Does he have to stick with this to the end?

Parents Forum
21

<p>" Quitting as a senior would require an explanation on his part. It might be a good essay topic, especially if for him this feels like a moral or ethical decision, or a way to make a statement to the band director that his unreasonableness can no longer be tolerated."</p>

<p>No, it doesn’t require any explanation. Just because a student has done something for years doesn’t mean colleges expect they’ll do it senior year. Colleges know that students change interests and also may decide to drop activities in order to devote more time to an activity that is a passion. </p>

<p>I don’t think his band experience would be a good topic because it could sound too much like a rant against the band director. Far better for your S to write about a subject that he loves, not one that he dropped because he didn’t like the way the director lead.</p>

22

<p>“… it could sound too much like a rant against the band director.”</p>

<p>I read in one of the guides (can’t remember which) that even the hint of blaming someone else for an issue not going well can mean instant rejection.</p>

23

<p>Glad someone else mentioned the “sour grapes” aspect. While some may feel four years of band may not count for that much as an EC (though at some schools, I am all too aware that’s where the brightest kids in a less-than-challenging school find their niche), leadership does matter, esp. if you are looking to maximize merit $$. </p>

<p>I would suggest to my S that he take advantage of the leadership role to advocate changes that will improve his situation, as well as everyone else’s. What self-discovery and results that come from that experience may be just as life-changing as finding a new activity.</p>

24

<p>Let him quit. He’s done three solid years of band, and he has more important priorities his senior year. </p>

<p>As a mom who spent eight years supporting my D’s music ECs, there’s a big red flag for me in in the OP’s first post – Band should absolutely NOT be a priority at the expense of senior year college apps, visits, test, etc. And shame on any high school for allowing it. Orchestragirl was a serious musician outside of school, participated in a nationally ranked, award-winning youth orchestra (Carnegie Hall performance, European concert trip, etc), but that organization would NEVER put itself a higher priority than the students’ academic responsibilities.</p>

25

<p>My gut says your DS would have to be <em>very</em> borderline in any admissions office for this to have any impact at all. Leave the decision up to him. Let him know you won’t be disappointed if he decides to drop it. I know lots of hs seniors who dropped their sports, etc., because they were just tired of it, they weren’t going to pursue them in college, and they wanted to relax a little their senior year. It’s stressful enough as it is.</p>

26

<p>You mention that your S will have a good leadership position in the band as a senior. In large and/or competitive high schools, it often takes years of paying your dues in a school organization before you get a shot at those positions, so it would be a shame to lose out on that reward for 3 years of dedication. Does he have other significant leadership experience such that the absence of this role wouldn’t matter much? If not, then I agree with JHS on this one.</p>

27

<p>My D. went thru many interviews for selective programs and scholarships and never was asked any questions about longivity of participation in any EC’s. Some of them were 4 years. some 60 hours. They should reflect sinsere interest, not desire to have a nice resume. The most important is to show passion and never, ever show off, they will detect it one way or another.</p>

28

<p>I’m going to venture a guess that no one walking on earth at this present moment has been saying to themselves “oh damn, my life would have been so different/better/improved if only I hadn’t dropped band (or fill in the blank with some common student activity) in the fourth year!” </p>

<p>In the big scheme of things, with everything taken together, it is not going to make an ounce of difference. That is true for just so many things when it comes to college admissions-- however we want to minutely control and predict a process that is largely out of our control and predictability. </p>

<p>I strongly doubt the school he dreams of realistically getting into is going to put him in the ‘reject’ or ‘accept’ list because of this particular decision. And even if such a school would reject him on this basis, does that really sound like the wonderful school you want your kid going to?</p>

29

<p>S1 dropped Latin for sr. year. It wasn’t grades. He mades A’s. The teacher was just so volatile. He couldn’t face another year in her class.
He took Team Sports ( PE class) instead and had a blast. </p>

<p>He also chose to take Honors Eng. sr. year instead of AP because he liked the Honors teacher so much better. He even dropped out of NHS in the middle of senior year. </p>

<p>He had more fun with his friends during his senior year than all the others put together. I was glad he did it. Senior year should be fun.<br>
None of that stuff mattered at all. He went state u. on a full ride and will grad. next month w/ honors. </p>

<p>I say let him drop band if he really wants to.</p>

30

<p>

</p>

<p>They also drop things for less elaborate reasons, such as schedule conflicts. Chances are that band is a one-section class that meets only during a specific period during the day. The same is true of many senior electives, including AP classes. I’m sure there will be former band members who will not be in the band senior year because they preferred to take another class that meets at the same time.</p>

<p>My daughter played soccer for years. Dropped it in the middle of high school with no explanation. Nobody ever asked why.</p>

31

<p>Refreshing to know that there are other parents out there who also support their child’s interests and well-being rather than what holds potential for “looking good” on college apps. </p>

<p>This is the attitude with which we have approached both of our children’s activities and you would think, by other adults’ (including teachers) reactions, that we had three eyes!</p>

