<p>But Bay initially said he would never be a hypocrite and put money IN the church's plate but would have no problem in the church taking money OUT of the plate and giving it to his family(or, technically, his CHILD, which to him made a huge difference) to pay for his child's education. He certainly has a right to his opinions and those he forces his children to follow. But let the school give the money to someone who is not repulsed by the school's core values.</p>
<p>I am not attempting to "beat up" on any parent here, just curious as to the thought process and trying to gain understanding.</p>
<p>Again, I see my contribution toward my child college education as a "gift". I value higher education and make my financial sacrifice a priority. I have know a lot of parents who had all sorts of rules. My daughter's bf must live at home and attend a local college. His parents won't pay for anything else. Some parents won't contribute if their child picks a certain major. Others disagree with the mission of a certain school.</p>
<p>My gift goes to my children with no strings attached. It was tested when one of mine picked a very liberal, hippie type school. I cringe every year when I see this school make the top 5 for pot-smoking, birken-stock wearing etc....... I sighed one Easter when I asked her if she attended any services (the school has a Presbyterian chapel) or went to Mass. She explained she went to an "Equinox" celebration. The coed bathrooms made me uncomfortable, but not her. She is a senior there and thriving and still my loving daughter.</p>
<p>I think when parents to force our own values on to our individual children it can come back to haunt them. I honestly hate it when that happens and hopefully it never happens to any of you. I certainly respect every family to make the best decisions for them.</p>
<p>InOhio, sometimes it really is where the money goes that matters. It may not matter to you, but that does not mean it does not matter to others. Go ahead and buy your kid a fur coat, but kindly don't insist that I do the same for mine when doing so is against my values.</p>
<p>mizzou-mom, if my kid wanted to go to Liberty U, I wouldn't fund it, but if he won a full-ride there, well, he put the work into getting it, so off he goes. It's his money, after all, and how he spends it is up to him. </p>
<p>I'm astonished at some of the posts here. I find it unbelievable that some of you are insisting that a parent should abandon his or her values simply because their kid wants something! A parent should pony up to support something that runs contrary to the parent's beliefs and values, just because the kid says so!</p>
<p>That's astonishing!</p>
<p>JustAMom, your daughter wants you to make a contribution to the Taliban as a birthday present to her. You're going to spend the money anyway, right? Give her a gift? So would you donate to the Taliban if that's what your daughter wants for her birthday? It's the only thing she wants for her birthday, for you to contribute to the Taliban. Get out your checkbook!</p>
<p>I would like to add - there does seem to be some mis-understanding that some folks have about Catholic colleges. There appear to have been some assumptions made that are not in line with reality.</p>
<p>Owlice - hypothetically here - what if your daughter was "born-again" and put herself through Liberty Univeristy. Let's pretend she is the youngest of 3 girls and you paid for your older two daughter's wedding's in your home church, or justice of the peace or whereever it was acceptable to YOU.
The youngest then falls in love and announces she and her intended will be getting married at Liberty in the chapel. Do you refuse to help pay for the wedding? Do you refuse to attend the wedding?</p>
<p>When we as parents begin to come between what values our grown children adopt and what we find "acceptable" then we risk losing them. The slope can get slippery.</p>
<p>Owlice, if the money is supplanting money you would spend, it is semantics as to whose money it really is. If your child is paying no matter where he goes, it IS his money. If he "earns" a scholarship to a place you would never in a million years give money to, YOU are benefitting by a couple hundred thousand dollars in your pocket from an institution you don't believe in. Unless, of course, you donate all that saved money to a cause you do believe in. Then everyone wins, not just you.</p>
<p>Owlice, your use of something as repugnant as the Taliban to prove your point actually takes away from your argument. You are going to the absurd extreme. Come back to reality and prove your point rationally....I really doubt you would fail to attend a daughter's wedding because it is in a religious house different from yours.</p>
<p>I see you didn't answer my question.</p>
<p>I don't give monetary gifts to organizations in honor of someone - unless they are dead.</p>
<p>I might give my daughter $100 for her birthday - I would not tell her how to spend it. If she gave it to the Taliban or Scientology or the Dali Lama I would never know unless she told me.
