Do you guys fight (( argue )) alot with your parents ??

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>I'm really arguing alot with my parents , it's just like i always feel upset of things they do . It's just that I have too much stress on my back and i'm always nervous and stressed out and that is being reflected on my personal life .</p>

<p>Also i'm abroad now ( summer vacation with parents ) in a country that I really hate and I always tell them i wanna go back home and they refuse , which makes things worse . </p>

<p>Latelly I reached a level where i don't even seem to say hi when i see them (( even though we were really really close a few months ago ))</p>

<p>what shall i do ??? is it just me or is it something all teenagers go through at some point ??</p>

2

<p>It’s a “rebellious” or “grown up” feeling that every teen goes through. Largely due to parents thinking you are still a child, and they want control over you, while you are growing independent.</p>

<p>Sometimes (most of the times) I just want to be alone, yet they always find a way to bother me (un-intentionally). I argue/resist slightly (I don’t go insane). But at the end, for what it’s worth, they are still my parents, and I love them. I know that they care for me, so I don’t take it with too much weight. Plus, I feel guilty when i argue (after I argue).</p>

<p>But fortunately I will go Out-of-State for college, so i will have a 4 year break from my parents :)</p>

3

<p>my parents dislike the idea of going out of state, or any private school.</p>

<p>So yes, we argue a lot about my future school(s)</p>

4

<p>^^ @nothingto thnx . Lucky you I really need such kind of a break . I Only have to finish my HS senior year and then i’m off to an out-of-country college , not just out of state :p</p>

5

<p>When I was in 7th grade I was the biggest brat. I would scream at my mom in the car over nothing. I guess I was stressed or whatever. It’s too embarrassing for me to think about it right now. </p>

<p>Since 8th grade to now, my parents and I have a great relationship. I don’t act like a brat, and in return, my parents treat me with respect.</p>

6

<p>Nope. I guess partially because I go to boarding school so it’s not like we bicker about little daily things, but they do treat me like a semi-adult, in general. They’re really reasonable and relatable. guess i got lucky</p>

7

<p>Yes, it is important that you treat your parents with generosity. I know I still lightly argue with my parents, but your mom will be the only one who will love you un-conditionally. Treat your mother (and dad) with respect. She worked hard to raise you.</p>

<p>I acknowledge that fact, and my parents know that when i argue with them, it’s not that serious.</p>

8

<p>My dad and I don’t talk enough to get into arguments. My mom and I are really close, so we have stupid, half-serious/half-silly arguments on a daily basis that end in laughter more often than not. :P</p>

9

<p>Here i come from another argument and right now iam EXTREMELLY ANGRY AND JUST WANT TO LEAVE HOME :(</p>

10

<p>Freedom, I would like to give you a mothers perspective. I have an only son, who is also a senior this year. So maybe I can help a little. </p>

<p>First, what are the arguments about? </p>

<p>Do I have arguements with my son? Yes, absolutely. And they vary from cleaning his room (responsibility) to course work at school (responsibility and time management), to college aps (responsibilty and time management), staying out too late (responsibilty and consideration) and lots of other little things. The arguements we have vary in intensity. Some are two sentence “arguements” with a little huffing and puffing, and some can go on for a few days until we come to an understanding.
At your age (17ish), you are looking at being independent, on your own, no rules, and no real oversight. That is very exciting and enticing to you. As a parent, it is my job to prepare you for that part of your life. Your success as you go into the world reflects on how I did my job as your parent. A 17 year old is growing and changing intellectually and emotionally at a rate that is amazing. You don’t see it, but we do. And you are different from day to day. However, there is a lot of documented research that tells us that your brain is not done developing yet, and will not be done until your early to mid 20’s. Here is a brief piece of info: </p>

<p>"UCLA researchers compared MRI scans of young adults, 23-30, with those of teens, 12-16.4 They looked for signs of myelin, which would imply more mature, efficient connections, within gray matter. As expected, areas of the frontal lobe showed the largest differences between young adults and teens. This increased myelination in the adult frontal cortex likely relates to the maturation of cognitive processing and other “executive” functions. Parietal and temporal areas mediating spatial, sensory, auditory and language functions appeared largely mature in the teen brain. The observed late maturation of the frontal lobe conspicuously coincides with the typical age-of-onset of schizophrenia—late teens, early twenties—which, as noted earlier, is characterized by impaired “executive” functioning.</p>

