Dorm Life With OCD?

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi all, I posted this in the Learning Differences and Challenges forum but it's been a while and didn't get any responses there, so i thought i'd try here.</p>

<p>I've been diagnosed with moderate OCD and am going to face the challenge of living in a double dorm room with communal bathroom and kitchen facilities. This is going to be pretty rough as my OCD mainly manifests in cleaning things, the cleaning best done thoroughly by me. For some reason I can eat in cafeterias (but have to rinse off trays and utensils and cups first) but I freak out at the prospect of sharing a fridge or worse, toilet, shower, and sink.
Has anyone here dealt with this at college before, or known someone who has?</p>

<p>second post:</p>

<p>anybody?</p>

<p>i've been experiencing severe nausea and terror thinking about this lately. the idea of someone moving my stuff, touching my stuff, sitting on my bed; worse, eating, vomiting, or copulating on my bed. i'll need to constantly clean hard surfaces with non-chemical all-natural cleaner and i know with a roommate around i'll feel an even greater need to clean them. i think a lot of this would be alleviated by having a single room. i know my college holds back a certain number of single rooms for students with disabilities but i don't know if this would qualify.
i think i should probably receive some counseling. hopefully a counselor could fill out a recommendation form for a single room as well. i mean, i'm sure i wouldn't be a pleasant roommate to have anyways. i'd be that annoying roommate that's mercilessly teased and/or gossiped about by their tactless roommate with no empathy for this legitimate condition.</p>

<p>also, both my parents and i have for a while now suspected i have asperger's. mild asperger's, but still, after a whole lifetime of searching it seems that asperger's is the explanation for so much of my life and actions since i was a toddler. we've been trying to reach an autism/asperger's specialist for at least a month now (she's the only one in our area), but can't get a hold of her. ? we've read that often people with asperger's have ocd as well, so this would make sense. </p>

<p>aside from all this, i am incredibly smart (no, seriously) and ambitious and have impressive goals that i work very hard towards each day. i know i'll succeed at the college i'm transferring to and couldn't be more thrilled at the prospect of attending in the fall. it's just this whole rooming situation. i think it's so much worse with "my room" because it's my space. i've been an only child all my life and have always had my own bedroom and have always been able to control it precisely to how i like it. i may need to wash my hands every five minutes outside of my room, but at least i don't feel the need to disinfect a chair in the student lounge before i sit on it (tables to eat off of are a different story), simply because it isn't mine to control.
right now i have my own apartment and can keep it up to my standards but my parents insist on me living in my college's housing this fall because it's like 98% residential and they think i'll be missing out on the "college experience" otherwise. and i believe first-year transfers are required to live on campus anyways.</p>

<p>anyone have any experience with this (ocd and/or asperger's in residential college life?) at all? parents? current students/alums? housing coordinators?</p>

<p>(and please, no one say "suck it up, buttercup", because that isn't going to work. this is actually a diagnosed issue and not a matter of being too prissy or something.)</p>

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<p>If you have been diagnosed and are seeing a therapist or doctor, you should try to get a letter from that professional to petition for a single room, if that is what you want. Disorders such as OCD are often included in considerations for single rooms when they are competitive. </p>

<p>For your comfort, though, you should know that students will almost certainly not tease or gossip about you for having OCD. If you are upfront about it, they may complain at times about your requirements, but it's unlikely that they would make fun of you for it at all. You may need to take on extra responsibility for cleaning, but it seems like you would desire that extra responsibility anyway. </p>

<p>I do encourage you to seek out counseling while at college. Many student counseling centers are excellent, and finding appropriate treatment at this time in your life (for free, or at a very reduced cost!) could significantly improve your quality of life for the future.</p>

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<p>i've just heard way too many stories about "my psycho OCD roommate who drove me nuts by cleaning everything so one day i crushed cheez whiz and mud into her bedspread" sort of thing. i like to think that the students at the school i'm headed to are much more mature than those at my current school, on average, but i mean, they are all the same age when it comes right down to it.</p>

