Double digit essay? Please critique.

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Please critique this essay...I want to say things I would change, but in order to give an unbiased interface, will hold my opinion back for now.</p>

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<p>Is it always best to determine one's own views of right and wrong, or can we benefit from following the crowd?</p>

<p>In order to separate oneself from the crowd, it is important to determine one’s own views of right and wrong. Different humans have different types and strata of goal; some wish to blend in with the majority while others wish to stand out as heroes. Most heroes show definite displays of personal ambitions and ideologies. These demonstrations can be seen in numerous technological innovators as well as literary works.</p>

<p>A member of the top 10 richest men in the world, as well as founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates is classified as a hero in many people’s views. To earn this status, Gates had to develop cutting edge technology starting his teenage years and continuing for the rest of his lifetime. As a 15 year old, instead of worrying about petty nuances of high school life, Bill Gates inspired to outshine others and instead decided to drop out of high school to enter Harvard and simultaneously work for his new company Microsoft. Galileo, inventor of the telescope, also had to go against the grain instead of following the mores of society. When he stated adamantly that it was the Earth that revolved around the Sun, the Christian Church immediately shunned Galileo from society and incarcerated him. Galileo refused to yield his personal opinion, and is now credited with a plethora of contributions to modern science.</p>

<p>Guy Montag in the novel Fahrenheit 451 is another archetype of a man who refused to let the majority’s views impact his personal decisions. As a firefighter of the future whose job was to burn books, Montag was intrigued by the nature of his job and decided to read a book. He found a vast expanse of knowledge in his hands and pursued more of such novels, even thought the government had passed a taboo on such items. Eventually, Montag stood out from society and exemplified free thought to the other citizens who never rebelled against the government. He found a small group of rebels who secretly read books and joined it. Instead of blindly following orders from higher power like the crowd, Guy decided to use his own mind to understand the scenario and ended up victorious.</p>

<p>As seen from the two innovators Bill Gates and Galileo as well as from Guy Montag from Fahrenheit 451, it is indeed best to determine one’s own views of right and wrong. These views are often traits of future heroes who refuse to ‘fit in’ and instead stand out of the crowd.</p>

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<p>Thanks!</p>

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<p>bump, to the people reading this post, you should really be grading lol</p>

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<p>bump #2, I really gotta grade this lol</p>

<p>any graders?</p>

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<p>Solid 10-11. </p>

<p>It would have scored a 12 if you developed your ideas further, rather than simply reciting examples and tacking on thesis relations at the end of each. However, your examples were good and your vocabulary substantial, so it would definitely score in the double digits.</p>

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<p>You wrote this in under 25 minutes? And it was less than 2 pages long?</p>

<p>WOOOOOW</p>

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<p>11-12 on the real SAT. Sure, it’s not a masterpiece, but it’s the type of essay that the graders of the SAT look for: intro, two paragraphs of examples, conclusion. As far as SAT essays go, this one’s near perfect. Also, I used the Galileo example as well (almost exactly the same) on the SSAT two years ago :D</p>

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<p>Dammmn thanks folks, makin’ me feel really good. :D</p>

<p>I thought the first body paragraph was kinda awkward with two examples in one, but guess it was decent. </p>

<p>@StudiousMaximus, thanks a lot bud! Yeah, I kinda lulled for like 2 mins of the essay so that hurt me on the developing ideas part. </p>

<p>@Taco, loool, I’m using a sheet of binder paper to write, so I really don’t know whether this is too long or what.</p>

<p>@Chrome16, ahaha yup this prompt was one of the May 2007 ones. Thanks for the comments!</p>

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<p>Definitely 12. It lives up to all expectations put forth by graders.
1- Relevant examples, and a strong position on the topic.
2- Appropriate and commendable range of vocabulary.
3- Lack of any grammatical mistakes whatsoever.
4- Consistent progression from idea to idea, great development.</p>

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<p>@SirWanksalot (lol), thanks man!</p>

<p>I originally graded this as a 10 essay, which put me at a 2190.
Then an 11 after previous grades, which put me at a 2210.
And if I use a 12 I get a 2230! </p>

<p>Still not my best of 2240(with an 11 essay), but rigggght around there…</p>

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<p>lol. StuckInTheAir.</p>

<p>Judging from other people’s views and from my own experiences reading essay, i can tell tell this is a good essay. </p>

<p>12</p>

<p>Thanks for posting, i’m learning from you. :]</p>

<p>(will you grade my essay for me?)
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1203080-grade-my-essay-me.html#post13145024[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1203080-grade-my-essay-me.html#post13145024&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>@computers65, thanks bud, I just graded yours.</p>