Does boarding school "ruin" your college experience?

Prep School Admissions
1

<p>I was speaking with my sister, who is a junior at boarding school. She said that alot of her friends, who are currently freshmen at college, say they feel the other freshmen kids are so immature, compared to them (the ones who came from boarding schools.) Especially at the beginning of the year, when the freshmen were getting drunk, doing really stupid stuff, or just being so excited to be "on their own." My sister said her friends were a little disillusioned with their fellow students, and seemed to congregate with other boarding school students, and excluded many of the immature freshmen. She said it is a little better now, as some of the newness of living on their own has worn off, plus the reality of grades has appeared, so some of the immature freshmen have grown up. </p>

<p>Is this a typical phenomenon? Does anyone else have first hand or anecdotal information about this? Have the boarding school kids matured faster? Or is this just a stereotype?</p>

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<p>It's typical but in my opinion, it's not so much a matter of maturing faster as learning how to be responsible for one's freedom without parental oversight. I think balancing competing desires (to have fun, to earn good grades, to appear confident, etc.) is more of a skill than a matter of maturity, and students and their parents tend to underestimate the role parental oversight plays in students' high-school success. When parents are out of the day-to-day picture, peer influence tends to bloat to fill the gap. Boarders have an opportunity to learn certain time management/use skills that most college students don't learn until they are likewise separated from their parents.</p>

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<p>My son really did love his time at bs, but when college came, he was anxious to be out of a dorm and in his own apartment. He lived on campus his freshman year and that was it. He is an excellent cook, and although the food at his bs was excellent, he wanted homemade meals. He still calls me for recipes!</p>

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<p>I'm currently a senior at a boarding school, and I definately feel the pain of boarding school when looking at college options - I DO NOT want to opt for the typical college experience. I'm done with living in a dorm, eating school food... </p>

<p>As far as drinking, it's so strict at boarding school that I feel like I'll go crazy... Just not to the same extent that other kids may.</p>

<p>Keylyme - That sums it up very nicely :)</p>

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<p>i am a senior at a boarding school.</p>

<p>i love my school and all, and i will miss it a ton, but i can not wait until college. i am sick of all the stupid rules! </p>

<p>but yeah, i think feeling more mature than your peers is pretty common, i hear it alot too. i don't think of it as ruining your college experience though, i see it as a pro. i won't do stupid freshman stuff.</p>

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<p>Yeah, I bet the one thing that doesn't happen with boarding school students when they go away to college: the Freshman 15!</p>

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<p>As far as maturity....well, I don't know if I would call it that, exactly, but my son was definitly more equipped to manage his own life and live in an apartment than my non-bs daughter would be (she is currently a college freshman and the difference is blatant. She has made so many mistakes and is pretty overwhelmed just trying to manage schoolwork and her sport).</p>

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<p>While I am sure that KitKatBar's sister's friends are very close to her, it is evident to me that she could very well have much broader social life if she "did as the Romans do." Now I am not advocating binge drinking or other inappropriate behavior, but that is part of what the college experience is about. On a secondary note, stereotypes have the effect of being just that-biased and unfounded assumptions.</p>

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<p>Obviously the "college experience" is whatever you want it to be. So if you're dream was to live in the dorms with other people your age then the answer would probably be yes. On the other hand, if your goal was to meet people other students who may or may not have gone to boarding school and grow intellectually and personally, then perhaps not.</p>

<p>Also, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I'm definitely getting a slightly snooty, "thank god I didn't go to PUBLIC school vibe" from this thread, but I'm sure that's not what people are going for.</p>

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<p>No, that isn't what my sister was saying at all (about the thank God I didn't go to public school sentiment). She is thinking alot about college right now and is talking to her friends who are at college. Her friends are enjoying college, but all of them did bring up the fact that some of the freshmen girls seemed really immature, especially first semester. I do think after you have been living "on your own" for 4 years, albeit with many rules and regulations, you are more equipped to "manage your own life" as keylyme suggests. I know my sister seems more responsible to me, compared to other juniors at my high school. She just seems to manage her time pretty well, and her success is one of the reasons why I also would like to attend boarding school. (If she can do it, so can I :D)</p>

