Do these sentences make sense grammaticaly and punctualy?

College Essays
1

<p>Do you mind editing these sentences for me...</p>

<p>Wake’s high academic prestige goes without saying, but it also provides a bevy of opportunities to help the less fortunate in the community like with the VSC. </p>

<p>I take out my binoculars, and it appears to be some type of coat with wording on the front pocket. </p>

<p>I almost feel as if this cloth is beckoning me to put it on; yet, it is so far away. </p>

<p>Nevertheless, I still feel that desire to do whatever I can to wear the white coat, even if the path is harsh. </p>

<p>It is finally time to take my first steps from my door in pursuit of the simple yet powerful cloth</p>

<p>Because the BCS favors the older brethren rather than mid-major conferences, some teams know before the first whistle is ever blown that they simply do not have any chance at winning the national championship, even if they win every single one of their games. </p>

<p>America prides itself on the right of due process, the writ of Habeas Corpus, and other trial rights. </p>

<p>Despite this fact, the US government denies many of these rights to many of the prisoners held at Guantanamo, especially with the use of military commissions rather than jury trials</p>

<p>As a result of this blatant hypocrisy between American idealism and the detaining of POWs, Guantanamo harms America’s credibility abroad; therefore, it should be closed. (For the record, I don't believe this. The question was make an argument for a side you don't support on an issue.)</p>

<p>George Orwell's literary masterpiece 1984 completely revolutionized my views on a subject that I had previously viewed with a sense of careless naiveté.</p>

<p>In 1984, because the government controls the facts of the past and thus the factual basis behind a person's opinions, most people fail to recognize the government is even subjugating them.</p>

<p>Nevertheless, something cool for one person may be the complete opposite for another; it’s all relative to the specific individual and their personal opinions and beliefs. </p>

<p>For one, I learned that Chinese teens are much like American teens in that they listen to American rock music and wear similar clothes, which surprised me due to how much I have heard about the occasionally oppressive nature of Chinese government and its tendency to censor.</p>

<p>Thanks for the help.</p>

2

<p>BTW, if you only want to check a couple of these, that would be absolutely fine with me.</p>

3

<p>“Because the BCS favors the older brethren rather than mid-major conferences, some teams know before the first whistle is ever blown that they simply do not have any chance at winning the national championship, even if they win every single one of their games.”</p>

<p>This sentence is a run on. In my opinion, 20 words is the higher end for a sentence, that one is 44.</p>

<p>“Nevertheless, something cool for one person may be the complete opposite for another; it’s all relative to the specific individual and their personal opinions and beliefs.”</p>

<p>Unless the prompt deals directly with defining “cool” I wouldn’t suggest using it. Too ambiguous. </p>

<p>“For one, I learned that Chinese teens are much like American teens in that they listen to American rock music and wear similar clothes, which surprised me due to how much I have heard about the occasionally oppressive nature of Chinese government and its tendency to censor.”</p>

<p>Another fairly long sentence. 47 words. and make sure it doesn’t seem like you are trying to generalize an entire large group of teenagers.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

4

<p>Thanks alot. Were all the other sentences right grammatically, in particular this one…Wake’s high academic prestige goes without saying, but it also provides a bevy of opportunities to help the less fortunate in the community like with the VSC?</p>

<p>And yes, the topic was define ‘cool.’</p>

5

<p>I dunno. Something about “bevy” is just jumping out at me. It seems like a $10 word where a $1 word would suffice.</p>

<p>I skimmed the others and nothing jumps out as glaringly bad.</p>