Do you have a "real friend" or are you completely alone in the world? I NEED ADVICE!

College Confidential Community
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<p>SHARE: How many REAL FRIENDS do you have in your life?
The ones who will stick up for you, truly care about your well-being, who you can share your dirtiest secret with? How long did it take for such friendship to be built? Does it take years to have someone like this or could it take a split-second instantly recognized connection?
DO WE EVEN NEED FRIENDS?</p>

<p>I belong to a tight clique of 4 girls, and I've never had friends before high school. We are a "clique," and while we are social outgoing girls and have many acquaintances all over school, we are very strict about anyone being "included" within our circle. It's like OFF-LIMIT.
It's not that we are mean, but we are paranoid. A long time ago, we built a truce that we will never lie, backstab, or betray each other. We are NOT even allowed to fight, and we are supposed to stick up for each other all the time, otherwise the other 3 will demolish who doesn't. I can't say something to only 1 girl, but I must tell it to everyone, so no one feels "left out." Apparently, I can't like girlA more than girlB, because that will like ruin the balance or whatever. This makes us seem like a creepy cult, but we just didn't want any gross high school drama, and we knew desperately that we needed a tight circle of friends to get through high school. Yeha, but we are all so competitive, and we still go through outrageous power trips and jealousies, etc. </p>

<p>I don't really know if these girls are my real friends, because I seriously think we secretly hate each other all the time. You know the term, "friends of convenience"? We do everything together, and I spend about 75% of my day with them. The reason I enjoy my time with them is because we are all pretty and cool, and they are sort of my shield that makes school life so much easier. </p>

<p>I'm a senior now, and I keep wondering, "do people EVER keep in touch with high school friends?" Seriously. Do people make their lifetime friends in childhood or college? Or does it not matter? </p>

<p>I feel like I am somewhat OBLIGATED to keep in touch with them, because my parents who are in business keep telling me that "life is all about connections." Like, anyone I know now can be useful in my future, you know?????? But I also feel like that's a futile attempt, bcs it takes mad effort....</p>

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<p>Some people can make their lifetime friends in childhood but not every one. Young people,especially teenagers often have the desires to get into a small clique, hang out with close friends. Otherwise,they may experience a sense of failure and loneliness.</p>

<p>After you grow up, become an old man like me, you'll realize that everyone is indeed lonely.Even the closest friend is not that close.</p>

<p>I guess what you are looking for is kind of ideal,even transcendental friendship. But that's not practical at all.</p>

<p>You are not obligated to contact them if you don't feel comfortable anymore.</p>

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<p>Read my nickname.</p>

<p>I don't like friendship and trusting people in general, there are people who trust me, but it's not vice-versa.
There are people who need friends, like some one you can talk to when you feel lonely, you want to cry, e.t.c. I mean, humans are social beings, you go nuts in 99% of the cases if you don't talk to others.</p>

<p>Leave them if it's such a big deal, don't stay in the circle because of peer pressure.</p>

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<p>No, i like being in my clique.... like I said, it protects me.
But I give them so much of me. Once high school is over, however, I'm afraid they will be no use to me anymore, after me investing so much in them. I'm also afraid that they will hold some grudge against me, and once this "truce" thing is over, they will come hunt me down sometime in my future to ruin my life. (I am not psychotic if I may sound like it)</p>

<p>Thanks for your answer, yucca. I needed advice from someone old. And Alone, I like your username.</p>

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<p>Most people will change over a long period of time but few won't. When nobody else enjoys clique that much, you will have to be alone. </p>

<p>By the way, what do you really expect for your "investment"?</p>

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<p>This is the most depressing thread I've read in a while, and not because I feel sorry for the OP. Frankly, I feel sorry for myself and for the state of America's youth. The fact that people can't just do whatever the heck they want (within the law, of course) without feeling ostracized is just ridiculous. </p>

<p>Sorry to be blunt, but get over yourself. You and your friends are not cool. You're not "special." What you really need is some major disillusionment. Step outside into the real world and watch how mature adults handle relationships. It's not rocket science.</p>

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<p>That's why you don't do things as such, that make you 'obliged' to be part of something.</p>

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<p>I have like a group of 4 other close friends (I am a guy) that I do nearly everything with (we share similar interests), but I can not really classify them as people I can share a deep secret with (we constantly berate each other in a friendly way about everything). I have no idea what's going to happen in college next year, because I am so used to their personalities and interests that I can't imagine meeting people like them. However, we are going to try our hardest to not end the friendship once we get to college, because of how much we know each other.</p>