<p>Another series of MRI studies is shedding light on how teens may process emotions differently than adults. Using functional MRI (fMRI), a team led by Dr. Deborah Yurgelun-Todd at Harvard’s McLean Hospital scanned subjects’ brain activity while they identified emotions on pictures of faces displayed on a computer screen.5 Young teens, who characteristically perform poorly on the task, activated the amygdala, a brain center that mediates fear and other “gut” reactions, more than the frontal lobe. As teens grow older, their brain activity during this task tends to shift to the frontal lobe, leading to more reasoned perceptions and improved performance. Similarly, the researchers saw a shift in activation from the temporal lobe to the frontal lobe during a language skills task, as teens got older. These functional changes paralleled structural changes in temporal lobe white matter.</p>

<p>While these studies have shown remarkable changes that occur in the brain during the teen years, they also demonstrate what every parent can confirm: the teenage brain is a very complicated and dynamic arena, one that is not easily understood."</p>

<p>[NIMH</a> · Teenage Brain: A work in progress (Fact Sheet)](<a href=“http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/teenage-brain-a-work-in-progress-fact-sheet/index.shtml]NIMH”>http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/teenage-brain-a-work-in-progress-fact-sheet/index.shtml)</p>

<p>So scientifically, we have reason to be concerned, and to try to help you through this time. The world (and to a certian extent you personally) is expecting you to be a type of adult that you are not physiologically capable of being. Not yet. But as parents, we are expected to send you out there to fend for yourself, and you are expected to continue to mature and grow on your own! I am always so sad to see a 17 year old legally charged as an adult for an impulsive behavior, because of these scientific findings. I wonder how much of the behavior is evilness in the kid, and how much is lack of brain development. </p>

<p>All of that aside, our main goal is for you to be safe and successful. We can’t be with you all of the time, even though we would like to be. We do argue with you to try to get points across when we do not feel like we are being heard, when we feel like we are being disrespected (ie:not helping around the house or ignoring curfew), or when we feel like you are endangering yourself or your future. The world is not very forgiving, and one bad decision can change your life forever. As your parents, we cannot always protect you from your decisions, or the bad people in the world, and that scares us to death. </p>

<p>Try being a partner with your parent, realize that ultimately, they want the best for you. We are not perfect, and do not always communicate that well ourselves. Realize that even though you do not see it now, you are changing daily, and they are tyring to keep up with those chages in you too. </p>

<p>Also, try to find time to have fun with your parents on a regular basis. Do stuff that you all enjoy. Dont hide in your bedroom all of the time. Be part of the family. Tell them about your life, your friends, and what is going on at school. No, you don’t have to tell them everything. But if your parents can spend time with you and have discussions with you, then they learn to trust you, learn that you make good decisions, and they lighten up. Trust me on this! </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

11

<p>I talk to my mom maybe 5 minutes a day. I see my dad one day a week. So no, I don’t argue with them. Happy days!</p>

12

<p>@vlines </p>

<p>Thnx for all your advice , read it 2 times so that I really get it.</p>

<p>Why are the the arguments about ?? Silly stuff . You’ll probablly laugh when you hear them . Things like " don’t stay up late " , " why are you wasting your time on … " " don’t be friends with that person " , " them : come to eat lunch , me : i don’t want to , not hungry , them : it’s not your call , lunch is where we all gather " </p>

<p>And in everytime i say allright i’m gonne stop all this silly arguments and i’ll just ignore them, something happens and takes me back to the moment when I can’t bare it anymore .</p>

<p>I don’t know about fun stuff , my dad lives in a different country and i get to see him in vacations only and I live with my mom . We go out once a week with my brother and sisters to have dinner somewhere and that’s it .</p>

<p>Anyway thnx again .</p>

13

<p>I argue with my mom a lot. Or, I used to until I got back from my study abroad (6 weeks). She’s very irrational, it’s kind of hard to explain, so we argued a lot. I’ve been back from my study abroad for 6 days and we haven’t argued yet… </p>

