Do Parents Really Pay for College?

Parents Forum
121

<p>When I applied to colleges my parents were very forthright about their financial situation. I’d been saving for college since literally kindergarten but couldn’t afford the $50,000+ yearly price tag at Ivy League institutions.</p>

<p>I ended up getting a merit scholarship at the school I’ll be attending this fall. This has made things much less stressful on both my parents and I, especially after my dad lost his job unexpectedly, making it impossible to have even tried to pay for an Ivy League school.</p>

<p>My parents and I have listed every expense I will face in college and have divided up the costs based on percentages on what we think is fair. I’m lucky in that they are paying for enough that I won’t be paying student loans for years, but that I’m paying for enough to really have “skin in the game” and not event think of skipping classes I personally paid for.</p>

122

<p>"
I usually enjoy your posts, but your attitude here shocking, insulting, and really bizzare. Yes, some schools can be bad fits for certain kids, but blaming the school for your S’s choices about partying/not going to class (I’m assuming there’s plenty of kids who did go to class) is just… well, I have no words."</p>

<p>I’m not blaming the school. I know that my son made a choice to party and flunk out. The school didn’t force him to do such things. </p>

<p>I think, however, that if my son had been at a higher caliber school in which students valued their academics more and the quality of education were higher, there would have been better chances that S would have still passed his classes despite partying, and wouldn’t have left school never to return by age 25.</p>

<p>My viewpoint is based on the fact that until he went to college, S had always taken pride in meeting academic challenges such as getting the IB diploma and staying in the IB magnet program even though he didn’t like school.</p>

<p>I went to an Ivy. Students certainly partied there, including me. In fact, I was on academic probation during freshman year due to partying and skipping class.</p>

<p>However, students rarely flunked out or dropped out permanently because the high graduation rate and the high academic motivation of most of the students meant that there was pressure from peers to stay in college even if that meant doing a lot of cramming at the last minute. I never met any students at my Ivy who thought that flunking out was a joke or who thought would be fun to stretch out their experience as long as possible by changing majors and flunking classes just to avoid entering the real world.</p>

<p>I also didn’t know any students at my Ivy who chose it only because they were big sports fans of the school, yet S was in a school that students chose because of partying, and where many students did think it was fine to use any means to stretch out their college so they could avoid the real world. </p>

<p>Where S went, there was only a 60% graduation rate, so for a freshman to get bad grades and flunk out was considered typical behavior, not something deviant and embarrassing.</p>

<p>S-- who was a whiz at the school newspaper at his college – also entered as an academic star with scores far higher than the norm. Older students looked up to him due to his intelligence and journalism skills. All of this resulted in him thinking that basically he was too smart for college. I doubt that this would have happened at a top college. </p>

<p>He would have been surrounded by students who were doing extraordinarily well in their ECs as well as their classwork, and many of the students would have given him a run for the money in terms of their intelligence and skills and their ability to party while getting their academic work done. The classes also would have challenged him more than he experienced at the college that he chose.</p>

<p>I think that given his competitive nature, there’s a good chance that he would have risen to their level by making it a priority to at least pass his academics while doing well in his ECs.</p>

<p>Some students will challenge themselves and achieve no matter where they are planted. That, however, did not appear to be the case for my son, which, frankly, was a surprise to me.</p>

