<p>I think that you might be worrying prematurely. None of the people that I'm really close to now are the ones that I was close to my first semester of my freshman year. During first semester, everyone was looking for friends, and I think that most people just sort of settled with the first people with whom they were reasonably compatible. After that, and after we got a little more confidence about college, then we could branch out a little more and find friends who actually have more in common with us.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I disagree with the person who said don't do any homework on Fridays. Do a bit between classes and finish it up in the early evening, leaving Saturday and Sunday open.
[/quote]
yeah, it was just a suggestion as something that i do...it all depends on your situation, what kind of classes you have to do, etc. i do a lot of my socializing on Friday night (maybe <em>gasp</em> Thursday :p) and Saturday ends up either being a slow day with nothing to do or going out into the city, etc.</p>
<p>Let me reiterate:</p>
<p>Grow a spine. Find a boyfriend. Problem solved.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
So apparently I'm going to be the one lone person that says been there, done that, didn't find any 'solutions'. I seriously think there is about a 6-week window at the very beginning of freshman year to make close friends, and if you don't have your little group by the end of that time, sucks for you. People already have their little groups and while they might be friendly to you, it's just because they're especially polite and outgoing, not because they're actually interested in making another friend...that's not necessary for them. Transferring won't help because you'll be in the same exact situation, just with people you've never met before.</p>
<p>I know plenty of people who are the acquaintance-y types of friends...they talk to you, invite you to do whatever they're doing if you happen to be present, but they certainly don't go looking for you or call you (or even have your phone number if they wanted to call you) or anything like that. And if all of a sudden, you're not in their classes or wherever it was you were seeing them anymore, they forget about you and never look back. It's the same thing with clubs...everyone joins with a friend or five and everyone forgets about the rest of the people in the club as soon as they leave the meetings, chatting with their group of friends.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>Sure a bit pessimistic and cynical but OMG I AM FEELIN THIS POST COMPLETELY~
Especially the part where they invite you if you happen to be present, otherwise they don't even think of you.
Hmph.</p>
<p>You're not the one lone person anymore, BlahDeBlah =)</p>
<p>Man, this OP just hit the nail on head for me. I'm experiencing the same thing you are: I joined the school's marching band and concert band (because I'm a band fanatic - I despise being called a band geek), mostly found acquaintances, and now I'm pledging a service fraternity (because I always wanted to do community service) and so far the pledging experience has been a let down. I don't have any "real" friends that I can hang out with on a daily basis, and its almost the end of my freshman year. The school I want to transfer to basically blows my current school apart in terms of school spirit, Academics with a capital A, and campus facilities. I'm really giving all I got at my current school and actually thought of not transferring because people say you can be successful at any school -right? Well, I don't know about that, but I'm nervous about my future transfer plans. Looking back to what I've done so far (traveling with the marching band and going to sectionals w/ my fraternity) has been fun, but it's not enough to keep me. Bloom where you're planted: not in my case.</p>
<p>In response to firewalker's post: yes grow a spine, be more courageous, and take the initiative. But you don't need a boyfriend to make you feel special.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Grow a spine. Find a boyfriend. Problem solved.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>What? Did the topic starter say that they wanted to deal with relationship problems as well as whatever ones they are currently having?</p>
<p>Phobos, it wasn't meant to be a point-by-point deconstruction, it's just the way I tend to form some of my longer posts, I find that it makes them easier to read and easier to type, with fewer errors.</p>
<p>In any event, I think that a lot of these differences in viewpoints about college stem from my being a commuter and your living on the dorms. So whereas you see the parties as something to do when you're bored, I see them as being no reason for me to stay at school, when I could be home. You make some good points about meeting hundreds of new people a semester though, I never thought of it like that.</p>
<p>Furthermore, if you'll read my first post, I started off by offering all of the common initial advice about what to do. Then, I decided to offer something different to the topicstarter. The phrase 'treat college like its your job' is something that I actually adapted from someone else on these boards, as a matter of fact. If the topicstarter has tried all of these actions before, and they haven't found success with them, then what good is telling them to 'go do it again', going to do? Nevertheless, I realize that some things deserve a second (and even a third try), which is why I offered my advice as to how I made friends in college before telling them alternative solutions as to how they can deal with their situation without having to transfer.</p>