<p>as for my dad, meh. Not really.</p>

14

<p>my parents and I fight frequently but that could be due to the fact that both my dad and I have bad tempers. We usually fight about them thinking I should clean or do dishes or laundry or something and then I say I have two jobs and they’re to be a nationally ranked athlete and a straight A student and I do that so then they usually let up for a couple days or so</p>

15

<p>Not really. We definitely have differences in opinion. For the same or lesser cost, my parents would rather send me to a Catholic school than a secular, private school in our district that is MUCH better academically. </p>

<p>My parents are nothing like typical CC parents, they could care less about grades. They’d probably love it if I lived with them my entire life and I hate that. </p>

<p>Otherwise, they’re cool.</p>

16

<p>Freedom…nope, not silly stuff. Sounds exactly like what we argue about with our 17 year old son. And it is quite normal. Your mom is being a mom, and you, well, you are being a 17 year old!! Believe it or not, this is pretty normal. </p>

<p>Honestly, it is a tough place to be. I remember that age, and I remember butting heads with my mom and dad too (and that was 30 years ago! ). We argued over the same basic stuff. It is just what happens. I have a friend the theorizes that God made teens so difficult to deal with to make it easier on parents when it comes time to launch them into the world! I see the logic to that theory often. </p>

<p>You “can’t keep from arguing”…do you see that is part of the brain development that I quoted to you in the first post? Your feelings and emotions come from a more primal place until your brain finishes developing. It’s normal to feel that way. Some others might get weepy when they are yelled at. </p>

<p>When you argue with your mom, do you ever ask her why? Why does she not want you to stay up too late? Why does she not want you to waste your time on ____? (I bet that the blank here is video games!!LOL) If you all gather for lunch, and are not hungry, go anyway. Spend time with the family. Just don’t eat! It sounds like spending time with you is important to your family, possibly even a tradition or cultural priority. As annoying as it is, embrace it. You could live in a family that does not want to spend time with you.</p>

<p>Talk to your mom and include her in the thing that she feels you are wasting your time with if you can. If it IS video games, ask her to sit with you and explain them to her. I did that with my son and learned many things. Some I did not like, like the dogs attacking and the blood spraying in Call of Duty, but I did appreciate the community and the skill involved in those games. I continue to have issues with the amount of time spent on them though, and do have to “negotiate” that with my son often. </p>

<p>So, my other advice to you is to talk to your mom, try to understand her perspective, and work with her. Include her in your life. It will make your life easier! :slight_smile: And know that the feelings you have are normal, the arguments you have are normal, and the expectations your mom has of you are normal too. Try to smile, and realize that her expectations of you are another way to say I Love you!</p>

17

<p>The other thing to tell you I learned about video games…I get motion sick trying to watch them on a big screen TV. Yuck…</p>

18

<p>Thank you very much for that advice (: </p>

<p>Believe it or not it isn’t video games , in fact I never play video games , I don’t even like them. Iam the kind of a person who studies alot , top on my class , I always read and they seem to appreciate that , and I get to make them really really proud in school , anythime my mom goes to my school my teachers keep telling her : ( you really raised that boy in an excellent way ) . But then again , they forget all of these things and they don’t let me go out to somewhere i want or stay out late and the other things that i mentioned in my last post . That’s what makes it even worse , iam making you proud all the time ; aren’t i allowed to do things i really want in return !!</p>

<p>But i guess it’s normal as you said . I’ll try to have lunch with them tomorrow ( I’m starting to hate that in the few last days though ) , and i’ll try to talk with my mother and see how things go .</p>

<p>Anyway thnx again (;</p>

19

<p>Just so you know, my son is top in his class, makes me proud, works hard, has a 4.58 GPA…same as you. And we don’t let him do some things either. Nor do we let him stay out late, or watch TV late on school nights. </p>

<p>You will be fine, and I promise your mom is like that because she cares about you!</p>

20

<p>^^ kinda talked to my mother today , not really a real talk , but it was good for a start . </p>

<p>I told her : i applied to MIT yesterday .<br>
And she was like : YOU DID WHAT !! (( MIT wasn’t on my list , and not on hers too :stuck_out_tongue: ))
One thing ked to another and we were discussing my future , school and blah blah blah .
I thought that was a gd start .</p>