32

<p>

I’d like to claim it’s my elightened well thought out parenting plan … but that would be a lie. </p>

<p>This is one of things I learned along the way … brought home when our very athletic kid quit his “main sport” since kindergarten with no warning … the explaination “now that it’s not just for fun I really don’t want to play anymore; I am much more serious about sport B and C”. I wrote “Main Sport” in quotes above since we assumed it was the main sport due to onfield performance … meanwhile within our child’s head was a very clear picture of how the sports ranked, what the benny was for playing each, and when to keep going and when to stop. All we needed to do was ask instead of assume and we would have known … ever since (after recovering from my heart attack from the shock) I’ve asked a heck of a lot more questions and made a lot less assumptions.</p>

33

<p>"Refreshing to know that there are other parents out there who also support their child’s interests and well-being rather than what holds potential for “looking good” on college apps. "</p>

<p>Yes, with both of my kids, I helped them find activities and other things that matched and developed their interests and personalities. My thoughts are that it’s important to help our kids develop to be the best “themselves” they can be. After that, help them find a college that will best suit them, including allowing them the opportunity to fly.</p>

34

<p>Forgot to mention in earlier post…S1 also played JV football for two years. He was starting linebacker and team capt. the second year. Was he a varsity star? Nope. He decided he wasn’t going to play varsity at all. Said he was done with football. He was more interested in getting a part-time job after school. We let him choose. The PT job turned out to be the biggest learning experience he has ever had. Kept that job thru high school and all four years of college! </p>

<p>When he interviewed for a big scholaship( that he ended up winning) , the interviewer was far more interested in talking about S’s committment to his job than his than the reason he dropped football and NHS.</p>

35

<p>I am in agreement with those who say drop it if it is no longer meaningful.</p>

<p>My DD was on track to be a varsity sport captain, but her coach also coached the club team and the spring of grade 11 he just gave her fits; he seemed to pick on my Dd and another sensitive girl. It was like he was trying to toughen them up. I am not sure his motivation, but he seemed to choose odd actions that almost were designed to hurt the feelings of each different girl. 1/3 of the starters never had fits, the other 2/3 could be in tears more often than not.</p>

<p>He was delightful to the parents, but we still could see the girls being very unhappy with him and his behaviour caused a great deal of drama. I asked our GC about it and he said to do what my DD wanted to do and I struggled to believe that, but we did support her when she chose not to stay on the team after the first week. It was the right decision.</p>

<p>The list of ECs is just some boxes to check, the way it makes a difference in the app is how it has shaped or matured your student, how the experience affects the essays, etc. I did not like the way this coach was shaping my DD.</p>

<p>My next DD never was cookie cutter, always did what she wanted, not what was recommended and her admissions results were fantastic, better than D1 who was doing what she ‘was supposed to do’ </p>

<p>Re: the coach, I waited until the end of DDs senior year and then talked to the admin and I did not whinge about the things that drove me crazy, the emotional issues; I gave them specific provable issues and guess what, they told him he could not be a coach any more and he left the school…the admin was aware of the emotional issues and actually told me they were impressed with our reserve at the time DD quit…they thought we would be in raging and we said nothing and even supported the team at events as we knew the other girls. So, we were classy and did not sink into the gutter and it worked well.</p>

<p>It was not as fun to complain about boring provable things, but those were the items that could empower the school to deal with this coach. I wish there were a format wherein a coach like this could have been counseled on technique, he seemed to be a nice guy, he knew the sport, but he was not good for the girls emotions and we all know how emotional things get for a group of 16 year old girls!</p>

<p>BTW- D2 is now a senior, she played a sport for the first 3 years, but has not had fun with the team dynamic. Had she pursued it she could have likely been a captain and repeated at a national award level, but it was not pleasing her so she is not playing this year…we will see what happens with med school apps, the accolades would have been nice, but it would not have been a positive experience and that is what it is all about…not having items to fill in the boxes, but who those experiences have shaped one to be- are you a cookie cutter grade grubber, automaton or are you pursuing your interests and becoming a more interesting person??</p>

36

<p>S quit band after 2 years so he could take the AP’s he wanted which conflicted with the class, he dropped soccer after 2 years to run cross-country instead, and quit NHS after the first year because it annoyed him. He went into greater depth with his job rather than do the community service required for NHS. He did just fine with admissions. But in that case (and it seems most cases cited above), the student chose to pursue an existing interest more in depth, he tried something new after quitting, and/or the student already had a lot on his plate and so the dropped activity was superfluous. My friend’s D is sick of band too and would like to drop it senior year, but that is her only real EC. I would not recommend dropping band in a case like that. It sounds like the OP’s S has other EC’s, so it’s not likely to be a problem.</p>

37

<p>Thanks everyone for your helpful responses. I am going to broach the subject of quitting band with S this weekend on a college visit trip. He has alluded to me lately a few times that he may quit band next year; I think he needs to talk through this. I want him to be able to make a thoughtful, informed decision, but not to feel that he is obligated to participate if that’s not the right decision for him. He always has a great sense of obligation to finish what he starts, but clearly he also needs to balance that with what is right for him. Some thoughts…</p>

