Reverse snow birds are called shore birds.
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Learn something every day!
But wouldnât that mean people who seasonally travel elsewhere to get away fromâŠtoo much shore?
I guess the term goes back to New Yorkers who decided between going to the mountains or down the shore in the summer to escape the city heat.
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We have a second home a ferry ride and an hourâs drive away. Smaller, on the water, ideal for the two of us plus room for plenty of guests. The problem is local medical care. If we lived there full-time weâd have to get air ambulance insurance as well as be prepared to travel for the basic visits.
Iâd like something smaller for our main home, but home prices have gone through the roof around here & weâd use all of the profit from this place to buy.
I can see us spending a month each winter in a sunny, west coast rental.
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I have every intention of going to wherever my ds is when I need help. Not to live WITH him but to be NEAR him to make his life easier.
I have no knowledge of various types of dementia, but Iâm going to read about this! Might be a help to our friends.
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I think that Iâm not alone. But my mom lives in the south, my in-laws live in the north. My kids both live out east.
My mom doesnât like where I live (north). My in-laws wonât move from where they are which is their hometown.
One kid is unlikely to move from where they are now. The other is undetermined but he and his wife are comfortable where they are, own a home and have jobs they like. But my dil is from Michigan so they could relocate maybe.
My husband is retired now. But where do we go? What do we do about our parents. It was very difficult when my mom came to my house over the holidays. She was very out of her element in a way she isnât at her house. I think her moving would be very difficult and sheâs doing fine in her own home.
We could move to the area where my mom is but then we leave my husbandâs parents. We could move near our children but what do we do about our parents. Again. Besides they live in expensive cities that we donât want to live in.
We can stay where we are but we arenât that thrilled about it either.
Sometimes I think Iâm in a waiting game sandwiched between all these generations. When we are free to pick a location, weâll be too old. My mil freaks out when the grandkids move away from her hometown, I can only imagine how she would react if her son moved.
Feeling a bit stuck
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I can empathize! We lived near my parents for over a decade but then my H had to make a job change to a new state (not by choice). My parents didnât want to stay without us but didnât want to move to our new state either. They opted to permanently move to FL where they had been snowbirds for years. It was super hard for my brother and I. We alternated flying down to them every other month for 2 1/2 years. Had to jump on a plane for emergencies a bunch. It was expensive and stressful.
Thankfully my SIL lives near my inlaws but unfortunately the caregiving burden will be on her.
I would definitely opt to move to be near my D when we get old enough to need help. Itâs easy for us though because we have an only child.
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Midwest, south, west, mountains, east
are where they all lived. No parents were moving. Kids were finding their way. We flew often to help until our parents passed.
I have a friend who moved to be near his 90 yr old mother and she died a few months later. He bought another home and moved back. At great inflation time. Of course looking back, should have not moved.
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Exactly! Limbo that goes on for years longer than expected. My mother is now 95 and I have been in seasonal housing for 5 years while she goes on and off hospice. Kids still moving around. After two years of COVID I have become more nervous about moving someplace new by myself.
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@deb922 - Hugs. Iâm not in your situation (FIL and both my parents are gone, Hâs sisters live near MIL and will NEVER move), but I have may friends in situations like yours. They want to move closer to their own kids or to a location they have always wanted but canât leave elderly parents. With so many people living until their late 80âs. 90âs or beyond now itâs become a real issue.
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I totally understand the sandwich thing (in this situation myself). However, I feel that you need to live your life for yourself. Waiting for the kids to settle or the parents to go to assisted living, is not really living. Pick someplace to live that makes you happy and do it now. If you have family spread out now, when you move you will still have family spread out. The pandemic has emphasized how unpredictable life can be, so you need to enjoy life when and how you can.
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My mother IS in assisted living. If anyone thinks that means more freedom to move away, I would argue differently. I still do most of the caregiving and all of the medical management.
Many people will say move anyway, live your life. It is a valid choice to stay close to parent(s) and people should still be able to vent 
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We are down in Florida staying with my MIL who is 90 and definitely is slowing down. We put in an elevator for her last year (she wasnât here because she couldnât travel due to Covid). But, all of her kids are coming down to spend time with her. They like we will be helping her â not sure how wise it would be for her to be down here all alone as she was never a good driver and is probably awful now. It takes her a long time just to walk from one side of the living room to the other (and it is a small house). But, everyone happily comes down to spend time here and does not feel put upon by having to be on a lagoon a block from the beach in the winter. It is beautiful, quiet and calm, and we go cycling every day through a nature preserve. We are spending 6 weeks here.
