<p>I don't think there is a "strange" or "not strange". It's all about how you relate to your kid/s, what the needs are at the time (runs to Kmart, breakfasting, drop off with a quick kiss and let's go, 24 hours of orientation...) And it's going to depend on the traditions of the school itself- what they have to offer, how they "do it", whether or not it's move-em-in-get-out or stick-around-for-all-the-going-away-stuff.
There's no right and wrong. Just do what is right for you.</p>
<p>Student and parent orientation at D's school was during the summer. The student orientation lasted 3 days. The parent orientation lasted 1 day. You didn't have to sign up for orientations that were the same week. It was also made obvious in the literature that parents in the parent orientation WOULD NOT SEE THEIR STUDENTS OR HAVE CONTACT WITH THEM while the students were in orientation. We didn't go, as I can not have contact with her here at home, I don't have to travel to do that.:-) And it sounded like a campus tour, and a talk on financial aid, and other talks that I believe we already got that were meant to keep the parents busy and out of the way.</p>
<p>For drop off she was assigned a two hour window. Six to 8pm on a Friday night. After she's moved in we are free to go, as others will be moving in during their assigned two hour windows all weekend. We, on the otherhand, will be celebrating our anniversary at a nearby luxury hotel. :-)</p>
<p>UCDAlum,
That was similar to how our sons' college does it- during the summer, kids separated from parents, pick up after two days...
My sons are only a year apart, so I did the whole two day stint with older son by myself (H was working), and it was grueling. This past summer, I dropped younger off and picked him up when it was done. I know, I know...I'm a bad parent (hope no one from his U is reading this...although you all really do have a great program- just been there done that!).</p>
<p>During move in, it was drop off, get the hell out. Too many people, too hot, too stressful, too too too...</p>
<p>We didn't go to D's at Barnard; no one did -- NY is too cool. Just as well. Barnard's prez, Judith Shapiro, coined the term "helicopter parents." Since I regretted not meeting her, I resolved to go to S's, but he wanted me to help hang posters. H is the saint who went alone, but he enjoyed it. S's prez., Morty Shapiro (coincidence) quoted Judy! Two birds with one stone. S's school had no refreshments for parents so I concluded that they really didn't want us, and they were just doing their duty. I try to avoid these things because I am usually bad -- snickering, eye rolling, I can't stand the pomposity. Working in higher ed. I get plenty of it as my daily fare.</p>
<p>Mommy didn't plan attending CMU's orientation for DS in 2002. We lost considerable $$ in the Market, CMU's tuition increase was greater than we anticipated, and it was a westcoast-PIT trip at peak fares. A fare sale ($200RT including taxes) let mommy visit him in Oct after family weekend, and she was able to spend 3 exclusive days with him. He was squared away by then and able to get lost on campus and in the city. By the time Mommy visited, he knew what he needed that he couldn't take on his outbound trip, what he needed Mommy to purchase in Pitt, and what he wanted Mommy to take home. Son was even 2 days late in arriving for Orientation Week because of airfare pricing and availability. </p>
<p>I went to his graduation and was proud to bring home the pots and pans. I fortunately got to get myself lost without his help, because he was 3+ days partying. I did get to meet many of his classmates and their proud parents-which was my highlight of 4 years. I didn't get to bring home the diplomas because they weren't finalized. They were mailed. </p>
<p>Skip the orientation and if you want a visit, make it in October.</p>
<p>Anyone reading my posts knows that I and my wife are anit-helicopter parents. BUT, yes we did attend the FYI parent sessions which were totally independent of our son's FYI activities. We had a blast interacting with other frosh parents and giving them insights of the college from which my wife graduated.</p>
<p>We also attended Parents Weekend that first year and attended some of the activities planned. That was okay but far less important to our son. The following years we went up on a weekend to coincide with a campus event which was of interest.</p>
<p>Another Barnard parent here; after reading Mythmom's post, I found this quote from Judith Shapiro:
[quote]
. Five years ago, Barnard College president Judith Shapiro attracted nationwide attention when she wrote that parents should drop their children at the gates of college and let them stumble and mature on their own.
