<p>My father-in-law seems to be particularly detached from reality in regards to MANY aspects of college admissions and college in general. I admit I should probably be more patient than I am, but I struggle with dealing with his misconceptions and the questions he has. Mostly, because he seems to doubt much of what I say. I get that he is proud of his grandson (my ds), but he just doesn't seem to get how selective schools are, how difficult it is to get in, how much they cost, the fact that most tippy top schools don't offer merit aid scholarships, etc. This weekend he was asking ds about our recent visit to Rice University, and he asked, "Well, doesn't everyone who goes to Rice receive a scholarship?" ????? When I say that is not the case, he carries on with, "Well, I thought they did." He is stunned at the price of schools, can't believe how much his (Big State U) alma mater costs now (even when I look it up on-line in front of him!). </p>
<p>Just wondering if I am the only one who deals with this sort of thing. Also the constant statements of "Oh, don't worry dgs will get in there. He can get in anywhere."</p>
<p>My MIL is the same way - especially the last quote - she tells my dd that she “will get in everywhere”. The price doesn’t seem to be a problem but her not understanding the merit aid at big school honors college vs. prestigious schools is a problem at times.</p>
<p>We easily solved the grandparent issue. We did NOT discuss college search and selection with them. We assured them that DS and DD were looking at a nice range of schools, and we would let the grandparents (and some of the other relatives) know when the final choice was made. Every time the subject came up, we said exactly the same thing and then either changed the subject or walked away.</p>
<p>My MIL pouts every time DS or I talk about him applying to OOS schools. She’s already told him he couldn’t move away. I told her one of the OOS schools is in the city my mom lives in, at least she held her tongue that time!</p>
<p>HAHAHA! It was my dear wonderful husband that I had to explain that getting into college is much more competitive than it was when we went to college. Same for the actual expense of college. Back in the day when our in-state schools cost was around $3 a semester hour and you just applied sometime around January to that 1 or maybe 2 schools on your mind and somehow automatically got in. Times have drastically changed! I tell parents of younger kids they need to start thinking about college planning in the 8th grade when it comes to visiting schools, taking the SAT/ACT, gathering info, etc. We have a HS Class of 2017 DD and we are going to be much more prepared for her. Just happy that DD got her acceptance to her top school already Although I am a bit sad as this weekend she pulled off her high school spirit sticker on her car window and replaced it w/ that Bama script “A”. Bitter sweet moment. </p>
<p>Dad has come to understand, finally, the cost of a college education and he now understands just how competitive it is to get into college in todays world. </p>
<p>As for the grandparents, unless they are coughing up the $ to pay for it, they were told she was already accepted to one of her top choices and has decided that is where she is going and that is the final answer.</p>
<p>Oh yes! One of my kids attended a state flagship a few years back with estimated out-of-state total costs of $30K and my father said that, with that price, it must be private. On another occasion, my mother said, "Some colleges want $35K a year for tuition. One of my kids is a senior at a top lac and, just last week, my dad asked me the name of the school and asked if it was any good. Part of me looks forward to the day when I am so far away from the how-to-pay-for-college stress that I don’t even have to know reality!</p>
<p>Last I checked, all my children are perfect, wonderful, and the world revolves around them…according to the grandparents.</p>
<p>I never met a good grandparent who doesn’t have this attitude.</p>
<p>And being out-of-date on some things, well, my husband is 41 yrs old and seriously out of date on so much. So I do not even bother to try to convince the grandparents. My dad still thinks this is 1950 and rural Midwest America based on his ideas.</p>
<p>I think this is more of a statement of Grandpa’s confidence and respect for the grandson. I guess I don’t see the need to correct their thinking. When the time comes just tell Grandpa that jr selected XYZ college and be done with it.</p>
<p>I think this is a case where nod and smile should work very well. They mean well and you can’t stop them from talking because they want to feel like they are part of the process. </p>
