Our “rule” was a three hour or less drive from our house, or a location within a hour of a relative or close friend.
We never thought this would be needed…but surprise…emergency surgery senior year made it a needed thing. Both relative and friend were able to be there. Even if I had gotten on the very first available flight…I would have missed the 6 a.m. next morning surgery. We were so grateful these others were there.
I did not limit my kid with medical conditions. However, she decided to go to a school an hour from home, because it was actually the best school for her. Good thing because I spent many on her floor. For grad school she is 3,000 miles away. The undergrad transition is hard enough, without having to worry about medical stuff, Rx’s, appointments let alone dealing with the conditions themselves. However, I still would not have limited her on this basis.
I think there are pluses and minuses. With us we just shied away from different coast simply do to time change. Harder to communicate on different schedules. Other than that, not much difference going a plane ride away up north or out west.
Pluses - Personally I like the fact that they are away (live in FL - one in NC and one in NY). We can’t just get there easily. Of course in an emergency we would drop what we’re doing. Knowing they have to deal with basically everything themselves makes them, I feel, more self sufficient. Obviously that could happen if they went locally too but it has to happen when they’re away. Good example - D had an ankle injury which required an xray. She went to campus health. Useless. Then she told us about it. Gave her a little guidance in terms of insurance but basically she had to find an urgentcare, get herself there, handle it. Was told she needed a boot but they didn’t have one. Had to go to another location, blah blah blah.
Minuses - cost of visiting. We like to see each kid each semester so that involves plane tix, car rental, hotel, etc. vs just hopping in the car and going for the day. We don’t have them come home during the semester other than Thanksgiving. They always find something to do fall / spring break.
Being in a different part of the country with a different climate is a good experience.
“Harder to communicate on different schedules.” This made me LOL. When my kids were in high school/college, they were (are) night owls. H & I are early birds. Their bed time was/is just about when I wake up. When older S went to St Andrews for a semester, we were finally on the SAME time schedule. It was nice getting texts at 7am.
(Now that older S has graduated and working a real job, he keeps normal hours like the rest of us old peeps.)
My parents drew a circle four hours from our house as a limit so they could make a day trip if necessary. My college was exactly four hours away. 
None of us kids got sick enough or in any kind of trouble that our parents needed to drop everything and come get us.
My daughter has a serious chronic illness so we told her that, until she, we, and her doctor feel she is in a better place with her health, she needed to go local. Luckily, our state’s flagship university is in our town. After a couple years, she can think about studying abroad or transferring or she can finish her degree and go wherever she wants after that. Or she may defer for a year and see how she’s doing than and go farther away.
2 D’s with no medical issues. Independence and ability to handle things on their own in life was our priority. No limits set on undergrad location. I honestly felt the limits their friends had for location (other than tuition cost at local U) was more a parent issue of not letting go.
No geographical limit placed on our S. I know some that did but I didn’t understand it much either with the exception of a long term significant medical issue involved.
S was seriously considering applying to St. Andrews before Covid struck. Am still sad about that possible missed opportunity that we would have likely visited prior to applying, etc.
My only hope was that he wouldn’t be in freezing cold state but I literally didn’t care where he applied. He knew that if he did end up being in a really cold state, that I would likely not visit at all (when winter, etc) and we both chuckled at that fact!! Not a huge deal. To me, go where you are happy and will thrive. It’s his life, not mine. His priorities over any of mine.
I do wish my kid was within a 2 or 3 hour drive, just because of all the difficulty with COVID this year. Would be nice to go there for a day trip.
When I went to school I was about a 10-hour drive and not near any airport (intentionally, wanted to get far away!). Couple times I was sorry I couldn’t go home during long weekend breaks. And I ended up having an emergency appendectomy that turned out to not be simple, and at the time I remember wishing I lived close enough to recover at home.
I guess that everybody’s own experience determines what they think is “normal”. My wife went to a high school that was a day’s train ride away from home, and she also immigrated to Israel on her own (though her family joined a few months later). I went to high schools with dorms within a couple of hours of home, but at 18 (and two weeks to be exact) I went to the military for three years.
In Israel and the ex-USSR, an 18 year old is considered an adult, whereas here they are considered to only be “semi-adults”, and that effects how a person thinks of how much they need their parents as college students
So, while D19 is my kid, and I constantly worry, I also tend to think of 18 year olds as being more adult than many people here do. They also have phones. For example, when my daughter needed to make her own doctor’s appointment for the first time, we walked her through the process over the phone. Now she does it on her own.
One of the reasons that I’m glad in many ways that she is 10 hours away by car is that we do not have the temptation to drive over and fix things for her every time. However, when she needs it, we will always be there to help her, and she knows it.
PS. in times of COVID, things are different, and the risk calculations have changed. Also, “maybe I’ll need to be there” has become “we’ll need to travel to campus at least four times this year if we don’t want them to increase risk of infection by flying or taking the train”. Many parents cannot spend two or three days doing this each time.
It’s funny, my oldest was 45 minutes away, the next 1 1/4 hours, the other 2 hours, and I only went to campus once, freshman drop off, and graduation for my oldest (no graduation for my 2020 grad). I have never called their colleges for any reason, and have never had access to any portal. Making their own appointments happens before 18. I prefer them being close so I can see them more often (every couple of months), but they were never told to stay close. I believe in preparing the child for the path and benign neglect.