<p>but thanks for your insight. i'm really hoping that i can get some sort of petition because you're right, i would much prefer the extra cleaning duties to...well...what i described.</p>

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<p>My D has tutored a girl from her HS who has aspergers and mild OCD for a few years. She also has a friend from summer camp with symptoms similar to yours--plus she compulsively vacuums several times a day--says it calms her down. Both of these girls are very sweet, very bright and have exceptional artistic talent, but have social challenges--both are on several medications and in therapy. They also will be going away to college next fall and have petitioned for singles--assignments are still pending. corranged gave you solid advice regarding OCD as a medical condition which would most likely qualify you for a single. </p>

<p>My friend's son had a roomate his freshman year who cleaned compulsively and overall he was pretty happy about it. His younger brother went off to college last year hoping for the same! You never know who might appreciate your talents...</p>

<p>Try not to worry too much about what other people may think. Try to be positive and concentrate on doing what is best for you. </p>

<p>BTW: it looks as though you will be headed to Swat? Yes? There's a school with a lot of brainy and quirky individuals, so, maybe it won't be as big of an issue as you anticipate. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>I agree that a single room would be helpful. Most surprising is that you are currently not seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. Have you been successful in curbing the symptoms with medication? Luvox is one of several SSRIs that is helpful for OCD and social anxiety.</p>

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<p>LAC - Hi, I have some professional experience in this area.</p>

<p>You need to have an evaluation that will state your diagnosis as someone with mild Asperger's and OCD and who would benefit greatly from having a single room. There may be someone at Swarthmore who is responsible for students with learning disabilities and who will assist you in this matter once you have a diagnosis in hand. </p>

<p>I agree with BA, you should find plenty of kids like you at Swarthmore - some may be the more sloppy version of Asperger's, but the campus is teeming with smart, quirky kids who start brimming with confidence. </p>

<p>The sooner you get an eval and meet with someone from the college you will start to feel better. Good luck and please let us know how things go!</p>

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<p>Hmm. Your particular form of OCD is unfortunate in that it affects others (contrary to popular stereotype, not everyone with OCD has the compulsive cleaning form - some people with OCD are complete slobs).</p>

<p>If you do end up in a double, try designating one half of the room as yours and one half as your roommates. But if you can get an eval, you might be able to get a single.</p>

<p>Find out if your dorm will let students own personal cube fridges. That eliminates the need to share a fridge.</p>

<p>Also, you may indeed have Asperger's, but you might not. Be careful about self-diagnosis, and get a meeting with the specialist ASAP.</p>

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<p>If the college knows, it can work out just fine, wonderfully in fact. I have a relative at a liberal arts college who has blossomed despite her Ausberger's challenges. It is a very nurturing place (it happens to be a women's college, but Swat, too, is very nurturing).</p>

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<p>I'm a current Swarthmore student, so I thought I could offer you some insight to the campus culture and the issues you're likely to face with this. </p>

<p>First, if you are upfront and explain that you have OCD when people notice your rituals, no one will give you a hard time about it (and if anyone does, everyone else will think that that person is being ridiculous). </p>

<p>I assume you'll be filling out your housing form soon. If you have a letter stating need for a special room, send that in with your housing form. If not, fill out the housing form normally but indicate that you are in the process of obtaining such a letter. </p>

<p>Except in medical cases like yours, it is extremely rare for sophomores to get singles (I read in your previous posts that you are a sophomore transfer?). So people will most likely know, from your rooming arrangement, that you have some medical condition. This isn't really a bad thing but do be prepared for some (well-meaning, but totally ignorant) people to tell you you're super-lucky. </p>