<p>My parents were wonderful when my kids were applying to schools. They never said anything in front of them other than “Not to worry, you’ll get in some where. I don’t like HYPS anyway. Not such good schools,” knowing very well our kids were applying to those tippy top schools. In private they would tell me not to put too much pressure on them. But during a weak moment, my dad did say to me, “D2 has the stats, it would be nice if she were to go to Yale.” Maybe his great-grandchildren some day.</p>
<p>Good advice from all. Yes, I know he means well. It wouldn’t annoy me so much if he wouldn’t challenge/disbelieve everything I say when he asks! It probably is best just to not talk about it. But, we had been to Rice to visit, so it is natural that he would ask about our visit. My mil keeps chiming in about how ds is “just a little kid” and shouldn’t have to be making these decisions yet. He is a grade skip and young for his class, but those comments aren’t very helpful either.</p>
<p>@PizzaGirl - no - I don’t think he believes he has a say - but he definitely has opinions. I think they both think we are crazy contemplating spending full-freight for ds to attend school if that’s what it takes, but, so far, they aren’t saying that out loud. Thankful for that.</p>
<p>For more than fifty years Rice students attended tuition free. Grandpa might not be up to date but he was at least historically accurate. Cut the old guy some slack. Maybe only one “?”.</p>
<p>Right. It’s not really important that grandma and grandpa be schooled in “how hard it is to get into competitive schools” or that they become founts of wisdom. What counts is that they are delighted / supportive of your child wherever he winds up. And if your father / father-in-law is keeping his “you’re crazy” to himself, so much the better!</p>
<p>My father tries to be supportive, but his version of support sometimes takes the form of unreal expectations. He seems convinced DS should attend his school, an LAC that competes with the Ivies.</p>
<p>This is the school he attended 60 years ago because he was a C student and the headmaster didn’t put him on one of the Ivy lists. He’s proud of how selective the school has become but doesn’t seem to get what that means for DS, especially because another grandchild, a recruited athlete, did attend his alma mater. DS is not an athlete. Since the other GC applied the acceptance rates have fallen another 5 or 10 percent to a ridiculously low level.</p>
<p>Unfortunately the only way I’ve been able to keep him from pushing is to make DS out to be a weaker student than he is. So much for parental bragging!</p>
<p>I find it encouraging that other families struggle with similar grandparent issues.</p>
<p>My mom adds a twist to the problem. She insists that my kids (who have resumes that will be competitive at tippy top schools) will get full scholarships wherever they want to go. My nieces on the other hand are far more lackadaisical academically and are interested only in local public colleges. They freely admit they are looking at “easy majors” so they won’t have to work too hard. Gramma funds the nieces’ college accounts but doesn’t give my kids anything (they will get scholarships, remember?). The practical impact of this is that the nieces will have lavish parties at an off-campus apartment (within commuting distance from home) while my kids will have loans for years.</p>
<p>It is her money and she is certainly free to do whatever she pleases with it. But it is frustrating that she is making decisions based on erroneous information.</p>
<p>A good friend’s DS is a solid B student. Her narcissistic SIL/BIL are Ivy grads who chaired their reunion weekend committee and serve on another college committee, and began promising her son that they could “get him in” to said extremely competitive (ACT 34+ type of school) college. Her narcissistic parents joined in, encouraging her DS to apply, because “SIL/BIL can get you in”. DS was perplexed: why were his parents saying he can’t get in while his aunt/uncle/grandparents were strongly encouraging him to do so. (Not even a “good fit” for DS, by the way, and son’s ACT was below 25th Percentile.) My friend concluded that her family was enthralled by SIL/BIL’s supposed clout, and were perfectly willing to sacrifice DS’ self-worth by compelling him to apply to a school he where had no chance of gaining acceptance. Ego, ego, ego.</p>
Although I am a bit sad as this weekend she pulled off her high school spirit sticker on her car window and replaced it w/ that Bama script “A”. Bitter sweet moment. </p>