Down to the Wire and No Decision in Sight

Parent Cafe
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<p>Thank you all for your comments. Evitajr1, your comments are right on the money. My D has always been change adverse and as anxious as she is for high school to be over, contemplating her future is just scary. This evening she announced that she doesn't want to go to college at all. (This will solve the problem right?) We have gone through similar patterns in the past. She wants to do something; she signs up to do it; she gets scared and rants and raves about how she will not do it; she is drug kicking and screaming to the activity; she loves it.</p>

<p>Rather than savoring the opportunity to choose and anticipating the adventures ahead, perhaps she is in some ways trying to hold on to life as she knows it. And maybe by not choosing she is attempting to avoid the reality that things will change. Your comments also made me remember the other day when she came home complaining that a friend of hers had been talking about how she was just so ready to go away to college and how much her parents are driving her crazy. My D thought that was horrible! (I didn't want to remind her that she herself had expressed similar opinions in the past)</p>

<p>As far as the schools, I think as many of you have mentioned that Yale would be a wonderful opportunity. The more I have read about it, the better it seems. But I do worry that I am possibly being blinded by the prestige factor and may not be looking at what really fits for her.</p>

<p>One thing that makes USC somewhat attractive is that she knows a few kids from her class who will be going there next year. Just knowing that might help ease her into the new enviroment.</p>

<p>Some of you mentioned environment and that is probably the thing that will impact her the most. Irishbird's description of "a laid-back, non-pretentious but still challenging atmosphere " probably makes the most sense for her. Can that be said for other schools besides UM and USC?</p>

<p>Ivyqueen, it appears that you enjoyed your Yale years and that your daughter is enjoying them as well. Are the academics overwhelming? Or does one simply accustom oneself to the challenge and the tempo?</p>

<p>Thanks again for your comments, all of you.</p>

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<p>Lp75--I loved the academics at Yale, and my daughter is enjoying them too, though there was an initial adjustment from the standards at her rather mediocre public school. I can't imagine that Yale would have admitted your daughter if she weren't more than able to handle the work. You said, "When she likes a teacher, she will go the extra mile; when the teacher does not meet up to her standards (organized, involved, interesting, dedicated, etc.) she does only what she needs to do to get by." That sounds a bit like my daughter, who didn't always have a lot of respect for the assignments she was asked to do in high school, and feels quite differently about her work at Yale. The biggest adjustment has probably been learning how to manage her time, with fewer hours in class and more outside reading, problem sets, etc. than she's had before--but she would have had that at most colleges. </p>

<p>I do feel that Yale has every kind of student imaginable--from extremely high-powered and intense to laid-back. A few are pretentious, but most are not. And I can't say enough good things about the residential college system; you really do have a sense of belonging right from the start. I suspect any advantage of knowing a few other kids at the start of the school year at USC would dissipate very quickly, especially since she might not see much of them on such a large campus.</p>

<p>Tempo, I think, is largely a matter of choice. My daughter, who was rather bored in high school, tends to like a pretty frenetic pace; she thrives on the drama of staying up late and getting papers in just under the wire. On the other hand, she has a smart, sensible friend from the midwest who's very active in campus sports and politics and community outreach, and still manages to budget her time and keep her desk neat and get a good night's sleep.</p>

<p>As for the "prestige factor," I was always slightly embarrassed by it (despite my CC name, which is meant as a joke), but you might want to take a look at Binx's perspective in "End of story: One person's Ivy experience" (<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=55151%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=55151&lt;/a&gt;). Fit is also an interesting issue; I actually started a thread on the subject (<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=52353%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=52353&lt;/a&gt;) because I'm not sure the best fit is always the one that seems most comfortable from the start.</p>

<p>But I'm going to stop pushing for Yale now, because in truth I agree with Evitajr1 that the best thing you can do for your obviously smart and terrific daughter is to listen to her concerns, rather than trying to bring things to a conclusion before there's an absolute, real-life deadline. She'll do just fine at whichever school she selects.</p>

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<p>However.....many a protesting child secretly hopes their parents believe in them enough to urge them to take on the challenge; ie "I can't really do this!......Can I?"</p>

<p>I'm sure you can find the balance between applauding her courage and controlling her choice.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>