<p>Hey guys!
I need a little help on the admission essay from CU Boulder, feel free to criticise!!!!!
Im from Germany so my english is FAR from flawless, but I really want to attend an american school. Im scared this essay sucks really bad... I have a few more because I couldnt decide which one to send in... Thank you so much! Heres the prompt:</p>
<p>Essay A (required, 250 to 650 words).
The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic and helps you
distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want the readers of your application to know about you
apart from courses, grades, and test scores?Choose the option below that best helps you answer that
question and write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your
response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don't
feel obligated to do so. (The application won't accept a response shorter than 250 words.)
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe
their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your
story</p>
<p>I feel my heart pounding against my chest as if it would burst into a million pieces. I am holding my breath, trying to stretch my torso a little bit more, tightening my abs and positioning my arms. Any minute now the curtain will rise and I will have to give my best. Despite my fluttering nerves I enjoy the thrill of being on stage. As the spotlights come on my feet start carrying me across the platform, my agitation making it impossible for me to feel the strain. The music guides me through the performance like an invisible hand, accentuating my almost automatic movements. As it comes to a halt I finish my act, trying to seize control of my wavering hands. You did better yesterday. Your arms were not coordinated with your head movements. Your feet were sloppy and there were moments when you completely disregarded the music. My teacher looks at me with his unkempt hair he always has shortly before a big performance. Today was the final rehearsal for the nutcracker and you could noticeably sense the tension lingering around. It wasnt bad, you do not lack of gracefulness but still it seems like something is holding you back! You yourself are the only obstacle that has to be overcome. I wouldnt have given you this role if I didnt believe in you. I know Ballet is hard, even the best dancers dont achieve perfection! Its about your radiance, your stage presentation that draws people in, not your flawlessness. You have to dance with your heart and soul, do you understand? I nod my head. Good. Again!
For 5 years Dance has been a constant companion of my every-day life. Cooperating dance and school with each other was a hurdle but the experience I have gained by taking advantage of
. outside of school was worth the effort. I remember my initial reluctance towards the pink ruffle wonderland just to eventually find out that it was nothing of the sort. With 14 I finally discovered my passion for dance, all too often regretting not listening to my mother who wanted me to start ballet back when I was 5 years old. But, as it is well known, children do not like adjusting to the wishes of their educators as a result I had to cope with some of my physical constraints, such as limited hip turnout, weak feet and at that time, poor flexibility, at an older age. During other girls in my class were practicing double pirouettes I was still working on building up the essential muscle for basic ballet movements, which you usually get taught your first year of dancing preventing you from excessive strain or even injury. I would have had the time to do so, the difference was that my teacher saw potential in me and placed me in an intensive class for young, aspiring dancers when I turned 16. Since then I have been dancing wholehearted 5 times a week up to 3 hours a day. To me dancing is not just getting your recommended amount of exercise in a week but a way of expressing your emotions through an art form just like painting, singing or writing. My teacher was a great inspiration to me since he believed that even the smallest movement, if executed by heart rather than plain obligation would affect so many more than a technical impeccable, 3 hour enduring but numb performance. Through dance I was able to
with different fields that will be of significance in my later life time such as respect towards our teachers, discipline in the manner of showing up to class and working on improving yourself daily, and teamwork as my group, that consisted of 5 girls and 2 boys, always had to pull together. Dancing the sugarplum fairy this past winter was an amazing opportunity for me. I worked with incredible people that have taught me so much more than any book could ever teach but especially I learned to confide in myself and what I want not just in dance but also in life.</p>
<p>(I am going to shorten it and im going to go over it several times before sending it off!)</p>