<p>My S1 went off to military college and resigned within 48 hours. I know that awkward feeling when someone asks that question. The best advice I can offer is to hold your head high, don’t be ashamed, and answer that it was not a good fit. </p>
<p>S1 came home & got his old job back at Starbucks. I took a traumatized kid to community college, registered him, and sent him off to class 72 hours later. What we thought was a disaster was probably the best thing that could have happened to him: he spent 2 years at CC learning to juggle work (~30 hrs/wk) and classes. He grew up. (He told me that working at Starbucks was the most compelling argument for getting a 4-year degree.) He made good grades at CC, then transferred to a top 4-year school that he never could have considered with his HS grades & SAT scores. He graduated from that university in May and I am very proud of him.</p>
<p>And yes, laminating the acceptance letter was DEFINATELY a curse …</p>
<p>If your son was a couple of years younger, I’d be certain that I know you. Our school makes such a big deal about military academy appointments - an officer comes to the school awards ceremony to make a special presentation to the appointee, their pictures are in the paper, etc. Definitely the highest profile admits.</p>
<p>So, along about October, I made a special effort to ask an acquaintance how his son was doing at the military academy - you know, supporting our troops and all. I felt terrible - the dad said something very quick about his son being back home and walked away.</p>
<p>Yes, it is far easier to be under the radar.</p>
<p>I wish more people look at these things as learning experiences and positive. Yes, I do envy those whose kids, nail it at the first shot where they like to be and what they like to do. Far less trouble. But, it’s no shame to find out that something is not a fit. It’s the time to make these discoveries. And if the kid is in truly unfortunate straits, the word should get out, and better through you than by rumor. Bad things do happen to us, any and all of us.</p>
<p>I’m not talking about those people who knew you had a sick dog. I’m talking about the most casual “how are you” - where you have to make a split second decision whether to share your grief or not.</p>
<p>Missypie – I was in the same situation a few years ago. My son attended college for 2 years, worked for 3 years, then transferred to a different college and finished. </p>
<p>I don’t know your situation – when my son first decided to take time off, he was thinking of traveling – so I think I would have answered the question along the lines of – “My son is taking some time off - he’s thinking of traveling to Tibet”. (The “Tibet” thing was discussed, but never materialized). Then my son got a job, and it happened to be a job that he really loved – and was good enough that he was very quickly promoted to a position of higher responsibility. So from then on… the “school” question was answered with a “work” question. (“He’s working for ______ these days”). </p>
<p>I got a lot of flack from the relatives. My son moved out after a couple of months to have an apartment closer to his job – and he had several job-related moves to different cities. I’d go weeks or months without seeing him, and then I’d see him and there would be a sparkle in his eye and a level of confidence that was amazing. Once he said to me, “I love my work so much – I can really see doing this for the rest of my life.” Then I’d get a call from his grandmother asking, “when is he going back to school? you have to MAKE him go back!”. That went on for the entire “gap” period.</p>
<p>When he did go back. I got the school-not-good-enough comments – he had started out in a more selective college – 3 years down the line, financial concerns mixed with a less-than-stellar academic transcript dictated a more modest choice. </p>
<p>I think you simply have to shrug the negative comments off and deflect the conversation. If your son is doing something else positive (working, traveling) – then a short reply along those lines is in order. If he has had to take time off because of reasons you would rather keep private – then you might reply by simply saying, “oh, he’s taking a break from school this year” – and then ask about THEIR kid or change the topic of conversation in another way. (politics, the weather, sports)</p>
<p>I would note that I think my son’s choice to leave school, in hindsight, was one of the very best decisions of his life. It worked out very well for him and led to very good things. But I didn’t encounter many people in the extended family who saw it that way during the time he was “between” schools. Outside the family, I don’t think people really cared – they were inquiring to be polite and to get the real-life equivalent of a facebook status update – but they really didn’t care one way or the other.</p>
<p>My D1 had to withdraw from her university in winter quarter of her senior year, she was being stalked and had to leave the area for her safety & sanity. There were many other factors involved, including whatever she had going on that made her vulnerable to the loser boy choosing her as stalkee!</p>
<p>She had 10 quarter courses to take for her 2nd degree, 2 of them were for her 1st degree, so within a very short time she had completed her first BA and worked diligently and creatively on the BS.</p>
<p>Grandpa stressed it the entire year it took to finish the 2nd degree. He was far away, he had no reason to need to know the daily stuff, she had actually completed the first BA so for most folks she would be done anyway, heck, most/many double majors would take 5 years anyway. I don’t know why he was so panicked, I suppose he was afraid it was a sign none of his GKs would graduate from college since she is the oldest.</p>
<p>It was ridiculous and made it more stressful for me. It was a quite challenging time for all of us and the last thing we needed was Gpa reminding us that she really needs to finish :D</p>
<p>It turned into one of the best times in her life. She changed dramatically as a person, she learned to know herself and stop seeking societies approval and instead determine her own path in life. She is still the same great kid she was in HS, but she is more comfortable in her own skin and confident in her priorities. She needed to figure that out her own way.</p>
<p>Not being able to post Grad '0X on facebook was tough for her. We don’t live in the town where the kids grew up, so no big deal on community input, but it was awkward for her as she was embarrassed to have diverged from the usual schedule. Now, close to her PhD, she says it was the best thing that could have happened, she made inside changes that have affected her entire path in life, and they were good changes.</p>