Computer Science. They gave the helicoptering speech too, but in a friendly humorous way and also made it clear what worried parents could do, while making it clear that ultimately it's the kids who are in college. In fact the talk was so good, my husband was quite jealous! I gave my husband the tour of the parts of campus I thought he'd be interested in with some input from Mathson. We went to the bookstore - husband hadn't seen the campus so he was interested.</p>
<p>We went because we really wanted to. We had also driven half way across the country, so we were in no hurry to turn around and leave. I enjoyed each of the speakers and it was GREAT to meet my son's roommate and family and also his advisor. We also met other parents and students. The whole experience was very reassuring to me. Because my son will be far away, the more I feel familiar with his surrounding, the more comfortable I am.</p>
<p>We went to, I think, one or two activities at first son's orientation, which was the week we dropped him off. Second son has orientation on a weekend during the summer, and we did not go. There were also some activities, I think, the first week of school, but we didn't go to those either. (In fact, he didn't go to most of the Welcome Week activities, which were mainly optional.)</p>
<p>We never made it to Parents' Weekends either, as it just cost too much to get there and back. Both sons survived just fine, and we don't feel we missed anything vital.</p>
<p>It depends on the school and of course the student. With our first we did not go to any of the parents activities but with our son last weekend, we went to all of the events and were very glad we did.</p>
<p>Our S's orientation as a first year was also some time in the middle of summer. Since he is going to the local State U about an hour from home, we did not spend the night. We hung out with the parents of several of his friends from high school who were also attending and it was an OK day, but not a big deal to have missed. The kids were kept at separate activities with the main point being signing up for classes. </p>
<p>Drop-off was a whole separate activity and pretty hectic. I was traveling on business this year, so H got to do it alone and I was happy to miss it (third floor walk-up).</p>
<p>We did enjoy some of the parents' week-end activities last year, such as a 5-k parent-child race that H and S won, but S wouldn't have cared if we didn't come. We make it up to tail-gate for every home football game in the fall anyway, so it is a little different situation than not seeing him until Thanksgiving. S just called with his list of stuff that he forgot (such as potholders) for us to bring to next week-end's game.</p>
<p>When my son started college at a school that had a summer orientation, I dutifully attended the separate parent sessions, most of which consisted of "Your kid is going to fool around for the first month and flunk the first round of tests but will then shape up" and "Stay out of it; it's your kid's life." Like I didn't already know this stuff? There were no parent activities at drop-off time, which was fine since the time was taken up by moving in and last-minute shopping.</p>
<p>When my daughter started college a couple of weeks ago at a school where orientation takes place just before classes, there were extensive parent events, but I only got to attend one of them because it was more efficient for me to help her with moveing in and last-minute shopping. No great loss.</p>
<p>I don't think your kid will stand out if the parents are not seen to be hanging around. Even at the one move-in where we did take part, we skipped the "social mixer" events and just went to the Convocation. He did, too, but not with us ;). So who'd notice the difference between one like him and one like yours whose parents might not even be around?</p>
<p>At the two schools where I've shown up for move-in, I've liked the convocation type events. I attended one Parent Event that focused on all the things a parent might worry about (what if they get sick? how safe is it? ...) Since I'm not a worrier, I found it boring and tiresome and would have skipped it had I understood the focus of the content in advance. But, believe me, there were plenty there who wanted chapter and verse on all of these possible worrisome issues, so it's a matter of style and taste.</p>
<p>We missed Parent Weekend at one school, fairly nearby us. DS didn't care if we came; we wanted to take him out for dinner but, since we hadn't planned years in advance, reservations were not to be had. We went the next weekend - worked great. Parent Weekends at the other schools interested neither him nor us. Prefer to visit around some mutually interesting sporting event or whatever.</p>
<p>My kid's school had a parent orientation on movein day. We moved her in and set up the room, then we had a nice lunch (on the college) with some other parents and then a small service, consisting of some spectacular music and a nice speech by the president and off we went. All in all, including making the bed, putting shelves together, eating and listening, we were on campus for about 3 1/2 hours. Not bad.</p>