123

<p>re: OP’s original question - After a year now of carefully studying the US college market, in terms of price and quality, I have come to the conclusion that even though college is incredibly pricey, it is completely worth the price IF D finds a good college match where she will thrive and be happy academically and socially. Since our family value is that education is of top importance, we have no problem with choosing to pay for D’s education, where ever she ends up going. I wish that it were not so expensive, and rue the reasons why it is, but D still needs and wants a good college education. After carefully going over our household budget and living lean, we have actually revised our estimate upwards re: what we will be able to afford. We are currently still fortunate enough to be in a middle income bracket with only one child. So unless we have a financial setback we will be able to afford our EFC, and if finaid is not generous enough, we will hopefully be able to stretch and pay any gaps up to perhaps even full COA. We are grateful for our good fortune in still being among the middle class (with a doting grandmother who is also able to help some with college finances), and we don’t have any problem with the reality that our tuition payments may subsidize less fortunate students. Didn’t think I would be able to say that a year ago - our income hasn’t increased, but our appreciation of the reality of college costs has helped us to better prioritize our budget. Fingers crossed that we can actually pull it off without having to take out loans, and that D can go to her “dream” school of her choice. We intend to do everything possible to make it happen. And no, I don’t believe that our paying for her education will affect her maturation. We have open and honest conversations with her about our family values and how they impact our financial decisions, and we put our principles in practice in our spending habits. She has grown up with two hard working parents who demonstrate strong work ethics and other positive moral values. She is by nature frugal personally and generous to others. She is willing to work (summers and work-study) as much as is necessary to contribute her share, and she is willing to do the work of applying for outside scholarships.</p>

124

<p>This thread just proves that the system stinks.
It seems like everyone I meet at school has:

  1. a high EFC, and is paying most or all of their tuition out of pocket, because their parents can afford that.
  2. a medium EFC that seems high, and is struggling to find scholarships, sorting through loan terms, burning through their savings, etc.
  3. a medium EFC that they expected, though it leaves them in the same scenario as with 2.
  4. a pretty low EFC because their families have no assets and limited income</p>

<p>It varies from school to school, but this is generally the case. I know no one who was pleasantly surprised by how little they had to pay. </p>

<p>I fall into the last category (6 sibs, (2 already in college) one income, in an expensive part of the country) and my parents made it clear that the school that offered me the best aid is where I would be going. They wanted to avoid more loans and they can’t afford to pay out of pocket. I pay for tuition, books, travel, fees, everything myself. It’s stressful and sometimes frightening, but planning ahead makes it manageable.
OP, make sure you have explored work study/ part-time jobs, subsidized loans, and scholarships. Just consider all your options and find the best fit for you. Good luck.</p>

125

<p>My parents broke up and are very clear that they are not paying anything for me… it is harsh and many people don’t understand your situation so sometimes, it is very lonely to fight for yourself. But I learned a lot from it. Try to manage my life in a way I like. I had to give up a lot ( like the road trip or even graduation trip ) but it is this “lonely feeling” makes me seeking my own chances and to grow stronger. </p>

<p>There are many private scholarships that we can look up and apply to it. That will allow you to study aboard, do summer internship or even work part time as researchist in science institution. =)</p>

126

<p>Our D1 is the oldest kid among my friends’ and family’s kids, so she is a bit of trailblazer. We need to pay full, and we have an agreement with D1 she is responsible for 20% of her college costs. She could work for it or borrow it from us. For two summers now she has given us 5000 after each summer. We have decided if she is able to graduate with good GPA we would forgive the loans. It is our way of making sure she has skin in the game. Our friends are now making all of their kids do the same.</p>

127

<p>My parents contributed a small amount to my college education, and it was lower than the EFC amount by quite a bit. In those days no one that I knew or heard of mortgaged their home so that they could pay for a child’s college. I had to make up the shortfall by work study, summer work and larger loans. In grad school, I got even less from the folks. </p>

<p>It is alot more expensive to go to a private college now that it was way back then. Way back then you could conceivable earn 1500 in a summer if you were lucky, and this amount was enough for room and board for the year! Now it must cost 15000 for room and board, and I doubt many could earn this in a summer. It is not so bad to go to a cc or local state u and try to transfer to a better state U. It is important to get good grades if you want to transfer. Most CC’s have transfer agreements with some good schools and you can find out about these. The school I went to took quite a few transfers from other state schools and community colleges, and it was a trade “up” for those students.</p>

128

<p>Not one dime.</p>

<p>Thank you, US military.</p>

<p>(My dad wasn’t being thoughtless… he’s just irresponsible with money to the point of ridiculousness. I’m a junior in college and I have a larger net worth than my dad already. He owes the IRS thousands.)</p>

129

<p>My parents are paying for me. I’m actually worried because we’re not exactly rich and I’m going to attend one of the most expensive schools in the country. They told me not to worry about it and they’ll find a way. So come college, I’ll try to find a job and save money to lessen the burden on them.</p>

