Does it makes sense to consider boarding school?

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

<p>DD is currently in 7th grade, and has gotten a postcard inviting her to apply for the Caroline Bradley scholarship, which would cover day tuition. None of the local private day schools are good fits for her, so an interest in boarding would be the only reason to apply. I have no reason to think she would have an especially high chance of getting the scholarship, but I believe she meets the application criteria.</p>

<p>Pros to current situation / cons to boarding:
- I would need to get the other parent to agree. I'm the school parent, so the issue is "hasn't been researched and discussed," rather than "there is opposition."
- Fostering a sufficient interest in boarding school to get her to turn in a good application is likely to result in an interest in boarding in general, and there is likely not enough parental enthusiasm that we would be cheerful about paying school-defined need. (The chance of being rejected due to need is not a con; having to say "we got your hopes up then decided we didn't choose to afford it" is. NPCs will let us nix potential colleges due to unaffordability before DD has her heart set on them, but I have absolutely no idea what to expect at the high school level.)
- DD is very young for grade due to an earlier skip, and would be barely 13 at the beginning of 9th. There would be much more parental enthusiasm if she were turning 15 soon after the beginning of 9th. No one would be on board with a repeated year, and that option would not be compatible with the scholarship in any case.
- DD is in a good social situation at her current school, and I anticipate that will improve, rather than deteriorate, for high school.
- DD's current school district is a reasonably good one, and not a horrible academic fit. (Elementary was a horrible academic fit for her, with the skip improving her social situation in the long run, but only improving the academic fit in the short run. Middle school has been better.)
- Current school has a very reasonable homework load. DD is smart, but not super-speedy, and tends to spend more time on some assignments than other kids with comparable academic performance.
- She has historically not done well away from home, although we've mostly identified the reasons behind that and they are less likely to be an issue at school.
- Assuming past performance has some predictive ability, there is a decent chance she would be a NMSF in our state, which has a low cutoff, and a decent chance she would not make a higher cutoff.
- Same assumptions, she has a better than average chance at one lottery college with generous aid, and her chances would be higher with the geographic diversity of staying home. I personally do not think it will be her first choice, but you never know. We can afford 4 years of boarding + 4 years of generous college. We can afford 4 years of public school + 4 years of less-generous college. We can afford 4 years of just the boarding cost (so assuming she got the tuition scholarship) + 4 years of less-generous college. We cannot afford 4 years of boarding + 4 years of less-generous college. Because she does better as a small fish in a big pond, it's less likely that she'll be interested in guaranteed merit schools, but you never know. There is no amount of maturity that would give a 12-13yo the wisdom to know which choice would be better.
- I am the travel parent, and I have a very seasonal job that allows zero time off during fall and spring breaks. We would not be able to visit her at school much. DD is comfortable and experienced traveling alone.
- We are fairly well off (probably top 25%, but not much higher) compared to her current classmates. To the extent she cares about having nice stuff, she is not noticeable for her lack of nice stuff. She can invite classmates to do fun things that they otherwise would not get to do. At private school, she would be one of the kids without money for extra stuff. (One of the local day schools would not be a good fit because of issues with the full-pay kids bullying scholarship kids.)
- We're looking forward to her going to college at 17, but have no particular desire to have her out of the house before then. Likewise, she's looking forward to going away for college, but is in no hurry to leave her parents now.
- DD has some minor ongoing medical issues, and a good relationship with medical providers local to us. It's possible that scheduling appointments for school breaks would be sufficient.</p>

<p>Pros to boarding / cons to current situation:
- DD's current school is not a great academic fit for her. Even in the fastest-paced classes, the amount of review is more than she needs to learn the material. Her weaknesses get minimal opportunity for improvement, because her overall level of performance is high. School is easy for her, and her eyes light up at the thought of moving fast and working hard.
- Her current school sees school being easy for her as a feature, not a bug.
- She has always done better in situations where she was the weakest kid in the group, working hard to catch up, so long as it's been within her abilities to catch up by hard work. DD effortlessly near the top expends no unnecessary effort.
- She gets her challenge from overloading on extracurriculars, but because we live far from everything, she spends a lot of time in the car, with minimal time to hang out with friends outside of school. (She has maybe 10-15 hours a week of scheduled activities, but is out of the house for 25+ hours due to travel.) Heavier school load would be offset by everything being on campus. For various reasons, not having to spend 25 hours a week driving her all over creation is unlikely to increase our household income, but it might.
- She is a fish out of water where we live (PM me if you think the details would be relevant; they're somewhat identifying). She has several close friends, but she hasn't really found her people, and might not until she leaves the area we live in.
- Fish out of water details regarding religion make all but one of the reputable private schools local to us unsuitable; the last one we know from discussions with current parents would not be a good fit. Neighboring public school districts rarely-to-never accept transfers, and those that do have similar issues as the current district.</p>

