Don't know if I can handle this... Should I just change my major?

College Majors Music Major
1

<p>I'm a sophomore in theory/comp and I'm currently struggling with depression that is slowly but surely being addressed. I'm about to start seeing a therapist and will be starting medication soon. As of now I'm struggling a lot, though. I have very little energy most days. I'm suicidal. I don't handle stress well, I go to bed at 5 o'clock some nights, and I feel completely overwhelmed with my current schedule even though the people around me are doing so much more. I know I can be so much better than this, I know I'm capable. But right now I'm sick and it's not going to get better overnight. </p>

<p>Next semester I'm going to need 8 courses to fill my 15 credit hours, which is the minimum for my scholarship. That's piano lessons, choir, music theory IV and the lab, intro to composition, some kind of history/humanities class, a science class, and some kind of elective like PE. </p>

<p>I don't think I can do it, and I can't think of a solution. Aside from the core classes, all of the classes I'm taking right now are absolutely vital, because if I don't take them now, I'm going to get behind. My scholarship is only renewable for 4 years and my parents want me to graduate as soon as possible. I don't see how I can do this and knowing how much my parents will be disappointed if I can't do it is only making me feel like more of a failure. </p>

<p>Do you have any advice? Am I better off changing my major? I love music, and I love music theory, and this is what I'm good at. But if I need to take a minimum of 8 classes just to get through one semester... I don't know if I can. </p>

2

<p>First off, hugs. you will get through this. I think you should ask for a referral at your uni’s student services right away to get a counsellor to help you through the decisions ahead of you, and to see if it’s possible to take a medical leave of absence until you feel more ready to assess your path.</p>

<p>If you are granted a medical leave of absence, it may be possible to pick right back up where you left off after treatment and retain your scholarship…but people working with your particular school will know best how to achieve that.</p>

<p>I would hate to see you discontinue a path you love, either by attrition/inaction or because your ability to make the best decisions is impaired right now by the depression. I don’t see how changing your major would resolve your issue, unless you uncover that this is not the path that fits you or from which you derive pleasure. But only time and treatment will help you determine that, and you deserve the space to work it out. Fight for that time and space.</p>

<p>Things seem overwhelming or impossible when you are depressed that often in fact are solvable, and the critical part is to heal yourself and get the treatment and community support you need to take a fresh view if the situation.</p>

<p>I understand that you are afraid of disappointing your parents, but as a parent myself, I will tell you two things I hope will help you. The first is that many parents sense deep down when a child is unhappy and secretly worry about it anyway, consciously or unconsciously. Telling them would be a relief and allow them to help you if they are able. Secondly, many parents are either not nearly as invested in outward “success” as they are in your happiness…and if they have some ideal of how they want/expect things to go for you, now is a good time to face the reality because relationships simply work better are are ultimately more supportive when they’re authentic :wink: And you can’t have an authentic relationship if your pretending things are okay when they’re not.</p>

<p>The third thing I want to share with you is that I went through something similar in my early 20s and very nearly did not survive. But the best thing that came of it was learning what my body needed, and my soul needed, to be happy. Through counseling, nutrition, and reaching out to develop more meaningful relationships in my environment, I was able to move forward and have a life that’s richly rewarding. I became very resilient, and learned some great strategies for not only coping, but really enjoying my present moments.</p>

<p>Depression is not a life sentence. While medication alone may help a deep patch, there are a million other things that will help as much, or in some cases more. Eg. Vitamin B and D if you’re deficient, especially B12. Morning exercise. Self-coaching. Communication strategies. The satisfaction of giving to others. Loving yourself, and loving others. Learn what you need to be happy, and create it in your life.</p>

<p>Do not let fear eat you. Reach out now to get guidance. Talk to your parents now to get their support. Don’t make any irrevocable decisions. If some things are decided for you, don’t worry…its all small potatoes in the greater scheme of things.</p>

<p>Trust me on this, and best wishes on your journey.</p>

3

<p>I am also a mom. I second what kmcmom said. Talk to your parents. I am sure that their primary concern is to have you alive and happy. Also talk to someone about a medical leave of absence. Maybe the four years don’t have to be contiguous. Your health is the most important thing right now, and I’m certain your parents would agree. <<hugs>></hugs></p>

4

<p>I’m so sorry that you are going through this painful time. I’m also glad that you’re getting help. I agree with the others–talk to your parents! A semester’s leave of absence is not unusual. Many students take a semester off for medical or other reasons. Your health is the most important thing. </p>

5

<p>I appreciate your input, I really do… But my parents don’t care as much as you think they do. I come from a very dysfunctional household. My mom has been emotionally (and on a few occasions, physically) abusive to everyone in my household for my entire life. My father enables her and sides with her on every issue. When I began missing a lot of school in high school due to some chronic health issues, I was often accused of being lazy, faking, overreacting, etc. despite having a 4.0. When I started having panic attacks as a kid my mother would send me away and lock her door, telling me I needed to figure out how to get through them on my own. My sister moved out and gave up acting to pursue a different career almost eight years ago, and to this day my mother still talks about what a disappointment she is. I’ve been hit, told that I’m hated, accused of being a bully, lied to, and told that I need to get over it because this is how “normal families” act. I’m sure you’re great parents, but mine aren’t like you. </p>

<p>For that reason, I also don’t feel safe going home. Being at school, away from all of the constant yelling and screaming and fighting and walking on eggshells, has been an incredible relief. Unfortunately it’s not enough to cure me, much as I wish it were. I’d definitely like to talk to the disabilities office about other accommodations, but I’m not sure what they can offer that would really help, and I still need an official diagnosis. I’m sorry to be so negative, I really appreciate your advice, but things at home are complicated. </p>