130

<p>I am fortunate in that my parents are financially secure, and are paying for my entire education despite the fact that I got zero financial aid - due to visa status. </p>

<p>I suppose I’ll have to return the favor years down the road.</p>

131

<p>My parents are paying for 1/4th of my total costs (20,000 a year). My family EFC is 21,000. I have to magically come up with 15K a year on my own, through savings, work and fed. loans. Oh and my parents refuse to cosign for any loans. Ehhh that’s life. I’m the one who chose to go out-of-state instead of staying at my crap in-state college living at home/commuting. Although I’m about a zillion dollars poorer, I’m also a zillion percent happier so hopefully it will be worth it in the end.</p>

132

<p>My parents strongly encouraged me to take a military scholarship in '77 andl I did. About 4 years later I was like OMG! when I realized what I had done. Even now, I wonder if they understood what that meant. Fortunately, it worked out okay, and while I always usually had one or two jobs, including during medical school, it didn’t seem like anything unusual or unfortunate. H had BIG loans, no money from parents for Ivy undergrad or med school. He is still paying, after 20 years. </p>

<p>We are paying full freight for D’s “dream school”, but don’t think I would do that for S. Just doesn’t have the track record to secure the investment. IDK.</p>

133

<p>Good luck to you, Falala.</p>

<p>Due to exceedingly dysfunctional family situations before it became trendy, I had to put myself through college. Work, scholarships, grants, and loans. A change of majors made it very dicey and I graduated in five years, just as the financial aid was running out.
Some say that it builds character. Having lived it, I say there are better ways to build character.</p>

<p>D worked 8-10 hours a week through college. Was strongly supported in taking non-paying internships instead of working through the summers. Took loans of about 10 percent of the total cost…and already has made good progress paying them back. I think it’s good for students to participate in funding their own education. I don’t think they should be under a heavy burden in so doing. And I really don’t think they should make horrible compromises…which is why I respect what Falala is doing for herself.</p>

<p>Shrink, you raise a valid point: some students are worth more of an investment than others.</p>

134

<p>Thanks. What’s unsettling about it is, S has ADHD, and has worked every bit as hard on soccer, as D has on academics. And he’s stepped up his academic game some, but only this year. He actually ended up with a higher GPA than sis this year! Still, with the markets impact on the “pooled” college fund, it will be a bigger strain, and from what we’ve learned, can’t wrap my head around it, at least not yet,. I can’t say I’m great at picking investments.</p>

135

<p>I’m getting paid $1500 a semester to go to my college, lol. Better than the $8000 a year my parents were paying for my private high school. And a hell of a lot better than the $18,000 that students at our school’s rival academy pay. Then that’s even better than some high schools I’ve seen that charge $25,000 a year!</p>

<p>Crud, didn’t see that this was a Parent’s Cafe, I just saw it in the Featured Discussions and clicked and posted, my bad.</p>

136

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<p>No problem with me. You post added a nice perspective to this thread.</p>

137

<p>We are all paying. daughter taking her share of Stafford loans and we are paying the rest.</p>

138

<p>We parents are full pay (spaced the kids over five years apart, which was poor planning for FA purposes :frowning: ). But the kids take out the max Stafford loans, which they are responsible for paying. That way they have some skin in the game and, we hope, some extra incentive to make the most of it. Kids pay for all their personal expenses through summer job earnings.</p>

<p>I do wish to give a big shout out to Northstarmom, who has so generously and wisely shared the stories of her sons here. (See post #122 as just one example.) I do agree that for some kids, being in the right place for them can make a critical difference. Those posters who have lived, learned and shared give such value to the forum.</p>

139

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<p>Agreed…for some kids, the milieu they are in can make all the difference. Kids are like plants–some kids will bloom, wherever it is they are planted. Others need to be planted in the shade in order to flourish.</p>

140

<p>For my elder daughter, off to college this fall, the “Who pays?” breakdown is roughly this:</p>

<p>14% from Mom
14% from Dad (we are divorced)
10% from her student loans
6% from her student job earnings
56% from financial aid</p>