I watched this interesting video and thought this could be an interesting discussion. I think women can relate to this in other cultures as well.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/kirstenking/this-video-about-the-pressure-chinese-woman-face-to-get-marr?bffbvid&utm_term=.srq70KO7V#.ofqMN1dMV
It is not just China. My kid turned 25 last year. After graduating from college, with the exception of her master’s studies, she spent most of her time working abroad. Her foreign coworkers bombarded her with questions about her plans to start a family. In their eyes, she was already past the prime dating age. She also found that “hanging out” with a bunch of friends was impossible, because women of her age rushed home after work to tend to their families, and men viewed her as “dating material,” not simply a friend to hang out with.
I think the next question everyone asks once you’ve finished college is are you dating or statements will be made like “Your next to get married.” I didn’t think that this still happens since women are more focused on further education and building their careers.
My wife and I dated for 8 years before getting married. I definitely felt the pressure around the 3 year mark. My response was always “What does it matter? Is a piece of paper going to magically change our relationship?”
Most people usually responded with (paraphrasing a bit): “No, but at least you committed”, to which my response was “So let me get this straight, you think it is healthier for a relationship to get the other person ‘tied down’ in legal commitment as quickly as possible, in order to ensure they can’t leave that relationship easily?” They usually had nothing to say after that. 
I like the idea of getting married. I encourage it. I just don’t see the point in pressuring people to do it in a certain amount time.
My D just broke up after 5 years. One of the big reasons was his inability to commit to giving her a ring. Or even move in together.
She’s 26 and thought that if this relationship wasn’t going anywhere, why was she wasting her time with him.
My 24 y.o. S1 has lived with his GF for a year now. I’m not sure they’re ready to marry, but I don’t want them to be That Couple that drifts along ad infinitum without any kind of resolution. If I was her, I wouldn’t have moved in. My attitude was always “Either you’re in this or you aren’t, and while you’re making up your mind I’ll keep my own place and my freedom.” Also, my late father would have had s stroke, but that’s another thread …,
I think my D and her BF both get asked pretty often. They are 26, have been dating since freshman year of college, live together, and are very well suited for each other. I don’t think they see the point right now, but think they will marry when they are ready for kids. I think my D is just used to the questions now…
I dated H and others until he and I were engaged. All the guys knew I was dating more than one person but was surprised when I told them I was going to be busy planning my wedding and wouldn’t be dating any longer. I lived in my own place alone until we married and H moved in with me.
My kids aren’t dating, to our knowledge, so I don’t think they are asked this question too much. Most of their friends are still single. When one of D’s friends was in Pharmacy school at Creighton, many of her classmates were married and some were starting families. They didn’t understand her when she suggested they wait until done with school. In HI, people tend to marry at older ages–maybe higher COL?
My D’s experience in a 3rd world country mirrored BB’s a bit. She was off in a remote area. Everyone was stunned she was single, even the educated folks, and wanted to matchmake. Her students often dropped out of hs before senior year, to marry.
My girls are now out of college a couple of years. Of all their hs/college friends, only one is engaged and one a few years older is married. (Very small hs.) Otoh, they do know 3 with kids.
Not much pressure here. Mr R and I were together for 4 years before getting married (including living together for pretty much that entire time) and there was no pressure from my liberal family and very little from his very conservative family.
I got married last summer and I’m the first of our college friends to get married (I’m 25). We would not have gotten married if we lived in a country that gave legal protections to cohabitating partners.
My sister is about to turn 30 and she’s not even in a long-term relationship. She feels very little pressure to get married.
Maybe I’m bias because I had kids so young. But I think 25 is pretty young for marriage. I had my 1st child when I was 19. By 25, I was married with 2 kids. By 26, I was a widow with 2 kids. I think things just look different from the other side. To me, it seems like none of my friends was married at 25. Most of my friends got married in their 30.
We were together seven years before we got married, so I’m not going to pressure my kids. One is not going to get married anytime soon. Too shy to even have dates. Younger son has been with the same young woman for three years. He’s planning on being a Naval officer she’s just started a PhD program. I don’t think they’ll get married soon, though I’d be happy if they did, we really like her!
H was in his 40s and I was in when we married, so I can’t see him pressuring anyone to get married. My sister’s 2 D’s are married–her youngest D was just engaged and will be married next year at 29. My kids are next oldest of the extended family and not even seriously dating. Only two of my sibs’ kids are in serious relationships, one in college and one age 24. Niece on H’s side has been in a serious relationship for many years but not announced any engagement and seems in no hurry.
Our D wan’t be getting any pressure from us, anyway. I was 35 and H was 45 when we met, and we married a year later.
One of D1’s HS friends put pressure on herself. She married a “meh” (in the opinion of her friends, but they were respectful of it being her decision) boyfriend at age 22 (right after getting out of college), and now has a baby. She is living in an outer ring suburb, commuting into the city to an okay but not great job to support her family (BF doesn’t have a great job, nor does he want to be a stay at home dad). She is, honestly, shell shocked and miserable. Somehow she thought it would all work out. But house, husband, and baby are not meeting the rosy picture she had in her mind. I think my D1 and her other friends are watching carefully, and feeling more reluctant to commit.
I don’t think my 24 year old D (out of college 3 years) feels any pressure. She has been living with her bf for 6 months and they are a good match. Maybe since we live in Southern California there is not so much of an expectation as other places around the country that you will be married right out of college or within a couple of years of graduating. D only has 2 friends from high school that are married and one of them is Mormon so it was not surprising that she got married in college.
I married very young (still in college) and divorced a year later. My H and I have been together for 32 years and married 26 years. The second time around I didn’t want to rush into anything so we lived together and worked and traveled all over. I was 29 when we got engaged, 30 when we married and D1 was born 14 months later. This has worked well for us.
@intparent I would be very disappointed in my S1 and his GF if they had children before they were married. I truly believe parents should be married unless there’s a really good reason for them not to be; I’m just that old-school.
This is another area where there’s a big regional difference. It seems like marrying young is still normal in the South, maybe some other parts of the country. Here in NYC I see people marrying at 30 or 35 if they get married at all.
@Bestfriendsgirl, did I say anything indicating that I thought anyone should have kids before they are married? I don’t generally… although had a conversation last night with a friend at swim class about her D, who is 36 and divorced, and would like kids. That is a different story, and I would not be dismayed if one of my kids chose to have a kid in that situation if they were financially stable and had a good support system (that means move near to Grandma Intparent, of course :D).
This. My D has been with her BF for 4 years, living together for 2+ years. One of my concerns is that if she needs medical decisions made, DH and I would be doing it from 800 miles away. Her BF might as well be a stranger off the street in that situation. We need to have the conversation with her about setting up legal arrangements between the two of them, which she’ll probably interpret as pressure to get married.