<p>In my initial draft of that post, I mentioned MMORPGs, but then took that portion out...especially since I'm not currently actively involved in one at the moment.</p>
<p>
[quote]
college has a way of almost pushing people into social situations, whereas anywhere else there isn't that sense of necessity
[/quote]
</p>
<p>And some people (i.e., the "really shy [topicstarter] with quirky interests") might not like that, so instead of telling them to go go go into those uncomfortable situations again (which I'm kinda guilty of too, you know), I think it helps to offer some extra advice about how they can deal with their current situation with a bit of optimism added to it.</p>
<p>Speaking of the topicstarter, where is he/she (probably she) anyway?</p>
<p>I'm here. I posted, but it came up under someone else's username, so the post got deleted.</p>
<p>I go to Boston Univeristy. It's a fairly large school on the edge of Boston. I'm 1000 miles from home, so I'm not near anything or anyone I'm familiar with.</p>
<p>I never really thought of transferring - it was just something that had been suggested to me. My close friends at home have been bugging me to move back home and be with them, but I'd like to stick this through, and there aren't many colleges as good as BU where I'm from.</p>
<p>I wouldn't mind my quirky interests (I'm actually quite proud of them), but everywhere I've gone, most people have made fun of me for the things I'm passionate about. That or they're completely uninterested and bored (somewhat understandably) when talk about the things I enjoy. I guess that makes me hesitant to go out and just talk to people. It's not in my nature either. I've always been quiet around people I don't know, and it takes me a long time to open up to people, usually longer than most people are willing to wait before they dismiss me as being boring or lacking personality or something.</p>
<p>I'm not worried about making friends in the long run. I'm fairly certain (or hopeful) that I'll make some good friends eventually. It's just the short term that's painful, and I'm not too excited about the idea of going into sophomore year not really knowing anyone.</p>
<p>Anyways, I appreciate everyone helping me out, and I'll certainly try out some of these suggestions.</p>
<p>She doesn't need a boyfriend to feel special, but if she found one, I'm sure she would. As opposed to girlfriends.</p>
<p>firewalker you dont know crap. Telling this girl to submit to some horny guy in college will give her a false sense of confidence and will only break her more when he dumps her butt...or when the relationship ends in general.</p>
<p>To the OP, I definitely FEEL for you. To me, college is no different from High School. Go to classes, do HW, mean professors. The only difference I spy is that insults arent swung at your face. Oh no, they are said BEHIND YOUR BACK MORE OFTEN! To anyone who thinks getting involved in college is easy, you are insane!</p>
<p>To everyone who claims they have close friends in college, wake up! Dont sit there and tell me that you are as close to your college friends as the friends you had in high school or your friends back home. I bet you couldnt divulge some of the things about your life to these college friends. I think I share this same feeling with the OP. We want companions, not acquaintances. Do you guys catch my drift?</p>
<ol>
<li>She was desperate enough to make a thread about this.</li>
<li>When was it an absolute that girls can't have sex for the pleasures derived?</li>
<li>Either way she's going to have to learn what a failed relationship is like.</li>
</ol>
<p>wow....this sounds like something I could have written my freshman year....I was the ONLY freshman on my hall, have always been quiet and had trouble making friends and spent waaaay too much time holed up in my room moping over a boyfriend that didn't last. I absolutely hated college my freshman year and was seriously contemplating transferring so as to be anywhere but here. I'm a sophomore now and I absolutely love it....I've finally found a group of friends and become more active in campus activities. Try joining a club.....is there one for your major then you may even find a study buddy? Try out a new hobby....write for the school paper, take a dance class...these may be a little late for this year but there's always room to make a fresh start in the fall! But for now, maybe go watch your schools baseball team or some other spring sport you're interested in, play an intramural sport. If you don't like what those girls are doing maybe you could invite them to do something you enjoy and find a new activity for the 3 of you. Hope your year and the rest of college gets better! If you don't mind...where do you go to school?</p>
<p>Whatever you do, stay the hell away from MMORPGs (World of Warcraft), they seriously steal away your life. Video games would be the best as you could play them with other people in your dorm. If you must play computer games then I would suggest sticking to single player ones, or something like RTS or FPS games which you can basically devote only an hour at a time to and don't consume your life entirely.</p>
<p>I'm not a big fan of college myself, but that's mostly because I don't fit in with the stereotypical college lifestyle. Still, you can find an occasional bright spot here and there. Here are some of mine:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You can usually get access to a gym for free on a campus, and it's a great place to work off stress.</p></li>
<li><p>Every now and then you'll get a class/prof you really like so you will at least have that to look forward to.</p></li>
