<p>Or do you think that they would've end up wanting to go there on their own?</p>
<p>I was wondering how your child ended up at an Ivy or at a prestigious school. Did they do it all on their own or did you make sure that they had the best possible resources and made sure that they got into one ? </p>
<p>Getting into a top college has never been the priority; getting a great education is, and there are many, many colleges that will provide that. Our son, with guidance from his school, is doing it all on his own. We are sure that wherever he lands, he will get a great education.</p>
<p>I made sure my S had great fit schools at all levels of selectivity. He never looked at the ratings and just picked the one he liked best.</p>
<p>@ChoatieMom That’s a great approach! @bethievt Very smart choice and excellent strategy. Some people just pick schools based on their ratings/ prestige, but not because they actually love the school.</p>
<p>I have done the search and the work myself; neither or my parents went to college. I always just wanted to get the best possible education with the best possible opportunities my own merit could afford me. If that means Ivy then great, but the only pressure I’m under is to do the best I can.</p>
<p>It worked out well for my kid, academically and socially. Any of the 10 on his final list would have been really good.</p>
<p>@ivyhopes12 Same here. Unfortunately, I started late (end of freshman year) so I had a rough start. Hope that you get into Princeton 
@bethievt Yeah, it seems like it should because there’s no pressure, you’re just guiding him towards the right direction towards what he wants. </p>
<p>My son started his college search based on some of his peers’ lists, and later his own research. He knew he’d need substantial financial aid, so that was also a major factor. He aimed for very generous schools or those with great merit. He worked hard to get the stats and was fortunate enough to have some great choices. Except for being clear about our finances, I did my best to make sure his choices were his own.</p>
<p>Kids model. Therefore, I think if such schools are part of one’s family history, then in such cases it is not necessarily about pressure, but more about the family environment and what kids get exposed to as normalcy. </p>
<p>Like other members here, my kids knew no other schools at the dinner table or family gatherings, as all immediate family members (parents, aunts, uncles) they have relationships with all went to such schools either as undergrads, grads or both. So my kids really heard not much of anything else discussed and basically modeled their family. Same as they are skiers like we are and like the type of neighborhood we choose to live etc.</p>
<p>Doing well in school was the expectation. Study hard, be involved in some outside activities. The college thing? I let them handle that, maybe too much. We are lucky in that the state flagship is very good, so that is always an option. </p>
<p>H is foreign born and does expect a name school. It is creating unnecessary pressure on S2 who may be better suited for a smaller, more regional school. </p>
<p>I am not sure I am clear on the OPs question.</p>
<p>Do you mean pressured her to apply? “To get in” is not within her control or mine. You don’t know who they will accept.</p>
<p>I believe they meant “applied and go to”. Based on both his parents going to Ivies, my son is looking at some Ivies but is borderline. I do think that since some of his friends will likely go to an Ivy (as likely as it can be with low acceptance rates, but some are Ivy legacies with great stats), he wants to see if he can get in.</p>
<p>I do think he feels some pressure, and we are giving some pressure to him, on getting into what we would call “an excellent school that will give you an advantage to get a job and a career”. It is possible that he may only get into his safety schools, and he seems to think as I do, he would do that for two years and if he can get close to straight As, he should transfer.</p>
<p>It’s obvious to him that there is an advantage to going to a top school. Even if it is not a guarantee, it’s an advantage. </p>
<p>My second will not get the same pressure, as his projected career path is different. My third will get more pressure, given straight As and much more of a work ethic (sorry about that!). </p>
<p>This is a bizarre question b/c the answer seems readily apparent to me: Some kids naturally pursue it, some parents lead their kids to it, other are a combination of both. Are there a fourth or fifth alternatives? </p>
<p>My D2 applied to a range, including some top schools. She was admitted to all. I personally thought the top couple of schools she got into weren’t the best fit for her. I felt like a small school with intense academics, but also a culture of cooperation and helping other students would be the best fit for her. But I didn’t tell her that or pressure her – I took her to accepted student days, and she figured out the same thing for herself. So she didn’t attend the highest ranked schools she was admitted to, but she attended the school that was the best fit for her.</p>