<p>Given all of that, does it make sense to seriously consider boarding school as an option? Are there any cons that are generally deal-breakers? Is there anything else that we should be thinking about?</p>

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<p>Honestly? It sounds to me as if your DD is thriving at home at present. Looking at a few of your posts on other forums, it looks as if it’s unlikely you’re within three hours of a boarding school? So your daughter would give up living at home, a chance at qualifying for National Merit, a good chance of being at the top of her high school class, and her current friends and extracurriculars, for a relatively unknown setting.</p>

<p>There is a “just-right” level for every kid. There is also the potential to make high school grueling. Some kids want that challenge, but it has to be child-driven, in my opinion. </p>

<p>I’d recommend you seek out some parents of academically successful high school juniors and seniors in your town. Ask them if the work kicked up a notch or two in high school. Many American school systems are very focused on social factors in middle school, so the work level in middle school may not translate to her work level in high school. Also, for many high school kids, there are many extracurricular activities available at school. If she joins the chess club, student government, and the math team, can she get to and from school without your driving her? </p>

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<p>Thanks! Yes, we’re 6 hours by plane or 2-3 days by car from either coast, so travel logistics would make it a big commitment to a nearly-complete unknown. </p>

<p>DD is still at the developmental stage where she prefers her challenges spoon-fed, if that makes sense. She changed swim teams this year, from a team where she could spend most of practice hanging out and chatting with her friends, to one where she spends the entire practice working. And while she was strongly in favor of the switch after a trial week with the new team, specifically because she liked the higher expectations, she hadn’t been complaining at all about pool time being social time! She’s happy when a teacher requires a particularly challenging assignment, but she’s mostly uninterested in optional challenges. She is very much the kid who, if 89.6% and 103% look identical on report cards and transcripts (which they do in our school), and she’s still somewhere in that range, whatever she chose to do or not do was good enough. Her favorite activity is being individually tutored in music theory, and her teacher is getting ready to start AP/college level work with her because DD wants more, so it’s not that she minds a challenge; she minds being challenged while other people are getting away with less.</p>

<p>I suspect the work will be harder in high school, but not enough harder. Every parent I’ve talked to has gone out of their way to assure me that the work isn’t too hard, and the pace isn’t too fast, and the expectations aren’t too high. The kids who are highest-performing (and our district is big enough that there are multiple kids in her grade and possibly at her middle school who are ahead of her in one or more areas) are afterschooled or take summer classes, which would just compound the “bored during school, not enough downtime out of school” issue. </p>

<p>Her middle school offers all the extracurriculars you mentioned, and she has zero interest in them! She has two sports (one not offered at school; one would take up an elective period and electives are her favorite classes) and two music activities (theory + private lessons on two instruments) in addition to school music, plus some one-off things. </p>

<p>I think her ideal scenario would be one-on-one tutoring (not from me - we tried that, and it was an unmitigated failure - and the local homeschool group has more religious-related issues than day school would) plus mostly-unsupervised downtime with friends every day, but the logistics of that are more awful to contemplate than having her gone for months on end would be. </p>

<p>There’s just no perfect, alas! I’m still not sure what the least-worst alternative is, but your comments were helpful. :smile: </p>

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<p>This is all, ultimately, a very subjective and individual choice, but have to say as another Midwest parent, I wouldn’t have suggested boarding school to my son if he’d had the kinds of stuff your daughter has: good ec’s, good social setting, decent school system, etc. I hear what you’re saying about the meh academic setting–but the teacher who is willing to start AP level work with a middle schooler suggests that there’s good stuff going on there as well. There are other ways to enrich high school–my second son, for example, was an exchange student and is now happily finishing out high school as a dual enrolled student at our local college. </p>

<p>Boarding school was incredibly rewarding for my first son on all sorts of levels. But the cost (travel is a significant cost for bs parents from the Midwest and should be part of your consideration) and the wrench of that early flight from the nest, especially for an already young 9th grader? Not worth it primarily for more challenge IMO–academic challenge can be found in many places. </p>