<p>You might consider requesting to live in Mary Lyon (which is an unpopular dorm, because it's relatively far away from campus). Most rooms in ML have "private" bathrooms--shared between 4 people or so--which might feel better to you than a hall bathroom shared by 10-20 people. And it's not THAT unusual for sophomores to have singles in ML. The downside of living in ML is that you would need to make more of an effort to meet people, as the distance from campus means that hall life can be kind of dead sometimes. </p>

<p>But, I would suggest, if you can't get a letter of documentation for any reason, writing a note of explanation with your housing application. Even if they can't give you a special-needs single, they can still take your needs into account. </p>

<p>Best of luck!</p>

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<p>My nephew shared a dorm with an OCD kid and is now moving into an apartment with him. He likes the cleanliness and accommodated the need for all of the bottled water to be the same brand and stacked neatly in their triple room. There were other "requirements," but they didn't bother anyone.</p>

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<p>Yes, Lac, not to make light of your situation, I couldn't help but think that I would love for you to be in my daughter's suite next year (different college, unfortunately).</p>

<p>Actually, what I thought about when I read your post is how difficult it would be to room with some people. Your needs are very real and I do hope the college will acknowledge and accommodate them. </p>

<p>Jessie does have a good point about self-diagnosis. I was curious who first suggested Asperger's?</p>

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<p>my mother first suggested it, about a year ago. since then i've read lots about it, have taken those 500-question tests to gauge whether or not i have it, and have talked (online) to a few others with the condition, and everything really seems to add up. also, someone close to me recently died and i've been in grief counseling. the grief counselor has known me since i was ten and seems to think it very possible as well. i don't want to self-diagnose, but from everything i've read it seems likely - there are just too many similarities.
i'm not on medication for OCD because i strongly dislike taking medications (i had bad experiences with several anti-depressants in my teenage years and try to live a chemical-free life: most everything i own is organic). after diagnosis, i realized i had an issue and spent A LOT of time rationalizing things with myself, in addition to being in counseling for a few months. i've been able to pretty effectively curb the serious issues it could cause and since then it's been somewhat manageable, but the idea of rooming with someone has left me, as i said, terrorized.</p>

<p>etselec, i have reviewed the housing options somewhat (largely because i wanted to see if i could discern how many residences have tile floors, to me preferable to carpeted - much easier to clean), and am familiar with ML. the distance from campus probably wouldn't bother me too much (i enjoy long walks and Swarthmore's location in a pretty area doesn't hurt), and plus i understand there's a shuttle. i know of at least five clubs i'd like to join and will probably spend most of my time on campus so i don't know how upset i'd be about not having an active hall life. the crappy thing is that i would be a junior if i'd continued at penn state, but my credits didn't transfer equally to swarthmore and so i'm going to be a sophomore again. i'm not too upset, because i really love swarthmore and am excited about all the classes i'll have the opportunity to take in three years as opposed to two. but it really does make the attempt to obtain a single room a good deal more difficult.</p>

<p>and bessie, i have to say, your nephew was pretty awesome to be so accommodating of his roommate. i'm glad things worked out so well for both of them.
we're going to keep trying to get in touch with this specialist. hopefully we can contact her by the time my housing questionnaire comes (should be pretty soon). even if i can't get housing accommodation, i'm sure a counselor would be able to help me work through some of this stuff.</p>

<p>thanks for the advice everyone, and i'll keep you all posted. hopefully this thread will in the future be beneficial for someone else with issues like mine.</p>

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<p>Great advice by everyone above.<br>
I agree especially with etselec's advice to discuss this early on with dormmates...I think it helps people to understand and support you instead of wondering if they need to intervene and get you some help. (This assumes that you are going to continue therapy of some kind at school, which it sounds like you will want for at least the initial transition).
There was a guy in my dorm that showered five times a day...it helps you realize that we all have our own quirks.</p>

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<p>You should really be seeing a therapist this summer; the more work you can do early-on, the fewer problems you will have in the dorm. As you know, uncontrolled OCD can dominate your life. You are already aware of specific issues that are going to trigger the OCD compensation routines, but, of course, there will be many unforeseen situations that may cause you stress. Do yourself a huge favor and find a therapist to help you over the summer.</p>