I have wanted for years to buy a place in FL. MIL will probably give her house to one of the sibs (a terrible idea but this sib is both her baby, grabby and she and her husband chose fairly non-remunerative life paths and so donât have much saved for retirement in part because MIL was supporting them when they were younger.). But, Iâd love to have a house where my kids (and friends) were happy to come stay, especially when we are older and need a little help. We also need to make sure the house has room (extra land or large extra room) to use as a studio for ShawWife. Sheâs taken over part of the LR on MILâs house, which is definitely not a permanent solution.
I donât know that we will get there but if we were to establish Florida as a tax residence, we would save MA income tax, we could finance a mortgage from what we would have paid to MA. But, that would require really making FL our primary residence and being in MA less than 1/2 the year (easy for me in normal years because of business travel but not so easy for ShawWife).
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We are 10 years away from doing anything in terms of a move from our area. My spouse is working toward a pension. She got started a little late with it. We each have one parent left. I have lived my adult life away from my parents, so I am used to being away. My spouse has two sisters that probably wonât move. I have a brother that will move away from my mom in 1.5-2 years. We do have a lot of family in the area that can help mom out.
We definitely want to downsize, but we arenât sure where. Reading through this post gives quite a few tips on things to think about.
Overall I just want lower property taxes, which will make retirement easier. My spouse just needs good access to internet and running water. We both are ready for an adventure together. I probably wonât make my location revolve around where my two kids end up. We are at the point where we need a break from the kids. They are great kids but we want time for ourselves.
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We were fortunate in a way that our decision to move to Florida was made for us. My husband had a job offer that he couldnât refuse. Kids were tots and Mom had just turned 80. Unfortunately she started to decline mentally within a couple of years but insisted on staying alone in her house. It was a total nightmare. We strongly suggested she sell the house sheâd been in for 50 years and move down near us but she wouldnât do it. She said she didnât want to be a burden but to be frank she was in that she was a plane flight away and there was always a fall or whatever.Help was incredibly expensiveâŠ.much more than assisted living⊠On the other hand I see women my age (late 60;s) dragging their ancient mothers around Target⊠I donât want my daughter to do any of that for us. So I guess weâll have to play it by ear. Not easy choices.
I totally agree. And moving near kids? Guess what. They end up moving!
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Sometimes. Sometimes not. At this point we have one who is married and settled. Would they NEVER move? IDK. But odds are they will stay. We arenât playing the âwhat ifâ game.
yep; my parents were going to do this at one point, and we told them it wasnât a good idea at that stage of our lives. We moved 5 times after that; weâre in our forever home/location 
so they moved down here last year. MIL is now alone in PA, but doesnât want to leave her groups and friends. I completely understand that; my FIL passed 3 years ago and is buried there. Covid has her reconsidering since she canât socialize like she used to. As she says sheâs lost 2 years of her life and doesnât know how many more she has⊠
Sheâs getting lonely. Her friends all have family there; she doesnât. Sheâs fallen a few times and she lives in a split level; this is our biggest concern. My SIL is the closest, but sheâs still 3 hrs away. We bought her an apple watch with fall sensors that will call/message 911 and me at the same time, but it would take me 12-14 hours to get there because of flights. My parents are closing on their cottage tomorrow; I have a feeling that may influence MIL to move here. Theyâve been good friends since DH and I got married. I guess thatâs why they call it âThe Middle.â 
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For people who are looking to be close to their adult kids, how close did you live when you were growing up to your grandparents? I tend to see people who are looking to be close to their adult kids having lived close to their grandparents as kids. And those who did not live close to their grandparents as kids less interested (or worried if it doesnât work out) in living close to their adult kids. Both are tendencies so there are exceptions but there are clear trends (at least that I see in my circle).
We kind of had the opposite where my daughter and her husband only live an hour away and, even though I am not happy in the small cliquey town we live in in Oklahoma, it was hard to actually move away from her. Well now they are moving to CA so I have nothing keeping me here.
Iâve always wanted to move to FL. My son being there is a bonus if we make the move. Admittedly the area he is in would not have been my first choice. Not as many or as nice beaches as some areas. But last time we visited we explored a lot more because my brother came from England and wanted to tourist and I discovered so many nice parks in the area.
And there is the grandbaby. She will be 6 months next week. She started crawling yesterday ,
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