<li><p>Sometimes you'll run into an unlikely person on campus. Today I was walking to one of my classes and I saw a girl who I went to middle school with. We hadn't seen each other in almost seven years and it was great to reconnect with an old friend. Turns out she goes to my school as well (but has yet to be in one of my classes). The best part is she still had the same great personality I remembered from back in the day.</p></li>
<li><p>If you want to meet people I've found the best way is to take a class where the prof is big on groupwork. You'll find this a lot in elective classes. I'm taking one now where you get to stand up and act in front of everyone and I've gotten to know a few new people in that class due to the massive amounts of groupwork.</p></li>
<li><p>Don't let the sun go down on your high school. It's a valuable resource even as you progress deeper into your college career. You probably had a few teachers there who could still write a good letter of recommendation (especially if you stay in contact with them through church or something), probably had underclassman friends who you know are still there and you can hang out with when you go home, and probably talk to at least a few of your old friends you graduated with. These people know you the best so make sure you don't cut off communication with them--they can really come in to help if you're hurting.</p></li>
<li><p>If you're on an elevator with someone start up a random conversation. You never know what might come about.</p></li>
<li><p>I just saw the guy above me post something about video games. If you are going to play games I suggest you play stuff that you can invite your friends to join in with such as Madden or Mario Kart. Most people I know have at least a basic understanding of how to play those games. They're great for those rainy nights when you don't want to do anything but still want to be with people.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Firewalker, have you considered the fact that maybe she isn't a hedonist? So if she's having these serious problems, turning to sex to solve them wouldn't help, and would probably (as I'll state yet again) cause more problems (i.e.: pregnancy, STDs, etc.).</p>
<p>And why should she just recklessly throw herself to some guy for the sole purpose of clinging to him until he dumps her (or she dumps him), just to "learn what a failed relationship is like", then she'll feel even MORE hurt, probably post here looking for advice, and what will you say? "Grow a spine. Get another boyfriend. Problem solved." Do you see a somewhat endless cycle coming...?</p>
<p>1 word: booze</p>
<p>what do you mean by quirky interests?</p>
<p>shastarasta - Oh, I know plenty of people who have found closer friends in college than any they have found in high school. And the people who say this range from college freshmen to my parents age and older.</p>
<p>However, at the moment, I feel like blahdeblah, CrashBlair and somewhat like the OP. I have plenty of aquaintances. I am involved in several groups, and there are a ton of people I can talk to. And I have some friends...but they're more like really good acquaintances than good friends.</p>
<p>Very rarely do people invite me to things unless I happen to be there when they plan it. No one seems to mind having me hang out with them, but they just don't think of asking me to go with them. I make the effort sometimes, but it gets really tiring to be constantly trying to make friends so you're not all alone on Friday and Saturday nights.</p>
<p>I just hope it all works out. I know it can. I'm not <em>usually</em> overly pessimistic. But it hasn't yet, and that's hard sometimes.</p>
<p>So if she's having these serious problems, turning to sex to solve them wouldn't help, and would probably (as I'll state yet again) cause more problems (i.e.: pregnancy, STDs, etc.).</p>
<p>Safe sex doesn't exist.</p>
<p>And why should she just recklessly throw herself to some guy for the sole purpose of clinging to him until he dumps her (or she dumps him), just to "learn what a failed relationship is like", then she'll feel even MORE hurt, probably post here looking for advice, and what will you say? "Grow a spine. Get another boyfriend. Problem solved." Do you see a somewhat endless cycle coming...?</p>
<p>What she needs is companionship, and feigned or not, she'll find it in a boyfriend. I mean, she's desperate enough to make a thread on a college forum about it. Go figure.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Safe sex doesn't exist.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Agreed. Do some research and you'll find this to be quite true, actually. The only 100% method of preventing all that undesirable crud is abstinence (of course, not that they'd ever tell you that in a 'modern' sex ed course).</p>
<p>
[quote]
What she needs is companionship, and feigned or not, she'll find it in a boyfriend. I mean, she's desperate enough to make a thread on a college forum about it. Go figure.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I (and other people) have been telling you that this probably isn't the proper path for this woman to choose. If she needs companionship, she should find it in reliable friends (of either/both genders, doesn't really matter), but if she is in a state of vulnerability now, and she goes out and gets in a relationship that lasts all of 3 weeks, how hurt will she feel when that relationship ends and she is left companion-less and all alone?</p>
<p>And to use quote boxes, try this (remove the * signs)</p>
<p>[<em>quote]I'm quoting this![</em>/quote]</p>