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<p>"you should try to get a letter from that professional to petition for a single room, if that is what you want."</p>

<p>I agree strongly with this.</p>

<p>Speaking as someone who resolved a related psychiatric problem before going away to college...while your fellow students owe you compassion, I don't think your future roommate owes you any special accommodations. Your dormmates have a right to inhabit shared space without meeting pathological expectations of cleanliness. The COLLEGE owes you special accommodations, and that's why private space would be a great way for it to provide you with the opportunities you deserve without imposing on other students.</p>

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<p>You may want to consider trying medication again. OCD can't be controlled or managed effectively without it. There are many choices of meds out there to try. It can sometimes take 2 or 3 tries on different meds and doses to find the one that works best for you. It takes about 6 weeks to notice any type of improvement but trust me, once you get the right medication your quality of life will greatly improve. The correct medication will not only curb your OCD tendencies but it will manage your social anxieties.</p>

<p>College and living away from home bring with it a new set of stresses. Often times, these new stresses can increase OCD behaviors unless the student is currently under the successful care of a doctor (therapy/meds). Living in a single room may not be the answer (lonely, sheltered, harder to meet the social demands without the support or company of a roomate). Once you have the proper diagnosis and treatment, the thought of sharing your space with a roomate will be less stressful. Having a roomate will help you socially. If you truly do have Aspergers, a roomate can serve as a model for appropriate behaviors.</p>

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<p>^
That is complete and utter B.S. Multiple studies of OCD treatment have shown therapy has a much higher response rate than meds (about 70% vs. 40%) and that therapy + meds has about the same response rate as therapy alone. Obviously , this isn't true for ALL people, but on the whole, therapy (or just self-motivated bx change) has been shown to be more effective than meds for OCD!</p>

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<p>and multiple studies show otherwise. Unless you've lived it or have first hand knowledge, it's impossible for the lay person to understand the depth of the problem that OCD presents itself in the everyday aspects of one's life. On the whole as you say--therapy alone is more often not effective in treating OCD. OCD is not a case of simple habits which can be lessened by behavioral therapy. It is much deeper and more complicated and often times based on an individual's abnormal brain chemistry.</p>

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<p>^^^Hmmmm....I'm just gonna say one of the best things about the OCD meds are that they facilitate the therapy. The therapy involves exposure. If you do end up with a roommate, at least you can think of it as part of the road to recovery!</p>

20

<p>Two things bother me about some of these posts, and for the record, I DO have firsthand knowledge of this disorder: </p>

<ol>
<li><p>The implication that OCD is just an annoying little set of problems, i.e. that the need to clean complusively will be loved by roommates, etc. This stems, imo, from the tendency for people with little worries or quirks to refer to themselves as having OCD. I can't tell you how often I´ve heard people say this. Anyone who has had OCD or loves someone who´s had it knows how debilitating this disorder can be. </p></li>
<li><p>People who categorically rule out certain therapies. Medication is NOT the only way to go, and it´s ridiculous and harmful to suggest that other therapies are ineffective. Behavioral therapy can and does work for many with even serious OCD. And for some, it doesn´t. Don´t rule either out. The right practitioner can have incredible results with CBT and other non-pharmecological therpies. And I'm talking major OCD being remediated that way. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>You need to see someone who knows what they are doing rather than rely on anyone on this board. You also need to get a person in the town in which you are attending college who knows what they are doing so that you can get help if you need it while at school. You can also call a really major hospital with a large research component and ask for referrals. There are books out there as well and often you can contact authors who may give you suggestions. That's what my sister did for my nephew and they got hooked up with an amazing therapist who did amazing work. Without drugs.</p>

<p>Another note is that expòsure therapy should be very closely monitored by a professional.</p>