<p>I freely admit that I am overly invested in the college search, but it’s the f-i-l who is into the “name game.”</p>
<p>The easiest way to do it is to make an enthusiastic statement like, “Johnny has sent out applications to some wonderful schools that will be a good fit for him. We’ll keep you posted when he’s chosen which one he will attend.” Then change the subject to something you know they want to talk about–their golf game, their garden, the latest great movie, the crazy family member, etc. Repeat as often as necessary. They will get the message.</p>
<p>For us, S was very fortunate that my SIL took an interest and was willing to drive S & me to look at some Us in SF and the surrounding area. We let S choose which Us he was interested in, though she did add the Cal Maritime U to the list without objection by either of us (tho neither of us was enthused by it as a real option). Neither SIL nor H nor I tried to push either of our kids hard toward or against any school. We were fortunate that my parents (the kids’ GPs) never said anything except to bask in the glow that all of their grandkids are attending great Us without any help from GPs. H’s parents had died when the kids were very young, so they have only fuzzy memories of those GPs. </p>
<p>I am glad my folks never compared our kids to other grandkids or any of their friends’ kids. It has made everything MUCH more pleasant.</p>
<p>My folks have never offered funding to any of their 15 grandkids. My SIL was kind enough to send us a generous check toward our kids’ education periodically, which was very much appreciated and helpful. She never tied any strings to these checks and was pleased that both kids studied hard and did well. I have no idea whether she helped her other niece and nephew financially with their educations, but doubt it because nephew dropped out of HS and niece has now taken 7 years commuting, working part-time and loans to get her teaching degree and credential, while attending CC and in-state Cal State U.</p>
<p>My parents are exactly the same. Add to that the fact that they see a sense of duty to pay for my college (and they really can’t afford to pay or mine plus my siblings).</p>
<p>It is always, “Yeah, my parents payed for my college, we ought to pay for yours”. Makes for some hellish fights (Me: I want to take out some [minimal] college loans to make sure that you can afford to send all of us to college" Them: “Hell no. It is our responsibility to ensure that our children get a good education! Our parents payed for our college, we ought to pay for yours!” Me; “Back then college was not as expensive and was definitely not as overpriced as it is now.” Them: “Doesn’t matter, we have a duty to ensure your education.”)</p>
<p>Well, Davinitall if your parents insist on funding your education, make sure it counts and that you get a good and reasonably priced one that can help you get a good job so you can help with your sibblings college and/or other expenses. If you parents don’t save enough for their retirement, you may have to help them with that as well, which is a HUGE burden. Perhaps pointing that out to them may help them see the wisdom of having you take out reasonable Stafford loans and work to help meet expenses.</p>