<p>Given that viewpoint, I'm glad that I followed the dump-and-run at the airport baggage check-in gate approach. My d. now confesses that handling all those suitcases by herself at the airport was a big hassle - but hey, she survived! And given her college prez's sentiments, I'm now wondering whether the my conspicuous absence at the college visit/interview phase was a factor that aided her admission in the first place: no helicopter mommy in sight. </p>
<p>I did visit my d. at college later on -- but I chose a quiet weekend well into 2nd semester, when not much else was scheduled and my d. was well-settled into her college life & routine. At that point it was clear that I was a guest and not a meddler. I think that everything I could possibly have wanted to know earlier about my d's college and college life was readily available via the college web site.</p>
<p>Should you go? Depends on the student, depends on the school. I enjoyed orientation at S's school, and learned a ton of valuable information. I really enjoyed visiting with other parents, and a few of the staff members. The best part, was meeting back up with my son on day 2, and pointing out a couple of orientation leaders that are in his major. He said 'I know, I know, I met them at the bonfire last night.' It was nice to know he was starting his new life already knowing some faces in the crowd. I guess the bonus was, at the beginning of summer, I wasn't sure if he was going to the right school, but after orientation, I was sure it is a good place for him.</p>
<p>We attended a couple of things at both S and D's move in weekend that were for parents. </p>
<p>In both cases, the best event was the convocation ceremony that officially welcomed the newest class to the school and their parents. In S's case, it was a special and emotional event (post Katrina) and one of the highlights for me of the weekend. </p>
<p>We have attended ONE Parent Weekend (Freshman year) for each of our kids. Haven't gone back since for any official visits, but have instead made our own personal ones. </p>
<p>I will agree with those posters who found attending a couple of events informative and fun. But I can't imagine going to EVERYTHING that's planned. Seems like complete overload to me. We also enjoyed having the opportunity to meet roommates and their parents as well as other parents who were around. We were glad we did it but it wouldn't have been a huge loss if we hadn't.</p>
<p>We went mostly because we had flown so far to help move in and were there anyhow. DH had never seen the school and the meeting with the department was very informative. The other meetings with masters, dean, and president were fillers but good to see a name with face for the folks who are responsible for the place. :) After we went out to a nice dinner. </p>
<p>The other S's went much closer to home so DH and I had a deal. I drove them to orientation and DH moved them in. I ended up at parents sessions because I had to wait for them. DH never went to anything. They were generally not worth it since you did not meet the department or the president. .</p>
<p>My parents came with me to a mid-summer orientation. Then I got off a wiatlist of another university and went to that orientation on my own. I have zero memories of the first orientation--only meeting the Dean. I have heaps of memories of attending the second orientation on my own--even down to what I wore.</p>
<p>We don't attend orientations. That's their time to meet as many kids as possible, to lay the foundations for who they want to become at their university. We've had enough influence. That's their life.</p>
<p>just dropped off D yesterday, there were two "orientations" for parents- a talk by the President, and a Farewell to Families at 6</p>
<p>well after helping D move in (took a couple of hours, mostly due to shipping stuff around) and then we walked around the canpus, both D and H had seen it, so she was showing good ole Mom around- the library, the gym, etc., then it was 330, we had done what we needed to do, that was our transition time as it were, D showing me her new home and she was so sweet and gracious</p>
<p>D was then ready to hang out with roommate, and H and I looked at each other- what to do, we didn't want to sit in the sun to hear a speech, nor wait that long for a "time to go folks" talk</p>
<p>so we gave her hugs, took the obligatory pictures and left with giant empty suitcases</p>
<p>she was chomping at the bit to start her knew life, and there was little for us to do</p>
<p>she was like, oh no, gee, you want to leave, don't let the door....she knows my H can't stand sitting through speeches...</p>
<p>Ds stuff started about 6ish, so she had some down time to catch her breath and not worry about us</p>
<p>H had been to an admitted studenets weekend in March, so we figure we weren't missing much</p>
<p>BTW- to those kids that help move new students in- THANK YOU !!!!!</p>
<p>My kid had seven days of orientation, I don't think being there for the first day which is aimed at families took away from his experience. We spent enough time with roommate and his family (maybe an hour) to feel comfortable. We fetched a bunch of things we'd forgotten and bought a bookcase which would have been much too heavy for a bus ride.</p>
