Does this line grammatically work?

College Essays
1

<p>This is the line
Im more concerned of the second part of it.</p>

<p>I may not become the next Jim Calhoun, but I do have a fun time trying- winning will never be everything, but wanting to win already it is.</p>

2

<p>I may not become the next Jim Calhoun, but I do have a fun time trying- winning will never be everything, but wanting to win already it is. </p>

<p>I may not become the next Jim Calhoun, but I do have a fun time trying- winning will never be anything, that’s because simply wanting to win already is. </p>

<p>did you have a chance to read over my essay? or should i send it again?</p>

3

<p>How about a semi-colon instead of the dash?</p>

4

<p>MD - thanks I just noticed that as well.
Smiley - Thanks also. Ill take a look after writing my Penn supplement; you keep switching your essays- how about choosing a concrete theme of your essay and then sending it to me so I don’t have to edit something you won’t use.</p>