<p>My D's school held orientation (1.5 days) in June prior to a mid-August move in date. It was optional and at first my D did not want me to go. A friend whose sons graduated from this school told me to absolutely go, so I registered. Once the date approached and arrived, my D was very relieved that I was there. She did quite a bit on her own as per the U's planning. Parents had their own forums to attend which were informative and helpful.</p>
<p>For us, it was worth it--I appreciated the information. It helped me to decide about some optional programs. I heard several messages about letting your S or D make their own choices, staying in the background etc. The U also validated our concern for our student's well being, success, etc. I thought they handled in a well-balanced manner.</p>
<p>We had the same experience as Bethievt. It was the first time my youngest son and husband had seen the campus and we all enjoyed it. I agree that some of the parents events could be missed but none were painful or long and the celebratory convocation was great.</p>
<p>My son is very independent and I'm no helicopter parent, but we stayed for all of the activities for parents, or parents and students together, on Saturday (ending by 7), then had breakfast with son in the morning before leaving.</p>
<p>He didn't seem to mind and we enjoyed ourselves. I plan to do the same with my daughter in a couple of years.</p>
<p>Son's school strongly encouraged parents to stay over and breakfast with students in the morning before leaving. What amazes me is why anyone thinks that is strange. There were a lot of other things I COULD have done with my time, but nothing I would RATHER have been doing.</p>
<p>I think there a lot of variables that you probably can't predict and must vary widely depending on the school. Like Mathmom, I was at Carnegie Mellon two weekends ago with a brand new computer science major. After move-in, we went to the grocery store (I had a Yahoo map with me with the closest one indicated on it---my best move-in idea ;) ) to get some food basics for his apartment, then we went to a lunch held on the lawn under a big tent. Everyone from staff to volunteering students was very welcoming. </p>
<p>The only scheduled thing we went to besides lunch was that School of Computer Science welcome. That was the highlight of the day for me. I came out of that meeting feeling that I was leaving my kid in a situation that I think will be a real "fit" for him, and that was very reassuring. </p>
<p>So my only advice, based on my limited experience, would be to suggest that if you do go and if your son/daughter's program has a specific orientation meeting, to make that a priority. The rest of the day (shopping trip, lunch and then dinner on our own with him) gave me time to "get ready" to say goodbye that evening.</p>
<p>I really wanted to go to the parent orientation but my husband is a university professor who had to teach his first class the day after we dropped our son off at college. We arrived home at 3am; he taught at noon. In addition, our son said he didn't understand why there even was a parent orientation, as HE was the student, not us. He intimated that had we been able to attend, he wouldn't have spent much time with us.</p>
<p>He has been gone since August 19 and we've only heard from him once. It's driving me crazy but I'm trying to resist pestering him. As my husband just said at dinner, it's probably a good sign that he hasn't called; hopefully he's too busy having fun to think about us!</p>
<p>I drove 730 miles each way take my S to school for freshman move-in last Saturday. There were orientation activities, some for the families, and some just for the students.</p>
<p>LOTS of freshmen flew to school sans parents. I attended the first night welcome by the dean (way too long!) and the family picnic (OK, but not great). After that, it became clear to me that I had done my "duty" and that both my S and I were ready to get the goodbye's over. </p>
<p>I met him the next morning to ask how it went the first night in the dorm and to deliver the bicycle since he had now bought a lock (he lost the one he bought at home).</p>
<p>We both felt that it was time to go. As martharap mentioned, my S thought parent orientation was just a placebo for the helicopter pilots. Personally, I did too. I noted that my S's roomie's parents also did not stick around.</p>
<p>I suggest that staying "too long" makes it anti-climatic. Maybe not "dump and run," but close. I guess it depends on the student. We both mentioned the number of student/parents that were having a tought time and "acting badly."</p>
<p>Like any other event, you'll know when it is time to leave. Don't worry about what others are doing. I think that is what I've been trying to teach my S.</p>
<p>H and I went to D's orientation a few weeks ago. It was his first time, as work duties kept him from the other kid's orientations. He enjoyed it. (Had not been to the campus before). I felt like I had heard and done it all before. It was fun to meet some of the parents and students, and the convocation was moving.... but D wouldn't have minded if we weren't there, she was already off with dorm friends. Now that they all Facebook each other beforehand, she hit campus "knowing" lots of her dorm-mates and eager to actually set eyes on them.
Don't feel guilty if you don't go. Far worse to be too involved: I saw one mom charging around the bookstore actually picking through to find the "best" used texts while son just stood in the middle of the store, held the selected volumes and looked lost.</p>