<p>orchestramom: “Band should absolutely NOT be a priority at the expense of senior year college apps, visits, test, etc. And shame on any high school for allowing it.”</p>

<p>This is what worries me most. Fall is heavy time for both college apps, visits, etc. and for marching band. No flexibility on part of directors. I will put my foot down, but retribution in grades is my experience with older S. The proverbial rock and a hard place.</p>

<p>CountingDown: “I would suggest to my S that he take advantage of the leadership role to advocate changes that will improve his situation, as well as everyone else’s.” </p>

<p>This is exactly his plan. As captain of the drumline next year he feels it is his obligation to the rest of the drumline. It would be a great learning experience for him, although I would anticipate lots of conflict and resistance from the director. Still, a great learning experience for sure.</p>

<p>Northstarmom: “Even better: Use the free time to pursue some interests that he hasn’t had time to delve into before. Senior year is fun. Encourage him to enjoy it.”</p>

<p>Agreed. That would be the upside to not continuing with band. He has just hit his stride socially and leadership wise this year and I think will really blossom as a senior next year. Would be free to pursue activities that he hasn’t been able to enjoy the past 3 years.</p>

<p>Lafalum84: “…especially if for him this feels like a moral or ethical decision, or a way to make a statement to the band director that his unreasonableness can no longer be tolerated.” </p>

<p>After a solo competition the director was ‘pointing out’ to everyone that only one student had not achieved the highest rating possible. My S ‘loudly’ told the boy that he thought he had done a great job and had done his best. I asked my S if the director got mad at him for doing so; he said he didn’t care and that he stands up for people who are being bullied, even if the bully is a teacher. Good for him. Shame on the teacher.</p>

<p>PackMom: “Senior year should be fun.”</p>

<p>I couldn’t agree with you more. He definitely needs to believe he will have fun or it is not worth doing.</p>

<p>JHS: “…might wait a couple months to tell the band directors where they can stick their baton…” </p>

<p>made me laugh :)</p>

<p>Batllo: “You’re free from the tyranny of Band! Enjoy life!”</p>

<p>Well said!</p>

<p>I will update after the weekend and conversation with my S. Thanks everyone!</p>

38

<p>My 10th grade daughter has decided “not to continue” Band next year. A friend of hers corrected her when she said “quit” reminding D that she completed the full year and was choosing not to commit to another year. We need to give our kids the same options we give ourselves - try things, learn, contribute, fulfill commitments, and move on when it’s time.</p>

<p>D is opening room in her schedule for continuing French, which she has enjoyed tremendously. She has other long-term activities. I’m not sure how this will play out with colleges, but we will let the chips fall where they may. I’m trying to keep in mind and project that college isn’t the ultimate goal, but rather one of many seasons leading, hopefully, to a full and satisfying life.</p>

<p>Incidentally, my 12th grade son did not continue Band after 11th grade to make room for AP’s in his schedule. He has quite a few other neat activities plus a part-time job in which he takes great pride. We’d always expected him to attend our state’s flagship university, but he discovered and fell in love with a very selective, far-away college the summer before 12th. The only adjustment he made to become competitive for admission was to add a third year of Spanish (which he detests), so it’s not to say that kids should never do things they don’t enjoy. He was happily accepted ED, though he’s asked me to start a thread asking what he should do about his college’s language requirement - suffer through more Spanish or start fresh and completely unknowledable with a different language?</p>

<p>Hope this helps.</p>

39

<p>I didn’t read through all the threads… but… </p>

<p>Son played football, basketball and Lacrosse all four years of HS. He was voted captain of both football and lacrosse. Basketball’s roster is swelling and son who liked basketball but didn’t love it felt there were other kids who did. He tried out for a school play instead of playing basketball. It wasn’t nearly the time requirement but he came out of the semester with straight A’s, something that had always been just a - or b+ away. I honestly believe it was his decision to take a risk and do something totally different and outside his “box” so to speak that got him into college as it made a great essay. He didn’t do it for that reason and I admit I was concerned how it might look, but it was a life changing move. </p>

<p>He is headed to a college where only one other student from his school is attending and while he will still get to play sports, he will also have the opportunity to redefine himself based on nothing more than his passions instead of friends who already think they have him defined.</p>

40

<p>There are only 2 instances in which I think he might want to stay in band: 1) If he wants to pursue band into college, and/or thinks music is his future. 2) If all his friends are in it, he may miss the social connection.</p>

<p>If these are not relevant, then he could certainly quit. My D quit a noteworthy activity after junior year and not one interviewer asked her why. (She was accepted to all but one of her schools and got into her first choice.) She too was tired of the time-consuming commitment, and had other things going on. The only thing she missed was the social part…i.e. when they went out after a club event, etc. She kept the friends, but wasn’t included in the activity-only type things…</p>