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<p>i feel like that some times, but it's a pretty elitist view imo and really turns people off. i don't really think it's all that true either; there are plenty of boarding school kids who come in, have no idea how to control themselves and end up *<strong><em>ing up royally. conversely, there are many kids from average or below-average high schools who are highly motivated and hit the ground running. i've written this before, but i do think boarding school gives you an advantage in college...for about 1 semester. people catch up. and as much *</em></strong> as your typical boarding school kid talks about how easy college is, they're usually not at the top of the class after awhile.</p>

<p>there's only about 1 other kid where i go that went to boarding school, so surrounding myself with that type isn't an option, not that i'd even want to. and a word of advice: if you should find yourself outside that super-prestigious, super-expensive group of colleges at which rich kids (from boarding or day schools) congregate, do yourself a biiiiiig favor and chill out with the ultra-cynical, everything/everybody sucks, like omigod you're soo immature attitude. you're not gonna impress anybody.</p>

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<p>so Ibftw, if there is only one other kid from boarding school at your college, how can you say
[quote]
there are plenty of boarding school kids who come in, have no idea how to control themselves and end up ****ing up royally.

[/quote]
You know, one major reason why I think people discount your posts is cuz you end up making these grandiose generalizations.</p>

<p>I don't think anyone was taking an elitist attitude here. Not really sure what you were trying to say in your last sentence...seems like a contradiction.</p>

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<p>it's pretty simple really; see, i've kept up with the happenings of a lot of my former bs classmates, and that was my observation. i also have a couple non-bs friends who go to colleges with a lot of prep school kids, and they confirm it.</p>

<p>and it's a very elitist attitude, acting as though you're too mature and sophisticated for the rest of the kids wherever you go to college (especially ironic because not only are they the same age as you, but most of them have had jobs that pay before, unlike a lot of prep schoolers). your sister's friends need to get over themselves and act their age. when in rome.</p>

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<p>Boarding school experience does not ruin one's college experience, but it does make it different--especially in the first year. Less thrill of living on your own, more accustomed to managing personal affairs such as laundry and checking accounts, more tolerance for a variety of living styles, more disciplined to resist temptations in favor of school obligations. The difficulty that I have noticed, as most Ivies have as well, is the need during the first year of college to challenge students from the most academically intense and demanding boarding schools. As one boarding school professor & dept. chair said to me, it is hard to appreciate what these kids go through academically. I am most familiar with boarding school students from Andover, Exeter, Groton, Hotchkiss, St. Paul's, Roxbury Latin, Milton Choate Rosemary Hall, Lawrenceville, St. Andrew's and similiarly demanding schools. Many of these students compensate by quickly getting involved with on campus activities such as student government, music, singing, theatre & writing for campus publications. Rigorous academics and a demanding & challenging environment is almost a necessity for these kids as they have been living it for the past three or four years. I am constantly and repeatedly astonished at the depth, maturity & skill evidenced in their writings. And these are not all 1400/1600 SAT I scorers. Many of these students score in the 1300s out of 1600, but eat up the first year at top 20 colleges & universities without fear or hesitation. Things do, however, even out after the first year or two of college.</p>

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<p>I can see what you mean- it has nothing to do with you seeing boarding schools as 'better,' like lbftw says. Boarding school students have had the experience of living on their 'own' before, so it makes sense that college would be less of a shock to them. Maybe not more mature, but definitely less prone to make some of the mistakes that go hand in hand with no longer having mom and dad around.</p>

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<p>maybe i'm alone on this one, but i really don't see boarding school and college as that similar. in some ways you have more freedom at bs, but in others you're way more restricted. curfews, lights out, internet shuts off at a certain time, no cars, have to get like 20 forms of permission to go anywhere outside of town, all stuff you'd deal with less (if at all) if you lived at home. the supervision is less personal but more rigid if that makes sense.</p>

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<p>I didn't attend boarding school, but I went to college with a fair number of students who did. I don't know lbftw's posting history, but his point is, in my experience, a fair (if rather strongly stated) one:</p>

