No such thing as perfect, but lots of people are happy at their colleges, so I don’t think the ‘no one likes their college’ thing is at all accurate.
So much of college is figuring out who you are and what works (and doesn’t) for you, so I applaud you for your introspection. Fit is critical to happiness. Reading your list of criteria makes me wonder if you’ve looked at any of the CTCL (Colleges That Change Lives)? Many of them are smaller in size, but I think some may have that quality of dedication and openness that you are seeking.
Whatever you choose, I wish you a good fit and a happy college experience!