Ds went on medical leave for depression in December. He won’t be able to return to school until fall, if he’s ready and willing. He’s doing better, but we’ve had our ups and downs. The past couple days have been downs. I’ve had so much support from my friends. I’m just looking for some encouragement from those that have been there. Thanks.
Oldest son went through this. Just barely managed to get through senior year. It took him a solid 4 months to get in a good place, so to speak. He had planned on grad school right out of college but put it on hold. He has been working for over a year, and working out and has friends. As he said, it’s been a good year. A total of two years from graduation to now. He just got into grad school and is ready to go. So, it will come, but it takes a while. Try to work with your child and listen and talk to them -alot. Good luck : )
I haven’t personally been there but one of my close friends in undergrad took a semester off due to Depression. She is now in grad school and thriving. Taking the time off wasn’t even a bump in the road and we all shudder to think of what would’ve happened if she had not.
Is he being treated with meds? Therapy? What is he doing during his leave?
Our family has dealt with medical leaves for two kids, for chronic illness flares for one, and for depression in another. There are zigs and zags but both are thriving. One went back to school after medical leaves and did wonderfully. The other did not go back in the traditional way but has taken a few years to integrate some of her interests and is just now returning via an individualized “degree completion” program. As long as his depression is adequately treated, things will work out, they really will. It can take time, more for some than others, and sometimes the timeline has to be more flexible, with options like online classes or reduced course load to keep the stress down. Good luck!
I know two people who took different paths but were both successful in the end. Someone I went to college with (years ago) left for a semester for depression, returned to school and did very well. She now has a career, is married to a great guy, and has two children. My D has a friend who left college for depression and chose to finish her education at home. Part of this I’d imagine was to be near her parents and doctor and another part of the decision was that my D’s college didn’t have her real interest as a major and she found a school that by all accounts is a better fit for her interests and talents. She is happy and thriving where she is now and keeps in touch with my D and a number of their mutual friends.
The important thing is to deal with the issue directly, get treatment, and take whatever time is needed before returning to school (or finding a situation which works better if that is necessary) which it sounds like your D is doing with your support. Perhaps consider (with her doctor and your D) if it would help if she took one less course of something when she returns to school to lighten her load at the start. All best wishes to you and your D going forward.
Hugs to you. This is clearly a hard time for you and your child.
My son took two leaves of absence for depression and then transferred to be closer to home and to be in a school that was less stressful (his LAC prided itself on being very tough). Thus far, it’s working out. I can’t say it’s been easy and nor is it over, but taking semesters off was so necessary. When he’s depressed, he can’t think. He has high standards for himself and not being able to meet those only added to his issues. I am sure your friends have been supportive, but there are other resources as well. NAMI (the National Alliance of Mentally Ill) has family to family groups that are great.
My son had to drop out of school (2,000 miles away) due to a severe mental illness. He took one semester off, then enrolled at our small local university. That school has been very accommodating - I am really impressed with it.
He does well if we can help him manage his stress. My husband and I work from home, so our son sits between us in our office while he’s studying. He had one relapse almost two years ago, and had to drop his classes. But he’s doing much better now. He’s an applied math major and will probably graduate in May, 2016, two years longer than we thought it would take him.
The best two pieces of advice I’ve gotten on our long journey:
- IT'S NOT A RACE!! Do not let YOUR expectations influence your son's path. So what if he takes longer to graduate than you expected? My husband didn't graduate from college until he was 30, and he's had a wonderful career.
- A little blunter thing I've been told more than once is, "Your goal at this point is to keep the ball in play." And yes, that means keep him alive long enough to get the help he needs. That was like a blow to my stomach the first time I heard it, but I try to think of it often. I don't want to have regrets down the line.
I, too recommend NAMI’s Family-to-Family class. It’s a free, 12-week-long course that teaches you a lot about mental illness. You also learn empathy and skills for problem solving and communication. You also learn that there are other kids a lot worse off than yours. In my group, we were supposed to share our biggest problem. At that point, mine was trying to get my son to shower more often. One father said his was trying to get his homeless son off the streets in Alaska before winter, because the young man refused to live in an apartment his dad wanted to rent for him. 
If you want to PM me, feel free.
Add us to the list – and yes, it can be okay. I also recommend NAMM, it was such a relief to meet other parents rowing the same boat.
To all this other very good advice (especially IT IS NOT A RACE) I would add only two things. 1. Don’t forget to do fun things, too. Even if it’s a drive, or a movie. 2. Don’t hide. Have an honest -but - short answer to the nosy and concerned people of the world. Practice it in your head, and deliver it with chin up.
