Does anyone else find it overwhelming to think of child competing in a crowded field?

I love College Confidential and having been following forums for several years. But now that we’re about to enter the countdown period - kids in their Junior year, I’m beginning to feel discouraged and wish we had come up with a better financial plan. I had just assumed our children, with their good grades, good character, and good work ethic (scores unknown, but probably in the 92-99 percentiles), would win a significant amount of scholarship aide, but after reading of so many students on CC who have fantastic grades, fantastic test scores, and quite-unreal extracurriculars, I’m beginning to think we should have put less stress on our kids and redirected resources (less to retirement savings and kids’ athletic pursuits, the latter of which has cost us more than our mortgage) and more in college savings accounts. It’s too late to make up the lost difference as my husband has retired and my work can only go so far.
Does anyone else have this kind of regret or advice for what to do at this stage in the game?

Figure out how much your family is willing and able to contribute. Run a couple of Net Price Calculators, using 2018 actual or 2019 estimated amounts. Are the results in line with #1, or higher than #1?

Less competitive merit is available, depending on the kind of budget you have.

I’m by no means an expert but we are putting twins through college now and here’s my two cents. There are scholarships and affordable options out there for many students. Where folks seem to get in trouble is that they assume that they can get these scholarships/aid at reach schools. It’s a shame to see students who do not consider good scholarships just because it comes from what they consider a “lesser” school. In the same breath, they complain that schools are too expensive. If I were in your situation, I would have this discussion with your kids asap and try to temper their expectations.

And try not to beat yourself up for something you cannot change. You are not the only parent to face the harsh realities of funding college. Good luck!

Not to late to lower the stress about which targets. Get a Fiske Guide to Colleges, if you haven’t already. Look for schools where they’ll match merit opps. Find safeties you can afford.

We all freak out about now. By Nov, I was “what will be, will be.” But I told D1, “The right school is one you like, that we can afford.”

Don’t fret so much. The vast majority of families have zero dollars in college savings for their kids. Your kids a HS juniors. They need to get the very best grades possible, and the very best ACT or Sat scores possible (when the time comes). These will open up more doors for merit aid and admissions.

There is a college for every student…and an affordable one in most cases.

The college application process is filled with opportunities to second-guess the decisions you’ve made for the last 15 years whether it’s saving, encouraging one EC over another, letting your kid make course decisions that in retrospect were risky, etc.

All you can do at this point is make the best of the situation you have. There are no assurances that had you done things differently, you wouldn’t have different regrets. Every school has pros and cons. And a decent student can get a lot out of any of them.

Personally, the most effective change has been in my perspective as a parent regarding which schools my children will likely attend. I know how much I’m willing/able to spend for their college educations. I will not and cannot exceed that amount by much, and I hope to not spend the max I’m willing to spend. So, I/we have ruled out any expensive universities as “must haves”.

My children (beginning with my son at this moment, class of '20) will apply to any and every college he chooses. And, once/if accepted, we will then discover how much money each school will provide. If the awards/scholarships/grants reduce the amount due down to the magic number, that college becomes a real option. If not, we eliminate that school as an option and look at the other schools.

However, he’s not looking at Bentley University and thinking his world will collapse if Bentley admits him but doesn’t provide the necessary award. He would love to attend, say American University or Boston U or Hofstra, but he already knows he will be very happy attending several of the public schools in-state. He is practically assured of being admitted to nearly every public school in-state, and the costs fit our guidelines.

My son is realistic about his/our reality. I am pragmatic about the costs. Neither of us harbors any unrealistic expectations at this point. We’re hopeful, without feeling entitled.

As long as your child’s “Must Have” college list isn’t filled only with schools that exceed your budget, there should not be any undue anxiety for you or your child.

And my opinion added to the above post…please…please let your kids know the college annual budget up front. Let them know that any college that doesn’t come it at a price point you can afford is going to have to be crossed off of consideration.

Every year here, we have parents and students who post about unaffordable acceptances (which they knew would be unaffordable if money wasn’t forthcoming from the colleges) and wonder if there is any way to make them affordable…or how to address this with their kids.

Best (in my opinion) for the students to know the budget up front.

It is definitely a must that families on budgets make their children aware of the budget. It’s not fair to set a budget but not tell your high school juniors/seniors what their budget is.

Having a budget does not mean the student can’t dream and apply to expensive schools. It just means that the student is aware that attending expensive schools will not be an option without significant financial aid. And in my situation, “financial aid” does not include the option of a parent taking out (or co-signing) student loans for tens of thousands of dollars each year.

Having a set-in-stone budget simply means making the child aware that he/she must have some fiscally realistic options on their list of colleges.

You will be fine if you have a plan and start applications early (like now is a great time!) Most national scholarship applications have early deadlines and it takes awhile to gather transcripts, references, etc so no time like the present to see what you need to get together. Also make certain you look into every resource for scholarships at the local, county and state level… you would be surprised at just how many alumnae, church and professional groups have $1-5,000 scholarships and that can be significant! $5K can cover the meal plan or housing for a semester. Look beyond scholarships to competitions - essay contests especially can be lucrative! And as you are searching, be sure to run the Net Price Calculator for each school so you know where you stand and if it is doable for you. Also be sure to speak with your students up front about what you can afford and let them know they will need to be working summers to help… not just gas money jobs but real 8-5ers. It will all come together as long as you keep expectations real and research the costs before getting hopes up.

A few notes about outside scholarships. My high stats S applied for dozens of national scholarships with zero success. It took a ton of time and effort, not to mention all kinds of LOR, transcripts (and we had to pay for his unis each time), pictures, etc. It was a royal PITA. However, he was pretty successful with local ones. For younger, more normal smart kid, we didn’t bother with national and worked hard on the local. He got almost $14K from various sources.

However, most of them are not renewable. They tend to give all the money to HS seniors. So watch closely now - watch what seniors are getting and from whom. Some weren’t well publicized in guidance. We only found out about them after older S had graduated. Also, watch out for the fine print. Older S won a $3K/year one. However, when it was time to pay up, turns out it would only cover tuition AFTER everything else was applied. He gets free merit tuition from the school, so he didn’t see a dime from them. Our fault for not reading the fine print but still… Ouch

This is great advice from everyone! Thank you very much! We are definitely open with our kids about what we can and cannot afford. And we’re not tied to any reach schools, although they are welcome to apply and see what happens. We will let our twins know that it is likely they will go to the schools that offer them the best financial aid. So if there are any schools they really do not want to attend, they should not apply.

On that note, be aware that some colleges include loans in their FA offer. It makes the bottom line seem less, but isn’t grant money, still comes out of your pocket. You should run the NPC/net price calculator for each school (if you aren’t self employed.)

I would say that the vast majority of schools include loans in their FA offer.

Where mine went, they didn’t package them in the “offer.” They left that choice of how to make the Family Contribution up to us. Our kids did then take the student loans. (I realize thing change.)

It can definitely be overwhelming to read about everyone else’s awesome kids, especially at CC - which clearly skews high.

There are lots and lots of families who regret their past financial choices, especially at the start of the college search process. Especially because so much is unknown at this point.

Advice is the same as others above - be up front with your kids about your financial situation. But also, be grateful that your husband has retired, that you are still working, and that your mortgage was not such an impossible monster that you had the choice to pursue other family activities.

Most importantly, it sounds like you raised a couple of great kids. Don’t be afraid to tell them that you know the process is different now than when you went to school, so you’re all going to learn together about how to solve this next problem. Based on those scores, your kids are clearly smart enough to understand what a limited budget really is. If they don’t already, they probably will think they are smarter than their parents anyway.