<p>Just looking for a quick sense of things from CC parents, as I have no experience in this area:</p>
<p>We have very recently begun co-fostering a couple of girls who cannot live with their parents right now, though their legal relationship with the parents will not be severed. The older girl is a hs senior who has a job but uses most of her money to help the dysfunctional adults in her life meet their financial obligations. While I understand and am supportive of her compassion and her sense of obligation, I have suggested that she needs to start saving some of her earnings for her own needs next fall. She says, "No worries. I'll get full financial aid."</p>
<p>She is a very low income, reasonably high stat URM--Questbridge finalist who didn't get matched to Columbia. Has applied to 20 schools as she understands that she needs the best possible financial aid package. Columbia, Barnard, and CMU are top choices.</p>
<p>Even if she gets into one of the wealthy schools that take good care of their low income students, wouldn't she need to have some spending money saved? And if she ends up with a "meets full need...with work study + student contribution + loans" kind of school, wouldn't those $$ be even more important? </p>
<p>Poor kid. She should not have to bear the burden of the adults’ issues. It isn’t her fault that they can’t deal with their financial obligations.</p>
<p>I guess that is what I would emphasize to her . . . that it isn’t her fault that the adults in her life have whatever problems they might have and that she needs to put her own needs ahead of theirs, at least some of the time. She may feel that would “be selfish” of her, but it’s not really being selfish . . . It’s taking care of her future.</p>
<p>Thank you, Naturally. I agree with everything you’re saying. We have had that conversation with her – about building a future so that she can help her family more effectively in the long run & help take care of her little sister. Also have talked about “enabling.”</p>
<p>But I can’t really speak with authority about her cash needs at college. I know that we felt our D should plan on saving a couple hundred dollars/month for just personal expenditures (some clothes, toiletries, entertainment) over and above tuition/room/board/books.</p>
<p>Is it realistic to think that even full financial aid would provide enough money to cover these incidental expenses?</p>
<p>No, they won’t cover incidentals most likely. She will get room, board and tuition if she can get a full ride. She’ll be on her own for travel or other personal expenses. She would probably need around $100 a month. She might be able to get an on-campus job to help out with her expenses, but maybe not the first semester or so. If she knew this, maybe she’d be more willing to save for her needs. Books are often not covered, either.
But she actually won’t know how much she’ll have until she sees the offers.</p>
<p>Even kids who go to real “full need” schools need money for incidentals - clothes, pizza with friends, etc. </p>
<p>My nephew’s roommate is going to Vandy on full-need scholarship. The roomie often complains that he doesn’t have money for this or that.</p>
<p>I would explain to her that full-need aid isn’t going to cover the incidentals that she’ll need/want in college. She’ll have friends who’ll be able to do many things and go places that she won’t be able to because she didn’t set aside any pocket money for herself. </p>
<p>Does she even have a proper wardrobe for the climate that she’ll be going to? How about school clothes?</p>
<p>She needs to understand that these adults are going to have to “go it alone” anyway when she’s in college, so they might as well get used to it now. Right?</p>
<p>Remind her that part of going to college is taking advantage of opportunities that sometimes cost extra: The internship that doesn’t pay well instead of a better paying but less professionally advantageous job, the study abroad opportunity, the chance to visit a new friend’s home in another part of the country - as well as the opportunity to help a sibling and visit home.</p>
<p>She sounds like a very responsible person, by the way, and it’s really generous of you to take her in and try to provide some guidence.</p>
<p>I’m in the exact same situation as the girl in your post (well, better in some ways and worse in others). Does she plan to get a job on campus? I sure as heck do.</p>
<p>Tell her what my mother told me: Every girl needs some “mad” money. This is the money that you have stashed away in case your boss/boyfriend/dean is a jerk and you get mad and you need to stomp out and start over. </p>
<p>It’s also in hand if you fall madly in love . . . with a guy, with a handbag, with a puppy, with an opportunity to travel. </p>
<p>Tell her about “Lily” a woman I met in Texas when I was a teen. Lily was sagging at that point but she had wonderful tales about getting through checkpoints in occupied France. Sometimes she could get across by flashing some great legs – but other times she needed jewelry or cash. </p>
<p>Life is uncertain. She knows this already. It is not foolish or selfish to have some dollars squirreled away for unexpected expenses. Won’t she feel foolish if she has to let the opportunity of a lifetime slip away because she doesn’t have cab fare?</p>