Of course, “distance from home” could be a lot larger in the (ex-)USSR than it could be in Israel. 
There is NO comparison between the maturity level of Israeli teens and US teens. We’ve many times hosted Israeli scouts for the summer, or robotics competition kids, who were 16/17 years old, and they had the maturity of US 20/21 yr olds, without even having gone to the army yet! When they would try to “hang out” with high school juniors and seniors here in town, the difference in maturity was just vast.
My friend told me that beginning around age 15/16, it’s very common for Israeli teens to start taking trips around the country on their own, in small groups, by public bus. A US parent would think I was crazy if I even suggested that they should send 10th or 11th grade kids in small groups to travel by bus a few hours in a small group, to spend a few days in a city together a few hours away. Probably not even 12th grade kids. I’ll never forget a mother looking at me in astonishment when I suggested to her that she should encourage her 17 yr old son to take public transportation with a friend into the big city two hours away to just wander around the city together for a long day trip.
But sending your 17/18/19 yr old kid to live for most of the year, for four years, very far away, even if they are extremely independent, is just not a great idea. Horrible breakups happen, with ensuant profound depression. Terrible, ego-destroying blows can happen, when a kid is just in over his head, academically. Yes, they have to learn to deal with these setbacks, and they will. But when they need help, it’s a heck of a lot easier if you don’t have to fly with two plane changes to get there, not to mention the cost. And bad things happen, too. Accidents. Assaults. Physical health emergencies, aside from the afore-mentioned mental health emergencies. And these things can happen to even the strongest, most independent, self-reliant kids.
Sometimes the right choice for a specific kid because of their very specific needs, is 3000 miles away. Or even an ocean away. But to have them go that far, just to GET away? No way.
A generation or two ago, the US was far less of a “helicopter parent” society. Back then, kids in elementary school would walk on their own a mile to school and back home. Now, people think that the parents are neglecting their kids if they allow their kids to do that.
The only reason we limited our kids was based on cost. If they chose to go across the country the amount of FIN aid would have to offset the cost of the flights and we told them we couldn’t afford to have them come home frequently.
My sister lived at home during college and commuted. Right after college she got a job and moved 3,000 miles away to the Washington DC area. She was able to buy a house not long after college due to the money she saved by living at home.
We have some family friends who insisted their daughter go to college on the East Coast. They thought she had to go far away for college because they didn’t want her college experience to be a repeat of high school. Well right after college she moved back to her hometown and now lives right around the corner from her parents, none of her high school friends (who all stayed nearby for college) still live in the area. Nothing bad about this, but just saying you don’t HAVE to go far away for college, it’s only four years
I’m just saying you can still stay close by for college and be independent. My H stayed close to home for college and paid for everything…
One example is a difficult breakup. Having a parent show up to have dinner or a walk outside and chat can help quite a bit. Difficult breakups seem to happen at some point. Sometimes they happen at stressful periods, such as towards the end of the semester when exams are happening. Having some parent support can help.
A slight variation might be a difficult breakup when they are living together off campus. If need be the parents can show up with a small truck to “get the stuff” left behind.
We have had a few “need money in a hurry” situations. However, a wire transfer can happen quite quickly even across the country (the bank promised 48 hours, but it actually showed up within one hour), or if you plan sufficiently even to a friendly neighbouring country.
One big difference is that the flight involves planning. While I have indeed run into traffic and snow storms when attempting a 3.5 hour drive, it only stretches it out a bit rather than making it not happen.
Another difference is that if you drive, you can bring stuff in the car. If they want a bicycle, you can bring their bicycle (or electric keyboard, or guitar, or winter clothes, or …).
A generation or so ago, my H paid for all of his college costs by himself. He went to college nearby because that’s what he could afford. My sister lived at home during college, because that was affordable. I went far away because I got a good scholarship. If I hadn’t gotten the scholarship I probably would’ve lived at home and attended the state university.
Almost everyone I know who has gone far away for college (especially these days), is being subsidized by their parents or they got very good scholarships/fin aid. Encouraging kids to stay nearby isn’t always the result of “helicopter parenting.” All of this isn’t good or bad, it’s just not a black and white thing.
In truth, I when I went to school in OR, over 2500 miles away from home, I was happily getting away from a doomed romantic relationship and a school that wasn’t meeting my social needs. It was a bit of a stretch financially for our family but I got lots of merit and needs based aid to be able to afford it.
We live in the same town we grew up in, our kids walked to school starting in 2nd grade, by 10 or so they had the run of the town. By 14 they were taking public transportation to NYC and down the shore. When mu girls were 14 and 16 they had a multi day dance competition in Philadelphia (they went for years). I had an emergency appendectomy, so they drove with another parent and stayed in the hotel room (other families were in neighboring rooms). Senior year my daughter and her friend flew a few states away for a dance competition for a few days. The world is much safer today than when I was growing up. Heck my 18 year old just flew home from Florida alone, she went to get her luggage and they evacuated the terminal. She was fine. The road to independence starts in high school.
That was the same with me. I got scholarships which enabled me to go farther away. My sister commuted to our local state school, but they had a wonderful teaching/credential program that was well regarded, so it was the best option for her. I was a little more undecided so the scholarship program worked out best for me
My D decided on a 4 hour limit by car. She wanted us to be able to come for lunch, take her shopping and make it back home the same day or come for concerts she was in. She is also very close to her grandparents, all 4 are still with us, and I know if one were to become ill, she would want to come see them.