<p>You need to simmer down a little on your Stanford desire. You need to put prestige aside in your search and look for best fit, where you are most likely to be admitted and be able to afford, and where you can meet your academic and career goals. </p>
<p>My oldest didn’t have an Ivy in mind until we started searching (spring junior year) for schools based on her desired major, Astrophysics, combined with schools that meet need best. The results we kept getting were Ivies at the top of the list so we headed in that direction. She already was an A student in the IB program with a sport commitment so she was in good shape there. Lucky for us she was in the range to be admitted to our state flagship UVA (a fabulous school) so had nothing to lose by aiming high. She picked the school she like best, Princeton, applied SCEA and was admitted. </p>
<p>When D1 was younger I did pressure her to prepare for Ivy and top colleges. But as she approached her senior year, though she had competitive gpa and standardized scores, I pushed for the most balanced economic choices. For our situation, it would be crazy for me to want her in an Ivy League or expensive school.</p>
<p>I reminded my daughter quite frequently that if she wanted to attend a school we could afford, she would have to do exceptionally well in high school and on her standardized tests. It was always my hope, and then my expectation, that she would attend a school with a large National Merit award. Applying to Harvard (and Amherst, Williams, & UChicago) was her idea. </p>
<p>We didn’t even start discussing college stuff until the fall of sophomore year. I had avoided mentioning elite colleges for years because it is hard to get in to them even for top students, and I think it’s awful to raise a kid thinking for years that their parents expect that and all the stress that can cause, whether they are simply not up to academically or whether it’s not the kind of college experience they want to have. Kids in this distress are common on this site. However, quite a few kids at school took it upon themselves to tell my daughter of course she should go to elite college A, I think even in middle school. Fortunately she had her own mind and didn’t even apply to that school.</p>
<p>I wanted my children to get into the best colleges that fit their interests and abilities. We argued against going for prestige or reputation over quality (qualities) of the education they might get. They bought into this idea, and also had preferences for location, size, style of the college. I believed and told them as well that there were probably several dozen excellent colleges that were well suited to their interests. And so we looked broadly but ended up with relatively short lists of 6 or 7 schools. Since there was no obvious first choice on those lists, they did not apply for early admission. They both ended up at pretty darn good colleges (UChicago and RISD), well suited to their individual interests and talents and tastes (for location and learning style in particular). But they could have done well at almost any of the ones they applied to, and many more.</p>
<p>DD did the heavy lifting in her classes, sports, ECs, and testing. However, we made sure that she had good support resources in place, and expert guidance in understanding the pros and cons of her decisions along the way.</p>
<p>Which colleges she would visit was a long dialogue with her about which schools seem to be better potential fits for her. We visited a number of top colleges, but when she liked some and did not like others, I let her decide who to apply to, although I challenged her to be specific and articulate her reasons.</p>
<p>Once she had her acceptances, I expected her to visit the one top school she was accepted to that she had not really visited (Columbia), but the decision about whether she wanted to attend there was up to her. My influence in the final decision was to continue to challenge her to be specific, and to point out pros and cons that she may not have considered regarding each of the final group of schools that she may not have considered. I did not try to discourage her from any of the final group because at 18, it would probably have to opposite effect.</p>
<p>In the end, I felt like any one of the final group of schools would provide an excellent education, and that the most important thing was for her to have ownership of the decision. </p>
<p>Having said that, if she had made some strange decision, like going to a local college because of some boy she liked, then I probably would have challenged her decision a lot harder.</p>
<p>In the end she decided on Penn, and did a good job of explaining her assessment and reasoning. That made my job easy. She has been there a month now, and is very happy so far. She is making friends, and she likes her classes. </p>