<p>Take her to the Bed, Bath & Beyond website and have her fill up an imaginary cart of the things she would like for her new dorm room. Even just the very basic things will add up to quite a bit. Hopefully it will at least get her thinking about saving something. You might also go on airline websites, and show her how much airline tickets are to some of her potential schools and point out how many RT tickets she would need each year. Does she have a cell phone, and if so how is she going to pay that monthly bill?</p>
<p>My DD was a QB Match a couple of years ago and a Gates Scholar. She has great FA and gets a nice lump sum each semester from Gates that is to replace work study, and even with that has to watch everything she spends. I agree she is going to be in for a shock when she realizes how much all the little “extras” really add up to.</p>
<p>What an amazing young woman! Maybe if you ask her to set aside 15% or so of her pay checks for her college expenses she would we willing to do so. Even that amount over the next 6 or so months can add up to a nice bit of spending money plus she can get a job on campus to continue to fund her “mad money” stash.</p>
<p>Take her to the Bed, Bath & Beyond website and have her fill up an imaginary cart of the things she would like for her new dorm room. Even just the very basic things will add up to quite a bit.</p>
<p>What a great idea…take a pad of paper and calculator along and add everything up.</p>
<p>Also, if she’ll be needing any school clothes, have her go “shopping” for those things, too.</p>
<p>If she’s a foster child, does she have a social worker? Can you discuss this with the social worker and have that person back up your issues? I’m not even sure that the worker would support her giving money to the adults in her life.</p>
<p>Certainly there must be people supporting this foster child who might be able to help you convince her of her needs.</p>
<p>Although logically I KNOW she will need money to set up the dorm and incidentals, I disagree that she should cut off the adults. I assume the “adults” are parents and she may NEED them on her good side to get FA forms completed.</p>
<p>The dynamics in this situation may be very delicate.</p>
<p>I definitely would have her do the BBB dorm set up - those costs are very high and some items cannot be avoided.</p>
<p>If she’s willing, ROTC is always an option. One of my good friends in college wasn’t able to afford the school, but he got a full ride plus a monthly stipend for being in the program. I know he really enjoyed the program and hasn’t regretted it since joining the military.</p>
<p>And, since she’s interested in CMU, he was in the NROTC program there.</p>
<p>Wow! What a sweet girl. I’m glad she has kept up her grades and I like to think that she will be getting a full ride to a fine school. Maybe she can break the cycle of dysfunction that is her birth family. Thank you for being a foster parent.</p>
<p>I come at this from a slightly different point of view. Having spending money when she gets to college doesn’t concern me that much because once she realizes she needs some money, and $100 a month sounds about right to me, she can get a campus job.</p>
<p>What really makes me incensed is to think of grownups taking money from a teenager rather than getting off their fat asses and working themselves. What your foster daughter doesn’t realize is that it will never end. They will suck off of her as long as they can. No matter how much she gives them they’ll spend it on silly things and just want more. I’ve seen this in more than once and it has always ends up being the same story.</p>
<p>This is a remarkable young woman, but I agree with Olymom and historymom.</p>
<p>The best thing she can do to help her family is to make sure she succeeds at college. Since she does not yet know where she will be going and what she will be getting for financial aid and what her financial needs will be, it’s important for her to put aside some money to cover any incidental/unexpected/ancillary expenses related to going to college. Encourage her to save 50 percent of her earnings for that purpose, with the assurance that if she ends up not needing those funds once she starts college, she can give the money to the adults in her family then. This way she will not be shortchanging her college plans or her family.</p>
<p>A lot of people are saying “she can get an on campus job”, but sometimes the FA package will INCLUDE a number of work-study hours as part of the deal. Therefore, that job money will go right into her tuition, not into her pocket. If she wants extra, she’ll have to work extra hours, and that may be an additional burden on top of hard classes, activities, etc.</p>
<p>I agree that if she doesn’t start saving, she’s going to miss out on some opportunities, whether it be a chance to go on a trip with a club or something as basic as needing a fan for a hot room or a little money for carry out or the vending machine when studying late at night during finals after the diner has closed.</p>
<p>I can’t advise she cuts the adults out completely without knowing the whole situation, but I do advise she begin to save a portion of her earnings for herself.</p>