<p>Also, I think friendship is different for everyone. While one person may not need friends to be happy, I find almost all the fun in my life involves my friends, and if I did not have any, I would likely be depressed because I often use them as an escape because my family is a disaster.</p>

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<p>

I guess I still mildly expect them to be there for me after High School. After all, college is a whole new world, and to have somebody who has known me somewhat longer than all these new strangers seems like a nice thing.
On a more practical term, I want them for connections. They all come from rich, well-known families who've got mad connections all over the place, and who knows when I may need them? They have already helped me find some internships and recs. </p>

<p>

I agree.</p>

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<p>Sounds like an awesome group of girls, Regina George.</p>

<p>I have a few main people that I can always rely on. The first would be my sister, who I've obviously been very close to through thick and thin. Our family's been through a lot and it's brought us all closer. The second would be the girl I've been best friends with since I was a baby, she moved in with my family so now we're even closer. The third is the boy I've been dating for 2 1/2 years and has always supported me in everything I do. </p>

<p>As for friends in school...well I moved before junior year, which was a real test of friendships. I keep in touch with my girls back home and we hang out all summer, but I would say they're more friends for the "fun factor." I can't see them going out of their way to do something for me.</p>

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<p>I have one real friend like that. She lives an hour away from me, and we only get to see each other once a month, but we're still the best of friends. We think alike, talk alike, even have the same quirky fashion sense (to a point), and we can share ANYTHING.
In terms of friends in school? None.</p>

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<p>If you secretly think you all hate each other, why don't you suggest not being so... emotionally restricting and moving beyond the boundaries you set? I mean, if they can't disagree, you'll all go back to being clones of each other anyway, right? But maybe you can break free from the limits while still keep their friendship.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
A long time ago, we built a truce that we will never lie, backstab, or betray each other.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Why would you need a truce not to betray each other? That's like needing to promise someone that you won't murder them.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Why would you need a truce not to betray each other? That's like needing to promise someone that you won't murder them.

[/quote]

Hahahaha. I agree.</p>

<p>IDK i just think friendship is one of those things that you really shouldn't put too much thought into. I'm the complete opposite. Most of my friends are at school, and I have like 2 really good friends at home. However, I only have a few friends that I tell everything to, as in the only people who I would say them to were them and maybe a psychiatrist...</p>

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<p>I have no real friends. I used to hang out with 2 other people and we would be like the 3 musketeers. Lately I started to distance myself from them because the two of them seem to have a preference over each other and tend to forget that I'm around. They share little secrets and all that and I guess I wasnt close enough for either of them to talk to me about anything. So instead of being ignored I prefer to just be by myself because it is pretty much the same thing, only one is less insulting than the other. And speaking of insulting, one seemed to always try and find a way to criticize or make fun of my situation. They seem to take notice that I'm not doing anything with them and dont seem to mind. I guess it was more like good riddance to them. At this point I'm pretty sure I can stick it out until the end of the school year because I have other friends, just none as close as these two used to be. I dont really mind because I found out earlier in the year so I didnt have to deal with this whole backstabbing crap for a whole year and I get a fresh start for college. I dont think I'm perfect but I dont think the "defect" lies in my personality either so I'm fine.</p>

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<p>I used to be all hardened and cynical and suspicious of mankind.</p>

<p>Then I found some real friends.</p>

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<p>This year I have finally found my best friend. Before high school, i though friends were overrated but now I know how important they are. My friends give me encouragement and perspective. They help me get through the hardest parts in my life and overcome my insecurities. I don't know what I would do without them. Especially with my best friend, we are totally honest--sometimes that leads to fights but when we make up, we're closer than ever. I have no idea how long we will remain friends, but I now know what kind of a person i want to be and what I should look for in new friends.
I'm not in your situation so I can't say for sure what is best, but I don't really think it's healthy. You could try being honest with them and telling them that it's time to make your group more flexible. If they reject you, there are always other people. If can imagine living your life without them, then they probably aren't true friends. Either open up your relationship with them or find new friends. Worst case scenario: they refuse to be friends w/ you and you find new friends in hs or college. good luck!</p>

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<p>If you are wondering all the time if you are true friends, aren't you kind of answering your own question?</p>

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<p>I used to be part of several cliques. Until I learned that having 1 or 2 real friends is better than having like 6 half friends. </p>

<p>From reading what you wrote, it seems to me that being part of a clique is your comfort zone. I believe that a person is missing out by not stepping outside that comfort zone to try new things.</p>

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<p>wth</p>

<p>Do we need real friends? That depends on how they are defined.</p>

<p>Now, do we need friends? Of course. There is nothing more depressing in the world than a person who has nobody to turn to.</p>

<p>Cliques aren't essential, but companions, most certainly.</p>