6

<p>I see. What a painful, difficult situation. The amount of help one can get in a situation like this varies drastically from institution to institution. Is there a trusted adviser or faculty member you can confide in?</p>

7

<p>I’ve been seeing a counselor at the health center. I haven’t explained my situation to him in detail or let him know just how serious this is, mostly out of fear that I’ll be hospitalized( even though I know they can’t do that unless I’m in immediate danger.) I guess I should do that. I’m afraid to talk about it though. </p>

8

<p>So sorry you are going through this. I understand the concerns about your family. I can relate to the dysfunction and living at home while going to college. I had depression and an eating disorder (lasting 16 years.) My parents knew and my father would make fun of me while my mother was in denial. I had to take care of myself, leave home and reach out even when I felt I couldn’t go on. Find help and support from healthy people and professionals. PLEASE PLEASE seek help at your university and/or the community. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing right now. I’m glad you posted and have received some really nice responses from some very supportive parents. We care.</p>

9

<p>I’m so sorry you’re having such a difficult time. Let me add my hugs and good wishes to all the others, and also my encouragement for you to allow yourself to get the help you need to get through this.</p>

<p>One possible solution (which might not work depending on the school, but which a counselor’s help it’s conceivable they could bend some rules for you) would be to take the general education classes over the summer. That way, you can focus on the music classes so you don’t get behind in your major, and it also has the advantage of making it impossible for you to go home over the summer.</p>

10

<p>I was in a similar situation in my 20’s in terms of not being comfortable going home, and understand. I am hoping you have a place to stay when you feel you cannot go home.</p>

<p>Medication will help a lot, as long as you get the right one. If you have a good psychiatrist, try to get a diagnosis letter. You need that in order to deal with the school and get the help you need.</p>

<p>Meet with a dean or someone like that, and tell them what you are going through. Also, and this is very important, meet with the disabilties office Every school is a bit different in how they deal with accommodations, but with a documented depression you can get

  1. a medical withdrawal without penalty (no F’s or W’s or other bad grades, the slate should be wiped clean). You may not want a leave but it should be available to you without any bad consequences.
  2. if you stay, you can probably get some incompletes and finish later (w/documentation), though core music classes and performance are hard to postpone
  3. if you stay/when you return, you can have a reduced courseload and financial aid or scholarships could be obligated to cover any extra time , since the extra time is related to a disability
  4. you should also be able to get a single room if you want and some other accommodations,such as extensions on papers, excused absences for appointments, possibly postponed exams, and, as I said, incompletes.</p>

<p>The most important points are to get help (meds and therapy) as you are doing, and you do NOT have to take 8 courses. Focus on the courses important in the sequence.</p>

<p>Gen ed classes and electives can often be taken in the summer but you should be able to take extra time to graduate without doing that, and still keep your scholarship if due to a medical problem, and depression qualifies. If you yourself don’t want to delay graduation, sit down with a dean or advisor when you are feeling better and plot out the best way to do things.</p>

11

<p>Your counselor can’t help you if you don’t give him/her all the information. And hospitalization shouldn’t be feared. Its a safe place where they can get your meds and depression under control fairly quickly if that is what is needed.</p>

<p>Also, I’m wondering if at the recommendation of your counselor if you can get your schedule modified (fewer classes) and still keep your scholarship if its medically necessary. And then do summer school for science. If cost is an issue, I’d try to find a cheap community college for your general electives. And of course everything she said up above.</p>

12

<p>Cana, comp mom and others have given great advice. Please keep us posted on how it goes. I’m sorry you don’t have more support at home – clearly they have their own issues to work through. That can all get sorted later. Just keep moving through it with the goal of creating a life you love. I promise it gets better.</p>

13

<p>Cana, all the other parents here have given really solid advice. </p>

<p>To theirs I add my best, most supportive wishes and would like to stress that reaching out really is important right now. Don’t make the mistake of not “letting it all hang out.” Share as much as you need to and as much as you can with those at your institution who are in a position to help. And please, do keep us posted. </p>

14

<p>Just wanted to update you all and let you know that I talked to the counselor today and told him what’s going on. He’s going to help me with getting documentation with the disability center, and I’m starting meds tomorrow. Just wanted to say thank you for all the support and kind words - thanks to you I felt confident enough to approach my doctor about it and get help. It might take a while for things to settle down, but this is a good start. </p>

15

<p>That’s excellent news, Cana. These steps you take now will not only ultimately help you in the short term, they will help you your whole life through. I am a stand that you have a great finish to you semester, whatever that looks like, and that you are relentless in getting exactly the right assistance and support you need to have a full life doing what you love. So I’m sending you the proverbial fairy dust with a dash of unstoppability ;)</p>

16

<p>Cana, please keep checking in with us to let us know how it is going. Even if we can only offer you moral support, we are here for you.</p>

17

<p>This is wonderful news and we know it took courage. Medication will help soon ( even a week or two): f you have the right one it can provide amazing help. And accomodations will help you too. I am so glad you have a counselor who understands. A lot of high achieving people suffer depression. Over time you will have ways to get ahead of it . Let us know how you do and good luck!</p>

18

<p>Cana, So glad you had the courage to seek help. You are on the right path. It may not always be easy but you know you have the strength now to reach out. Surround yourself with positive and healthy people.
I hope you know what a strong young lady you are. :slight_smile:
“Every great achievement was once considered impossible”</p>

19

<p>It is great you got help. I am wishing you all the best.</p>

20

<p>Hi there. I was just checking in for an update. How are things going, Cana?</p>