Hello,
So I’ve written my common app essay along with my supplemental essays for my early action schools. The only problem is that I mention my sexuality in the common app essay and I’m not out to my parents. My dad wants to look at my essays this weekend and I don’t know what to do. I could show him the supplements but I won’t know what to say if he asks to see my personal statement. Please help!!!
You could argue that since it has to be your own work and a lot of reputable books (like Harry Bauld’s On Writing the College Application Essay) advise against excessive parental intervention (because they often want to fix it by getting you to “sell” yourself), there’s no need for him to see it. Alternatively, if it’s just a brief mention or small section, just open up a new file and write something random in that section and show the edited version to him. He won’t see the final essay you submit if you don’t want him to 
You definitely don’t have to show your dad if you are worried about his reaction. I like @blu5959 suggestion of taking it out, but if it is central to the essay you can just tell your dad that you want to work on it on your own, and don’t want to have parental intervention.
Okay thank you! @blu5959 and @yonceonhismouth I’m thinking that because the section discussing my sexuality is really only one paragraph I may change it to talking about theatre or something like that just to show to him. In the meantime I’ll say I just don’t think it’s ready yet to share. Thank you again! (and if this doesn’t work out I’ll tell him I want to keep the personal statement personal but that I’ll show him my supplements as you suggested as well)
Maybe it’s only me but even though it’s a personal statement it might be too personal. I always advise against talking about emotional problems and sexuality. I know it may be central to your personality but unless there is a direct correlation between the subject and college admission I’d consider it maybe too much information for a college application. Especially if your parents aren’t even aware of it yet.
@gouf78 Based on what I have heard from college admissions officers, talking about your sexuality can be a fantastic college essay, depending on how you approach it.
I understand what you’re saying, but it’s actually not the center of my essay. I used the transition to adulthood prompt and me beginning to come out to my friends was the biggest step in this transition for me, so I can’t ignore it. I talked about how one thing led to another for me, and coming out to some was just the third step. I only talk about it in sort of a funny way though, so it’s not overly personal in my opinion, and because I consider it important I’m not going to change my topic based on others’ opinions because my voice comes through with this topic and that’s what I consider to be important in a personal statement. @gouf78
So the essay is about transitioning to adulthood. Part of being an adult is owning who you are. Why would you let complete strangers in on this, and not the two people who love you most in the world? As a parent, I would be really unhappy and hurt if I discovered my kid had written an essay such as yours, and not bothered to tell me about it. Be an adult, and tell your parents. Or at least let them read it in your essay.
In fact, this could end up adding an interesting element to your essay.
@Lindagaf We don’t know what the circumstances are. I know kids who have had parents disown them because they were gay/lesbian/bi/trans. If OP doesn’t feel comfortable coming out to their parents, it could be due to more than him just not “owning up to who he is.” It’s easy for us as outsiders to judge them, but we don’t know the full story.
You’re looking at it from a parent’s perspective, and that’s understandable. But if you put yourself in OP’s shoes you might see that it isn’t that simple. It’s easy to talk about things with strangers on the internet. Coming out to your family is a huge (and sometimes painful) part of many people’s lives. Now might not be the right time for him to do that.
Bluekou–Perhaps.
I understand what you’re saying and why you think this is important to include. Maybe in other circumstances I’d be behind you 1000 per cent.
My concern for you and the 'rents is putting something so personal on a college app for basically the world to see (and don’t think it’s only a couple people) especially before your parents even know.
The prompt is “transitioning to an adult”. Part of that is telling your parents. First.
If you can’t tell them beforehand, don’t put it in at all. That’s being an adult. Write an essay that your parents can read.
in its entirety.
And while you say it’s humorous and only in passing, it still is there. The fact you can’t show it to your parents speaks that you haven’t transitioned to “adult” status. Yet. You’ll figure it out (parents are absolutely the hardest) but right now I’d leave it off a college application.
One last thing. Our culture is changing rapidly in a positive direction but you can’t assume that the reader(s) of your essay is accepting of your sexuality or even conversely think it’s now “old hat”…
There are people who get disowned for telling their parents about this kind of thing. Maybe it’s not physically or emotionally safe for OP to do so. Maybe it’s something as simple as the parents wouldn’t pay for college if they knew. We have no idea.
I’m not asking for advice about how and when to come out to my parents here. Beginning the coming out process with my friends was something that took a lot of guts for me and thus brought me toward adulthood. Just because I haven’t told everyone in my life yet doesn’t mean I haven’t progressed a whole lot in this regard. I know my parents will accept me but it’s not easy for you to know what it’s like for me to do this. I’m worried I won’t be able to talk to my dad anymore, I’m worried I may change my family dynamic, especially because both my siblings are off in college right now and so it’s just me and my parents. I don’t have to explain myself but I am right now because I find it off-putting that people would try and dictate my coming out and judge me for my decisions. And lastly, if an institution has staff that would reject me due to my sexuality, that is not an institution I would like to attend.
toystory–True. Parents are the hardest. But college applications are not the place to lay bare your soul. That’s for close friends not college applications.
Not the most efficient idea, but worst case you can write a second essay (that you won’t use) and show that to him. But be prepared to edit it as if it were your common app essay.
I hope that at the right time you will be able to come out to your parents and be accepted and loved for who you are.
bluekou–I’m not judging you for your decisions. Nor for who you are. The opposite in fact.
I’ve been around a much longer time than you have. The world is smaller than you can imagine. You don’t know who will read your essay.
“And lastly, if an institution has staff that would reject me due to my sexuality, that is not an institution I would like to attend.”
Pretty sure you are probably a person who doesn’t like to paint with broad strokes. I’m only saying that only a couple people are reading your app. Their opinions are born of their experiences and biases which may have nothing to do with the institution you are applying to. The institution may be welcoming but the reader maybe not.
This is an admirable belief and I agree with you, but the person reading your app may not reflect the institution you want to go to. Like others, I would counsel caution in making this the center of your essay because you have no idea what the reader biases are going to be. That school might be totally amazing, and you’ve got someone like Roz from Monsters Inc. sitting in a dark room as Reader #1 on the apps, and they can’t fire her because she’s been there since 1952. Get past Roz.
ETA: Yeah, pretty much exactly what gouf78 wrote.
OP, there is no judgement. In what way did I judge you? I gave my perspective as a parent. You came to a forum asking for advice about your essay, and I felt that was a legitimate issue. There is zero judging going on, and if you think that is the case, please reread my post.
I am sensing that you are feeling a little insecure about the coming out aspect of your chosen topic. Perhaps you aren’t, in which case, feel free to write about it. Just realize that it will not be unique and that plenty of students have addressed their sexuality and their emerging adulthood in their common app essay. Find a different way to put a spin in it, because they will have read it before. And there are many many gay students in American colleges today. I doubt anyone will judge you for stating your sexuality in an essay. You wouldn’t be applying to colleges that would.
As I’ve mentioned, my essay is not centered around my sexuality, it just mentions it. I have found a unique way to tell my story and that is part of my story. I’m not going back to the drawing boards because I’m proud of what I’ve written. I apologize for any misunderstanding of comments.
Years ago I helped a student with a Personal Statement in which he came out (he was only out to one friend, previously). He was from an extremely homophobic culture and his father was a prominent political figure, so he had to keep it secret–he even asked me to delete files and emails after we finished with the essay!
In the end, it worked out very well. He ended up at a top-5 school and received a note from the dean of admissions complimenting him on his writing and his bravery.
He’s working on his Ph.D now–we had brunch together in Europe last spring.
Thank you for sharing that @marvin100 It’s reassuring to hear of success in telling a story like mine.