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Daughter 55/45 tilted toward Ivys, us two old folks will miss her desperately. She's my only daughter. What do I do??
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Commenting only on this part of the equation, as a parent, you need to suck it up and let your only D go across country if that's where she's going to develop her highest potential. Of course, you'll miss her. But it's not all about you. And she'll miss you too. </p>
<p>We've seen our D for one 23-day stretch in the last nine months. Six weeks from today, we'll see her again. Happy happy happy. But the experiences she's had are priceless. (And we didn't even have to put much of it on our Mastercard.)</p>
<p>Artic16 - the guessing game is fun, and Hopkins does have just <em>over</em> 4000 undergrads. But it is right in the city of Baltimore rather than "near" a mid-sized city. So I don't know.</p>
<p>It would be a rare family for whom the difference between $200K and $0k was not significant. When the student is feeling 55/45 in favor of one over the other, I just don't see it. It would be something else again if there were substantial differences in fit, preference etc.</p>
<p>But to pay $200K for "an Ivy" over a top-30 school,when the kid likes both about evenly... What's up with that?</p>
<p>Well, it depends. Are we talking about Princeton vs. Wake Forest or Harvard vs. USC? There's a substantial difference in academic reputation/prestige and quality of the student body in those cases. On the other hand, if we're talking Cornell vs. Northwestern or Dartmouth vs. Duke, there is arguably no difference.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies, I just think from now to April 30th is a very important period of time for my family, the next four years wherever she ends up will affect her future employment, mybe even the future mate, many people met our other half during the college days, in front of her are two very nice options, going right or turning left will have such a big impact to her and us, I pray to God that whatever the outcome please grant us the right choice.</p>
<p>I learned several things from this discussion, distance is my issue, I need to suck it up and let go. I think I can do it, but my wife, that's another story.</p>
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many people met our other half during the college days
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<p>If your daughter does this, her future children will be disappointed. It's better to marry someone who got their degree elsewhere so that the kids can be legacies at two different colleges. ;)</p>
<p>One other thing I would like to mention is, the daughter felt it was difficult to gain admission to Ivys, now she has it and it became so very difficult to turn it down, but, on the other hand, the school A is nice too, it invites her to go and it's close to home too. Very difficult choices and it's turning us up side down.</p>
<p>"Well, it depends. Are we talking about Princeton vs. Wake Forest or Harvard vs. USC? There's a substantial difference in academic reputation/prestige and quality of the student body in those cases. "
Agree with Marian about the" quality of the student body". That is the reason my son is hoping to transfer from Big U. to one of the "Ivy's" that accepted him last year.
I think you need to let her go where she want to go, without thought of how far it is away from home or her parents. Our son was our only too, and it is hard to be an emptynester, but you do get used to it, and so will she.</p>
<p>My own views on this particular poster's question are strongly colored by the statement that the D is leaning 55/45 to the Ivy. That's not much of a lean. For a lot of difference in cost. I do agree that the distance factor should not be the decisive one (although some families do use it as a limiting factor). But I don't think a family should feel obligated to choose the Ivy, at such a cost differential when the kid likes it only slightly better. Nor do I think the kid should be overly swayed by the label "Ivy", again, when she likes it only slightly better. I would feel differently if there were arguments being made that the Ivy has the better fit, the better programs, etc. I haven't heard word one along those lines from this family.</p>
<p>Dear Jmmom, thanks for sharing your view. It is kind of crazy that decision is 55/45 and to this moment we are still not sure what to do. Good thing is everything will get cleared by April 30th, maybe the whole thing will be decided by a draw of luck. It is gut wrenching. Like I said it before, it's just very difficult for the daughter to turn away the Ivy, the student body, the brand name etc. Let say if the cost is not the concern.</p>
<p>"School A: One of the top 30 university, private, about 40 minutes from home. They offered full tuition, trustee scholarship.</p>
<p>School B: One of the Ivys, 5 hours fly time. Daughter applied early, waitlisted, accepted regular. No scholarship or financial aid offer."</p>
<p>Well, if you've got the money for School B, AND money for extras, then it doesn't make any difference.</p>
<p>If you have enough money for School B, but no more, then the equation is NOT School A vs. School B., but School A PLUS $125k in educational opportunities v. School B. $125k buys a lot of education: Two years of med school; two years in France; 5 years volunteering in Africa; four trips around the world, unpaid internships, two years learning to paint in Italy; a terminal masters degree in engineering with money left over.</p>
<p>Under the condition stated, I know of NO Ivy that would be better educationally than School A plus $125k in educational opportunities. Doesn't exist.</p>
<p>Just so you know, last year my S was even MORE undecided than your D- he said he was 51% Big U/49% Ivy. Money was a big factor in his indecision, but we now realize that had he listened to his gut, he would have chosen the Ivy because of the large percentage of really smart students he found there, which was NOT the case at Big U. So I can send you some eye opening SAT statistics that helped us understand what he was experiencing. pm me if you want them emailed to you.</p>
<p>Part of the hard time we are having about deciding is that this is the first time our son will be making a major life choice for himself. Granted we as parents are part of this decision, but I don't think I can tell my son "you need to go here". He is the one that will spend the next 4 years of his life at this university. He has to feel comfortable, he has to take it upon himself to see this through. We can't make this decision for him, and we won't. We are here for any questions he has, we will help him get the answers that he needs but the bottom line is that this is his decision. It may me different if we were paying his entire tuition which we are not. He will be taking out loans himself.</p>
<p>Uh, you do realize that your son created a separate CC thread about this quandry himself? Perhaps the family should talk this over a bit more in private!</p>
<p>Thanks for the tip Art, we have talked extensively about this decision and thought that others that have had the same questions could come here and get further insight and opinions. Why don't you go back to selling imports or exports or whatever.</p>
<p>I just don't think there is much we can do to assist such a personal inquiry, and your son's thread poses the dilemma in a markedly different manner from this one, which makes think there is at least some sort of conflict between his opinions and yours. In any event, I'm sorry for disturbing your valuable peace and quiet, and I'll just go back to minding my own business, oblivious to the world.</p>