<p>Vail, stop being so sensitive. Trust me, if I was being insulting, you'd know. I'm being critical, but I'm not trying to attack you. And you're making my point about constantly being in your own head.</p>
<p>Lack of people skills</p>
<p>Dont run. Face your problems. Try it out... Things are not easy at all, and the beginning is the worst part. Wait until you get used to the environment; school is very different from college and you might be having a hard time to adapt. Give time to time</p>
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[quote]
Please take to time to refute my claims that abstinance may be robbing people of pleasure without much risk.
I'll do it for him. Abstinence until marriage is 100% safe, and does not rob you of anything in the long run, unless you're one of of those people who say they want to have sex with at least "x" many people, in which case you are a pretty sick individual. On the other hand, I've hear/read the stories of many people who practiced "safe sex" and still ended up with STDs and/or pregnancy. But then again, people like you see nothing wrong with abortion, so maybe it doesn't really matter.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>If what you say is true (I have no reason to doubt it), then it wouldn't matter if you were married or not. Marriage doesn't destroy STDs as everyone would like to believe. I do acknowledge that the probability of contracting an STD increases relative to the number of partners (and even the number of experiences with a given partner). What it undeniably does is limit your sexual partners to one over a lifetime. The notion of wanting to taste more than one fruit is not rediculous. Its not a matter of numbers, it's simply that you will be more sure of a pleasure. You won't have to live always wondering why and what if.</p>
<p>As for abortion, I support a woman's right to choose. But I wouldn't trust most women or men to make the right choice. However, law should not make up for our ignorance.</p>
<p>Why the hell do half the threads on CC turn into sex issues or the Iraq war?</p>
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Why the hell do half the threads on CC turn into sex issues or the Iraq war?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Because people that have trouble making friends are always told to have sex with random people in hopes of gaining "love". Don't know why people talk about the war so much though.</p>
<p>I suggest that everyone in this thread be a little more polite to one another.</p>
<p>As far as making friends goes, it can be tough. The initial "group making" process does seem to occur within the first 6 weeks or so, and after that it seems that most people settle into their little circles. However, in my experience it was possible to continue making new friends even when they had established circles. I made two of my best friends after I started UCLA, and they had both been there for a couple of years before me. One of them I (swear to goodness) just turned to and said, "hey, new in town. What's your name?" He's now one of my best friends. The other guy I just talked to in Japanese class because he was one of the only other caucasian males.</p>
<p>In the long run, "cliques" or "circles" are not static. They grow and shrink. I suggest that those of you who are feeling lonely consider just talking to classmates. Seriously, 99.9% of people don't bite. As for the .1% that do, that's what you get vaccines for anyway. :)</p>
<p>College has been the most miserable experience of my life. High school was horrible in itself. College was as bad or worse. My biggest mistake was that I was never outgoing, never managed my time, and ran into a lot of - quite frankly - unfortunate circumstances. Now I'll be graduating soon (only a year left).</p>
<p>My first mistake was that I transferred 3 times. Big mistake. Another mistake was that I wouldn't really get involved in my initial years (clubs, activities, etc...). I also drove away the only people who excepted me and loved me at my last college because of a horrible misunderstanding.</p>
<p>Lately, to get out of the social depression and anxiety; I've been running everyday. I run 4-5 miles a day and it has done wonders to help raise my self-esteem and lower my stress. For anyone going through social anxiety; I strongly encourage you to try this. I'm sorry for all those who didn't fit in college for whatever reason. I feel your pain because I've been through it.</p>
<p>Another thing I would recommend is having roommates and suitemates instead of finding and living in a single room. You will develop a wonderful acquaintancy overtime - having someone to talk to on a regular basis can help.</p>
<p>kotchian,</p>
<p>Running is great for both the body and "soul." I never feel more content with my life then when I'm hitting that 10th K.</p>
<p>OK, I am entering this discussion a little late, but I hope I can be some help.</p>
<p>Firecracked:</p>
<p>In your opening paragraph you mention you are a very shy person.</p>