<p>Back when S was a freshman at a big school several states away, I took him, went to events for parents, stayed for 2 days, helping shop, set up, go to events, learn the town. He's quiet, and was precious time together in a very new environment for both of us. Didn't see his room again till move out day. </p>
<p>Set up D with the ex in a few hours at her LAC an hour away. Went to a speech, met the advisor at a planned session, which was very informative, as I now know to refer her to him with any dilemmas. Had dinner and left. The roomies were bonding, having met on facebook previously, though I was very happy to meet them and their parents. She was home for 24 hours recently, and I took her back to school. Was enlightening to see her there on a typical Sunday night, lots of activity in the dorm, decorations up. Heartwarming to see such a happy place. So...if only one opportunity, going after settled in might have a slight edge.</p>
<p>We went to all 3 orientations, and got a nice feeling about the college each time. I think it's very helpful to attend orientations, on an emotional level for parents and practically for the kids, but if you can't, you can't. It's also expensive for motels and meals. This newest college in our lives charged a hefty fee for parents, but I minded less when I saw how much care they put into serving nicely prepared outdoor barbeques, seated around tables under tents. I know that stuff costs money, and it let us meet many other students and families, so we appreciated it. Because of distances across the country and finances to visit, neither my H, S, nor I had ever set foot on the campus prior to Orientation, so the time was important to us and overdue in a way. </p>
<p>There are other ways to develop the same feelings and information base about your kid's life, especially a fall visit for Family Weekend when they're all set up, if Orientation isn't possible. For one of my kids, we were able to do both and there's a huge difference between September and mid-October in what you'll see. The kid can show you around his new home, instead of you trying to de-bug the move-in experience, so the balance of hospitality is all different. </p>
<p>One warning: be aware of what you say in front of your kid's new roommates! They are watching and listening all the time, even when they just seem to be unloading socks into drawers. We suffered through a situation where parents and older sibs were overbearing in the dorm room, playing out old anxieties, perhaps...but it made their kid look bad to the other two. Once all the parents went home, the 3 boys worked it out and decided he was a good enough kid after all, despite the negative vibes and comments from his family addressed his way. My H says, "sometimes families just replay old tapes, at transition times like these." For instance, the kid was plugging in his TV and asked a question about how to focus it on his own bed...the dad blurted angrily, "You're.Here.To.Work." What should the kid do at that point? </p>
<p>Another moment, just walking down the street, we saw a young man walking 6 paces behind his angry Dad, with the Dad saying, "That stuff just doesn't work on me!" and the son trying to come up with a counter-line. Who knows what's the story there...manipulative kid/accurate dad or kid-trying-hard/impossible dad..? But all I could think of is how traumatic a memory for the kid to have this as his orientation memory, and in public. Don't fight in public, was all I could think; nobody out here is on your side anyway.</p>
<p>D's school had no summer orientation; her 7 day orientation started the day after move-in. On move-in day, the floors ate together and then had a floor meeting; parents were on their own for dinner. Then there was a dessert reception for parents (which we didn't get to - "delofting" the beds and helping move furniture to where the girls wanted it while they were at dinner took too long). We got to know the roommate and her parents in a "working" and "shopping" session, and were glad to see that she's in a great situation.</p>
<p>Parents orientation was the next day, and d's orientation began. We attended several of the events, which we enjoyed, and met up with her for additional shopping & help unpacking. She went to her meetings, we went to some others of ours. We also talked to some deans and asked some FA questions we had. I got a lot of information that wasn't clear beforehand, which I then conveyed to d. We then took her and a friend to dinner (as scheduled), returned them to the dorm & left.</p>
<p>It was great. Maybe I'm a helicopter, but I think all of us enjoyed ourselves, and she's launched now.</p>
<p>There is no right or worng answer to this question, except that you do eventually have to let go!
I think that for most kids it is very, very helpful for a parent to physically touch base some time during that first semester - touch base on the kid's turf. When that visit should take place can vary tremendously, and sometimes it just can't happen.
I thought that the Family Orientation events were not particularly helpful, and the only one we attended was the tour of the Rare Book library (how nerdy are we???), but making last minute shopping trips was helpful.</p>
<p>This doesn't go away either, we couldn't make Soph Family Weekend, and D was entirely OK with that until we actually didn't show up, and all her friends had parents present. This came at the end of by far the longest period she had ever been away from home, 8 months, and watching everyone else going out to dinner with parents was just a little much.</p>