Bunsen, every great dinner party I have attended offers more than one main entree choice. I have never been a dinner guest where the host just said tough toenails if you don’t care for MY choice for you. And, if you bend over backwards for health and religous reasons then why stop there? I can’t reconcile your logic on that one. So if your guest said, I’m allergic to lamb what then??
We had vegetarians, lactose intolerant people, shellfish allergies, and peanut, tree nut, and soy allergies for Christmas dinner. Of the ten people, only two of us could eat everything. Even though I was one of those two, I wouldn’t eat lamb. I would be happy with side dishes though and would dearly hope that the hostess wasn’t upset or offended by my choice. I would hope that she wouldn’t even notice.
In my case, people had travelled far to be here so they couldn’t just bring a dish of their own. It worked out well to be accommodating.
My main courses are way more elaborate than just throwing a ham in the oven. 
If I am cooking an ethnic dish, I am not making 2 or 3 versions of it (unless it is something like khinkali - easy to make both lamb and turkey, although the turkey will taste gross to people who like the real thing). There are elaborate side dishes to pick from that are just as filling for people who have issues with “dead birds.” Allergy to lamb? Let’s not stretch things out. This is not the case with the OP - it is the power struggle about the guest having her way or highway.
@1214mom and @thumper1 - I’m also allergic to scallops and no other shellfish or seafood. Violently allergic. I never knew anyone else who is too. Nice to know there are others in the club!
Yes, I agree boorish ppl should just stay home. But conversely, if I can’t be bothered to accomodate all of my guests-that have let me know ahead of time their preference, then I wouldn’t bother hosting because it gets much worse when dinner is over! This thread reminds me of the time about 15 yrs ago when we had a friend’s kid over for the summer. Now this kid insisted at every meal that he had every “ism” under the sun. Me, thinking the kid doth protest too much finally got sick of it and served him something he had told me he couldn’t
tolerate. All i can say without being indelicate is I had to replace even the shower curtain in the kids’ bathroom!
Thanksgiving is the only meal I don’t consider guests. Every other I do consider preferences for the main dish. However, your SIL was extremely rude to mention it.
I think it’s a bit rude to tell someone what they should not serve when you are invited to dinner.
If I planned to make lamb, I would make lamb. I would be sure there were side dishes a plenty to accommodate those who might not like lamb…but I probably would not change my menu because one guest doesn’t like it.
I mean picture it. Guest one doesn’t want lamb…so I switch to turkey. Guest two refuses to eat any birds, so I switch to roast beef. Guest three won’t eat red meat so I switch to salmon. Guest four is a vegan and won’t eat salmon. So, I switch to quiche, guest five is lactose intolerant so then what?
I just make sure there are lots of choices for sides.
Now…allergies…that is a totally different thing than picky.
When I am entertaining, I aim to please my guests. I always offer a 2nd option.
“Yes, I agree boorish ppl should just stay home.”
Agreed. Somehow, with the exception of the dead bird lady and a couple of other cases, no one has had an issue eating at my house.
As a side note, I have been to a few homes where the hosts insisted that everyone had to try every single thing that was on the table… to the point of shoving it down the guests’ throats.
Bunsen, your dinnerparties sound extravagant and wonderful. You should share my shower curtain story with your pushy hostess lol
Preference and medical / religious necessity are two different things. “I don’t like lamb” is a preference.
“I don’t like lamb” is a preference. However, I vehemently find lamb so disagreeable that it makes me ill and I refuse to eat it, doesn’t make me a picky eater. And, why, if someone let you know ahead of time, would you not therefore, offer a second choice?
Well, sure it does. Keyword - refuse - which is different from - can’t.
Just don’t eat it. That’s pretty much how my husband feels about lamb - ew, gross, blah blah blah. So he wouldn’t eat it. Extra salad, veggies, rolls, problem solved. It’s not a medical issue (a la my D with celiac).
Why? Because there’s a difference to me in calling, say, my sister who had us over for Xmas dinner - and saying - “can you please make sure there is something for D to eat” and “my H doesn’t like lamb, so please don’t serve it.”
I hate lasagna. Don’t know why. I just do! Yuck! I don’t expect people not to serve it, and I will hardly waste away to nothing if I fill up on sides. I CAN eat it - I choose not to. That is so different from having an allergy or similar situation.
Are we talking about relatives? Or just social friends?
If a food I find disagreeable causes me to have a visceral reaction while, it may not put me in the hospital, it’s still not a comfortable feeling. I, like you am not so boorish as to insist that it be eliminated. However, if I am to treat others as I would be treated, were I the host, I would offer up an alternative main dish, no biggie.
We did a lot of entertaining over the last 6 weeks for fairly large groups-Thanksgiving, a baby shower, an early Christmas, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. When I look back, I always had a second choice, except for on Christmas Eve when I knew the small group well and served the tri-tip roast they had requested with several sides. I rarely would serve a turkey or roast as the main course. We did have a small turkey for TG but we always have plenty of sides some of which could act as main courses if needed, including enchiladas (a family tradition). I don’t think I would ever serve lamb as the only main course as many I know don’t like it ( including me - I’m not very picky but really dislike the flavor of lamb). That being said, I would never expect the host to cater to my tastes- I would at least try whatever was served and fill up on sides. I would consider it rude not to do do unless there were health related or religious based restrictions - or a vegetarian.
For Christmas we did a taco/tamal bar which included plenty of options.
To those allergic to shellfish - there are two sub-classes, crustaceans and mollusks - and you can be allergic to one class but not the other. Scallops fall into the latter class. I know this since I’m allergic to both classes, though not highly so - I can eat a bite or two of some shellfish and be ok, but I try not to risk it.
Lol this is bringing back bad memories of me as a kid sitting alone in the kitchen, in the dark with a plate in front of me on weiner and sauerkraut night. I refused to eat it so they sat me there until I did. haha yucko! I never ever want to be forced again to eat anything I dislike, nor I would ask my guests to. For that matter, I never ever again want to eat: lamb, liver, kidney, cow tongue, cow brains, tripe, any kind of game, duck (grams kept ducks and chickens and she served up my favorite pet duck once), catfish, alligator, or pigs feet. There. Color me picky!
Interestingly, the dinner went ok, until: After I spent ALL of yesterday scrubbing and planning and all of today cooking H marches up to me (after he worked all day yesterday elsewhere and going to a football game today) and states that I am not a good hostess because I am not organized because there were no serving spoons out and we had to find them (I had them out but people were setting plates and glasses and I don’t know where they got misplaced to). Honestly, the next time he casually announces that he has invited Kansas to dinner I will counter with “I’m on my way to Kansas, good luck with cleaning the house, buying food, cooking, and cleaning up afterwards.”
Sylvan face down…
I’m sorry, but you spent 2 days getting an extended family dinner together and your SIL complains and your H complains too? I would be invoking a piece of my mind or two. Why should they be the ones who decide the menu, or the evening menu, or the breakfast menu or any other menu of my day.