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<p>I agree with realitycheck that attention to writing is one of the big differences between my son’s boarding school and our local public school. That said, I was pleasantly surprised to find son number 2 writing constantly in his community college classes–last semester alone, he wrote more than a dozen essays in addition to full-on biology labs. </p>

<p>And I agree too that boarding school doesn’t mean losing connection with your child. Having done it both ways, I’d say my connection to both kids is equally rich. The richness of my relationship with my teens has had less to do with where they were and more to do with giving them the freedom to follow their own paths and passions, no matter how much they diverge from my own dreams for them (This can be hard!!). </p>

<p>It’s fantastic that realitycheck’s child is attending Andover on a full scholarship. However, the financial sacrifice should not be underestimated for the majority of us whose children get generous but not full scholarships or who foot the entire bill–but not easily. Read some of the rice and beans threads for some insight into the way that tuition, travel, and other expenses will affect your day-to-day budget. </p>

<p>So the bottom line here is, how does your daughter feel about all of this? My main advice would be to follow her lead; introduce the idea and see how she likes it. If she’s truly excited and interested, keep exploring, but know that boarding school has its own set of challenges and difficulties along with its many benefits and gifts, and it is decidedly not for every teen, no matter how talented. For us, it was decidedly worth it–but it wasn’t so much a matter of enrichment as saving him from drowning. </p>

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<p>Two more cents: If your daughter is begging for it (or begs for it after she learns it is an option), it’s definitely worth considering. If you’re the one pushing it, it could feel to her as though you want to send her away. There are other ways to enrich a high school education, particularly one that is already pretty good. </p>

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<p>My son is in boarding school and it has worked out really well for him. That said, it has been incredibly difficult for me, his mom. I miss him so much all the time. It has also been incredibly expensive (even more expensive than I anticipated since I’ve made extra trips just to see him!), to the point where we are now unable to afford college. We did it because we felt without a doubt that it was was necessary and was the very best thing for him at the time, and I stand by that decision. But it is not something to take lightly. If she is doing well, I would not rock the boat, simply for the chance at something better academically. Some kids end up hating boarding school, and I can’t blame them…being away from family is really tough at this age. It’s hard on my son and he’s nearly 18! So think long and hard before jumping at this! Good luck. :)</p>

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classicalmama writes, “If she’s truly excited and interested, keep exploring, but know that boarding school has its own set of challenges and difficulties along with its many benefits and gifts, and it is decidedly not for every teen, no matter how talented.”

As a parent exploring boarding school for the first time, it would be helpful to hear about the challenges and difficulties from parents with experience. The opportunities are appealing, but would also love to hear about the other side to this.

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@oak2maple: The downsides to BS have been discussed at length on this site. Searching “downsides to boarding school” will give you a nice list to start with, but here are some classics:

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1406178-families-entering-the-bs-world-with-eyes-open-know-the-down-side-p1.html

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1668752-i-never-would-have-imagined-4-months-ago-our-child-chose-to-leave-boarding-school.html

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1159249-drawbacks-to-boarding-prep-school.html

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For us, cost has certainly been the top downside. We live on the left side of the country. With travel, spring training trips, and a host of other things outside the tuition+room&board list price, Choate has cost us closer to $60K/year than the expected $50K/year. YMMV.

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@realitycheck2014‌
Just wondering, but what did your son get on the sat?

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Allyphoe, I think you should discuss this with your spouse. In your situation, I think I would opt not to jump into boarding. It sounds as if your daughter will be in a better position at the end of high school if she stays with you. Being the weakest kid in the group might be best for her from a purely developmental standpoint, but it would be unlikely to place her in an appropriate college. You would run the risk of her gifts being underweighted by colleges, given her standing in class. The boarding schools generally don’t provide class rank to colleges, but the colleges do apparently compare students to their classmates.

Are there any options in your area for cross-registration at local colleges? That would provide her with academic challenge, but allow her and you to set up a system in which she can seek out as much challenge as she can handle, given her other commitments. Boarding schools are challenging, but unlike living at home the day is very structured. There are not large blocks of time students could use to catch up or to get ahead of classmates by working harder. Spending all free time on academics is a losing strategy, as colleges expect students to have extracurriculars and social involvement in their boarding community.