<p>
[quote]
there are plenty of boarding school kids who come in, have no idea how to control themselves and end up ****ing up royally. conversely, there are many kids from average or below-average high schools who are highly motivated and hit the ground running.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>The boarding school kids I knew in college were just as diverse a group of people as the rest of the students. Some of them came in and messed around, some made seamless transitions, and most fell somewhere in the middle. Some were incredibly mature, a few may never be mature. </p>

<p>So, how big of a role did boarding school play in all of this? Impossible to generalize. For some of the kids, we can assume that they really knew how to look after themselves, take responsibility for their own actions, manage their time, and so forth, and we can credit that to their years spent boarding. But then, they've got the latch-key, naturally mature, and/or highly organized NON-boarding school kids right there with 'em, as well as kids who were in charge of lots of younger siblings, who spent every HS summer away from home at various programs, who developed great time management skills from sports or particularly intense HS schedules, or who, in general, picked up the very same skills/maturity-levels elsewhere. And on the other hand, as ahhhcollege says, freedom from strict boarding rules can cause a boarding school student to go as 'crazy' in college as any other kid who's experiencing newfound 'freedom' and independence. There are other kids who are going to go a little bit crazy at college simply because it's college, regardless of how they spent their HS years. In other words, I think that a boarding school background can be given as the justification of many different college behaviors; conversely, every particular college behavior can be explained in many different ways.</p>

<p>I imagine it's easy for the boarding school kids who've had easy transitions to credit the fact to their HS experiences. It makes perfect sense. And of course, there are plenty of college freshman who didn't come from boarding schools but are still handling college life just fine...they don't attract any attention because they're not making trouble. The comparison in the original post really isn't between "boarding school kids" and "non-boarding school kids." The comparison is between some particular boarding school kids who feel that they've made smooth transitions, and a pool of (presumably) non-boarding school kids whose poor choices are attracting attention (and discussion). </p>

<p>When it came to maturity, I never felt that the boarding school kids had, as a whole, a noticeable edge. Plenty of them were mature, responsible people, but (believe it or not) so were lots of other college freshmen. I do imagine that kids who boarded through HS had the edge in other areas, not necessarily related to overall maturity...homesickness, emotional adjustment to campus life and communal living, knowing what to pack, solving day-to-day problems without the aid of a parent, basic "life skills" like laundry and checkbook balancing, and so forth.</p>

<p>Like I said, I definitely knew some incredibly responsible, mature college students who came from boarding schools. I'm very sure that some of them attribute their maturity and responsibility to their high school experiences. But it's definitely not a generalization that's without many exceptions on both sides.</p>

<p>ETA: Cross-posted with a few others. And also, I didn't get any feeling of elitism from this thread. To be fair, most 18 year olds think they're more mature than their peers ;)</p>

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<p>Boarding school and college are very, very different experiences. My hopes that college would be somewhat similar to my experience at Mercersburg were soon dispelled.</p>

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<p>Decades ago :-) I graduated from a boarding school with extremely rigorous academics. I messed up pretty badly my first year in college, but it wasn't drinking and partying - got bored with partying pretty quickly. The classes <em>seemed</em> easier and I didn't take them seriously enough. I got involved in <em>way</em> too many ECs ( I was delighted to be in a larger environment and find so many folks like me) and didn't study nearly enough. My GPA suffered terribly <lol></lol></p>

<p>Now my children are homeschooled and oddly enough, the challenges aren't as different as I expected. My sons are used to sharing rooms with several kids and are pretty well accustomed to being responsible for their own academics ( I am teaching six this year, so I can't stand over them all the time :-). I do worry about them doing the same thing I did - taking it too lightly and blowing their GPAs - though they are involved in many more ECs now than I was at boarding school. </p>

<p>I think boarding school kids are all different just like any other kids. Some of my friends did great in college, some bombed, some adjusted well, others not at all. I will say that I could <em>not</em> wait to get out of the dorm and into an apartment - I was sick to death of dorm life. I stuck it out in the dorms a year and a half in college.</p>

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<p>I always wondered why a parent would home school their kids, could you explain?</p>