We will hope for all good outcomes, and remember to breathe 
Thanks everyone. He’s on medication for the first time. Seeing a therapist and psych. Taking a class at a local college. He was at a great LAC. I think it would be hard for him to return, but who knows what will happen? It’s hard not to look ahead. I’m a planner.
I agree it is not a race. Ds is so hard on himself. But he is better than 2 -3 months ago when he was suicidal.
And I also agree about the hiding. Our good friends know what’s going on. Others we just tell he’s home going to a local college. They must suspect something bc he left a very good school, but it’s his story not ours and really none of their business.
We have a loved one who has had quite a few bumps along the road. For her, it has mainly been chronic illness that flares and then goes into remission, making stamina very unpredictable and also affecting concentration and pretty much everything else. She was forced out of HS after JR year, completed 3 semesters of CC, went to a U 2500 miles away and then crashed in what was supposed to be SR year. She did a reset and was able to graduate in her major one year later, after 3 CC semesters and 4.5 years of college. She is now doing some volunteer free lancing while she tries to work on her health and stamina so she can figure out her next steps and hopefully figure out how she wants to make a living.
Life is definitely a marathon journey, not a sprint. We are definitely treading different paths than we expected but are happy that she is content and still upbeat and keeping in touch with peers and networking. We are fortunate to have good insurance and are glad that we have found some good, supportive physicians to help us through these challenges. Her issues are primarily physical due to the chronic illness that she has had since she was 10 or 12 (things are a bit blurry). She’s now had the chronic illness longer than she’s been “healthy.”
Lorelai, you will be surprised how many people have been through this…when we started saying “He’s taking a break, and getting well, thanks for being concerned” all sorts of stories would tumble out of people. The world runs on a plan, on a schedule, and it’s hard to not be able to plan very far ahead or at all. But you seem to have a good sense of your son and what is sensible for him. What does the world know, anyway 
When my DS was hard on himself, I had to make a point of telling/reminding him that having depression is not a moral failing – he hadn’t robbed a bank, or betrayed a friend, or stolen stuff. That it wasn’t a measure of his value as a human being. And I hugged him a LOT. I stilll make sure he is hugged, or I sit next to him, because I think sometimes our sons are reluctant to admit they need some physical presence. He came through the worst of it scarred but intact, and is in a really good place now. At the time, I was sure people were just feeding me bs and could not comprehend a way forward, but it happened over time. You hang on!
OP - As another planner/organizer I sympathize completely! Letting go of some of that has been a big challenge for me.
The more we can all remove the stigma from mental illness, the better for everyone. I am very open, but it is difficult for my DH to be. Yet major depression is a brain-based biological illness, a physical illness. There is no shame involved, just as there is no shame in a “physical” illness; in fact, I find the term “mental illness” difficult to swallow.
Agree with other posters that you need support and fun for yourselves also. This can be a long siege and you need to take care of yourselves.
Feel free to PM me as well. My son was at a very well-respected LAC, returned after his first leave (which was a mistake) and is now at a state university. He has had to work through feelings about “coming down” in life, but it has been the best decision for him.
all best
Both my kids took a semester off to deal with issues. I was pretty upfront with people about the reason, and also found that freed up others to share their experiences. You and your S are not alone. Better to get help, regroup and move forward in whatever way is healthy.
If he finds a med that works, things can turn around pretty quickly. And after the first period on the meds, while he is on maintenance, you can worry less about safety.
Things will work out, and I hope the number of responses here conveys that to you!
It’s so true that talking to others about the experience has freed others to talk about their experience. So many times when I say to someone, “Oh, ds is taking a semester off. He’s at home with us right now.” I hear a story about one of their kids or themselves.
Sure. I work with kids like this every year. If they can fix the underlying problem, there is typically zero long-term impact on their educational paths. Focus on making a full recovery. For a student who is well, a past medical leave is a non-issue.
Many of us have the impression that most kids go off to 4 year colleges and graduate 4 years later. That is an illusion. From the National Center for Education Statistics “The 2012 graduation rate for first-time, full-time undergraduate students who began their pursuit of a bachelor’s degree at a 4-year degree-granting institution in fall 2006 was 59 percent. That is, 59 percent of first-time, full-time students who began seeking a bachelor’s degree at a 4-year institution in fall 2006 completed the degree at that institution within 6 years.”