My parents give me monetary gifts for my birthday and never tell me how to spend it.</p>
<p>mizzou-mom - probably he would put the money in a special account and give it to his child to buy a house. one that he picks out.</p>
<p>Hmmm...I liked the Nazi and devil-worshipping analogies better.</p>
<p>mizzou-mom, it's not an absurd extreme. You don't seem to grasp the fact that some people don't want to support religions and their institutions with their money, so I gave you an example that I thought would make you "get" it. If you wouldn't be willing to whip out your checkbook to give your daughter the birthday present she most wants, then don't insist that other parents pay to support institutions whose values they can't support.</p>
<p>I wouldn't pay for Liberty U. It has nothing to do with how I feel about my son. I wouldn't try to stop my son from getting a scholarship to Liberty U if he really wanted to go there. (How could I, after all?) If HE wants to go there badly enough to spend HIS money on it, more power to him! But I would not spend my money on it, and I can't help it if he would rather go to Liberty U with his money than somewhere else and get a parental contribution.</p>
<p>As has been pointed out several times on this thread, the issue is NOT how good Catholic colleges are, so kindly stop walking down that path. There are many excellent religious high schools in my area; are you willing to pay for whichever one your daughter wants, regardless of the teachings of the religion?</p>
<p>JustAMom, I don't have daughters. I doubt I'd be paying for weddings if I did, however.</p>
<p>Owlice, but what would you do with all that money that Liberty U has just put in your pocket? If you would keep it, then Liberty U just "gave" you a lot of money....it is all semantics...yes, the check would come in your child's name, but the money it replaces is ultimately YOURS that would be spent on another institution. I assume your child is intelligent. Any intelligent child would not spend hundreds of thousands of their own money to go to one place when the 'rents would spend their own for hundreds of other institutions. And I agree, it is unfortunate that this turned into a Catholic discussion. I believe to each their own religion/beliefs. But hypocrisy gets to me.</p>
<p>PS. Yes, it is extreme. Giving money to Protestants is much different than the Taliban....</p>
<p>This is getting a bit absurd here. Yes, there are parents who refuse to pay for colleges such as Liberty University or schools that have dubious accreditations. There are parents who refuse to pay for schools more than 4 hours from home. There are parents who don't pay for colleges that are too liberal in reputation. There are parents who won't pay for college unless it is has a strong religious affilation. I know parents who won't pay for college unless the student has a "useful" major. Many are now only paying over the state/commuting costs for schools that they feel have "value". People draw their lines in many places. </p>
<p>Personally, I let my kids pick their colleges as long as they are accredited. If a pick is not, I would have to check to see that it is not a scam. But if they want to go to a vocational school, or study some odd field or other, if they want to go to Patrick Henry U or Sarah Lawrence U, that is their choice as long as the financial parameters work out. After 4 years, whatever they want to study will be on their tabs, not mine, but I want to give them this boost and will give wide leeway for what they want. However, I do not expect other parents to feel this way. I would be very happy and grateful if they graduate in 4 years and are healthy, good citizens, reasonably happy, and on the road to being self sufficient. If a fundamentalist school is what does the job, if converting to the muslim religion is a path any of them take, so be it. Supporting a group that is clearly destructive is a whole different story, and anyone with common sense can see the difference.</p>
<p>mizzou-mom, I'm sorry, but I think you have some hypocrisy to claim for yourself, unless you're willing to whip out that checkbook and send that check off for your daughter's birthday.</p>
<p>Liberty U didn't give me the money - it gave my son the money. </p>
<p>There are lots of things I don't buy for my son; if he wants them, he buys them himself. When the Wii came out, he wanted one for Christmas. I wouldn't buy it for him, as we have a perfectly good GameCube, and I think it foolish to spend my money on another gaming system. So he saved his money and paid for the Wii himself. He still got Christmas presents from me, but a Wii was not among them.</p>
<p>cptofthehouse, there are many who think the teachings of x religion are destructive. I'm not terribly enthusiastic about religions that teach against the use of condoms, especially in areas where the rates of HIV are high. I find that destructive.</p>
<p>OK, I am a student and here is my perspective on this whole "whose money is it". I accepted a full ride+ scholarship to my local state U. Although the check is made out to ME, it is really family money as far as I am concerned. The excess scholarship money goes into my bank account, not to be spent unless I am so unfortunate as to have my GPA drop below the minimum and I have to pony up some funds. It IS family money because my parents can breathe easier financially and save money for my siblings' education rather than pay for mine. Since my parents would have paid for my education, I am saving them money, this is not really benefitting me at all. I would still have paid a minimal amount whether that money came from them or State U. At the end of four years, any money left in the account will go to grad school, again saving my folks money. I don't fool myself that I am making out here, this really is not my money, but substitutes for my parents funds.</p>
<p>Ah, sorry -- it's JustAMom who needs to whip out her checkbook and send off that check, not mizzou-mom.</p>
<p>I am not terribly enthusiastic about any extremes and schools that demonstrate any of them. However, if that is what my kids want to do with the 4 years of tuition that I am willing to pay, that is up to them. I doubt you are going to hear much about teachings against the use of condoms and other such things despite them being part of church teaching in the mainstream Catholic universities. </p>
<p>However, as said before, each family, each parent has his own ways, and that is just fine with me. I don't think there is a true right/wrong on this issue. It does sound a bit extreme to me, however, if I should hear about a parent who refuses to let a student go to one of the local Catholic universities that offers a half cost scholarship but would be willing to pay double the amount to a school without near the academic reputation but has no religious affiliation. It would raise at least an eyebrow here.</p>
<p>So, Owlice. Do you check out your kids' schools to make sure they have not contributed to any candidate that supports pro-life or abstinence? Do your universities not invest in companies that do business with China? Do your schools not invest in ANY company that supports a cause you don't? Religion is not the only vehicle here. If you are going to judge where your money goes, make sure that none of your schools are supporting Republican candidates, companies with Chinese ties, etc., etc.</p>
<p>ctpofthehouse, why? If I need something and find two of what I need, one made in the US and the other in China, I'll buy the one made in the US, even if it costs more.</p>
<p>I need a new good winter coat. My mother has offered me her mink coat, for free. You think I'm going to take it? No. I would rather buy a coat that is not fur than take the free fur coat.</p>
<p>I was offered a splendid opportunity to sing at an inauguration; I turned it down because I just couldn't stomach who had won the election. I did not fault others who, offered the same opportunity, took it -- it was a great opportunity, and I don't blame them for taking it! But I just couldn't. </p>
<p>A friend of mine was offered a college scholarship by an organization which was, in his opinion, trying to destroy his country. He turned it down; he just couldn't accept it... because he disagreed with the behavior of the organization.</p>
<p>These might "raise at least an eyebrow" for you, but they are values put into action. Some people live their principles even when doing so is inconvenient or expensive.</p>
<p>Were my son offered a full-ride at Liberty U, I suspect he wouldn't take it. Even if that were the cheapest option available to him for college, that would be okay with me, even though the alternatives cost me money. I suspect he would rather have some loans and go elsewhere than go to Liberty U.</p>