<p>It's good that you are aware of that, and openly admit it. I know a whole bunch of folks who pretend to be very friendly and sociable even when they are just the opposite. But what you are callling shyness may actually be a phlegmatic personality -- low profile, yet friendly. Not the look-at-me kind. I would say: Be proud of what you are, and try to be comfortable with your nature. Self-acceptance is the beginning of building a healthy self-image. (Uh, I don't mean to get preachy. But I hope you get the point!)</p>
<p>As far as social skills are concerned, you could learn them. A lot of successful salesmen, speakers and even journalists are quite shy, serious and low-profile people in their personal life, but they don't let this get in the way of their profession. They have learned to shed their inhibtions, but still they love the way they are -- loners. Author Ron Jenson is an example. He admits to it in his much acclaimed book - Make a Life, Not Just a Living. Read a good book on this topic. Looks like you are something of a reader.</p>
<p>Hmm, and about your amity with these two "awesome" girls, I would ask: What's the problem? Just keep trying and being friendly. If you are really good at heart, they'll realise that and start being with you. And I would also suggest trying to be friends with people who have similar interests to you - "quirky". Remember, it's always difficult at first, but once you really get along well with a few girls, it's going to be an easy ride thereafter.</p>
<p>Phobos made an excellent point here. Don't try to run away from the problem - confront it!</p>
<p>And the boyfriends? Phew. Go for it when your gut says the right guy has arrived. But I don't see the point in making it a mission in life to find a boyfriend.</p>
<p>And some basic advice: Go out, meet more people, and try new things! Think clubs, fraternties....</p>
<p>
[quote]
Another thing I would recommend is having roommates and suitemates instead of finding and living in a single room. You will develop a wonderful acquaintancy overtime - having someone to talk to on a regular basis can help.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Or, you know, they can become real good friends with each other and not with you because they exclude you from absolutely everything they do (from going away for the weekend to making dinner), and then they can kick you out at the end of the year because they "need more space", pretend they need to keep $250 of your security deposit because you put a couple of extra holes in the wall of your 5 years overdue for patching and painting bedroom, and then sign someone else on the lease after you move out anyway. Really wonderful indeed.</p>
<p>^^ bitter much?</p>
<p>Wow that sucks</p>
<p>Social skills are something that you can acquire, and college is the best time to do that. Think about it: Once you graduate, you won't be living in a dorm nor will you be surrounded by people who are roughly your age and have lots in common with you. You'll either be in graduate or professional school where many of the students will be older than you, married, living on their own, and not looking for folks to hang out with or you'll be working in a place where you're likely to be the youngest on the staff.</p>
<p>So-- do whatever you can to learn the social skills. That can include using the college's counseling center, which probably can offer you good tips. You also can use websites like shyness.com, read some of the many books abut conversational and other social skills, and you can join one or two clubs that interest you.</p>
<p>Surely on your college campus there are some clubs that match your academic or other interests. Joining such a club probably would be a good way for you to make friends because you'd be with people who have lots in common with you.</p>
<p>I think you should try to give your self a chance to know people, and then you will see the changes in every aspect.</p>
<p>Making friends is hard, especially in the beginning, but I'm sure that there will always be someone that has your same interests. If not, then join a club or group, so that that you can actually make friends.</p>
<p>About being the "third wheel," I have two friends that are BEST friends, and when all three of us--at first--I felt kind of weird, because they all already had inside jokes, etc. However, after a while we all became really good friends, and while they're still better friends, we still all like to hang out and it's tons of fun. So, just go out with them for some time longer, make time in your schedule (even if your grades go down a couple of points, having some fun is more important than two points on your grade), and try to have fun.</p>
<p>To firecracker
My solution is be independent. Don't feel that friends are a nessecity to being happy. Consider friends as a "luxury" (if they come). Hang on to your life as it is, study hard and don't go the wrong way. If your emotionally independent, you will find it easier</p>
<p>ZINGGG (10char)</p>