I’m lucky, neither set of parents expect us to be there at the holidays, so glad my little family got to enjoy the holidays without stress. But my husband did call on Boxing Day, no fail. He called his parents practically every weekend when the long distance rate was $6 an hour, unlike when we were first married.
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My opinion…in our case…it was a control thing.
But this has nothing to do with downsizing…except that if we do so, it will be to meet our day to day wants and needs.
Maybe we need another thread about the family dynamics of visits.
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I’ve also heard a lot of the for profit places open up and start out nice, but then things go down hill. My stepfather had a friend who was in an assisted living place and they left on the insistence of their family who weren’t happy with the declining standards. The place had really gone down hill and it wasn’t cheap. In our area there is a Presbyterian home and a Roman Catholic home, both are quite large. I have heard good things about them. We looked at both when my FIL needed extra care. Yes it really is horrible how bad some of those places can be. I know people who’ve done in-home care with their elderly parents and that has worked out well. There is so much to think about when it comes to aging.
H and I probably will downsize to a house with a smaller yard and we definitely don’t want stairs. Just too hazardous when you’re older. I’m glad my stepdad’s house is single story.
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The thing to remember is that independent living (your own unit with meals provided) can be fine but staffing and services for higher levels of care may not be.
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Expectations of the “assisted” part of “assisted living” need to be low. My brothers still think that my mother is being taken care of by her AL, but she isn’t: it’s me 
Residents are tenants, not patients. They can refuse help and often do, and staff just turn around and go on to the next. They are not allowed to do anything else by regulation.
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I had saw something about a guy living in a Holiday Inn instead of Assisted Living. It was cheaper. Senior discount tons of free nights etc. Room cleaned daily or at least when needed. Free breakfast. Cable TV. WiFi.
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Not unlike the people who downsize to cruise ships. Not such a great choice anymore sadly.
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My memory of that story is that is was instead of Independent Senior Living. “Assisted” means you have some level of care that cruise ships do not provide. You’d have to pay for the assistant to have a room as well, not to mention that finding someone to agree to this long term might be tricky.
ETA: oops, I was thinking of the story of a man who supposedly lived on a cruise ship rather than a nursing home. The story showed that people often don’t understand the differences between independent senior living, assisted living, and nursing home care. Sorry I confused your story with the one I read.
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compmom - I’m sorry your brothers don’t understand the level of care you are providing. It’s hard (when you are the primary) for others to even envision what that entails.
In a family member’s case, the leap from independent ‘assisted’ living to completely locked down was a matter of days.
I’m not going to say that didn’t frighten me, thinking of that one time I left the stove on for a few hours or forgot a name! 
Not to make light of it, but I am going to consult a trusts/estates/elder law attorney about figuring out how to avoid that happening to me!
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I try to keep an open mind to us moving/downsizing someday (and have a slow but constant decluttering effort at the house). I also make an effort to really appreciate the things I really like here …. especially now that gardening season is here. Never did much of that, since my mother used to love coming over and planting (we built the house) and tending to it. Now that she’d gone and I’m retired, it’s lovely to hang out in the yard.
Yesterday was especially nice. Not many flowers yet, but the pear tree and crab apple are in bloom.
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I have to say that Covid taught me to really appreciate the beauty of my yard and my neighborhood. My plans to downsize and sell have been postponed for a number of reasons but the positive is that I get to enjoy my yard and some things I planted over the past two years a bit longer.
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I keep thinking I may not be able to move in a few years years because my yard should be nearly perfect! 
I have been planting a lot over the years and more recently, had to redo some areas. I planted what will be large shrubs and bushes, and they should look great in about 2-3 years!
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I hear you - I do like our yard (although my husband does all the work to mow, fertilize, seed, aerate, etc.). We back up to an open, public space with woods nearby. It’s hard to think that we’d find something as nice when downsizing - but I’m willing to try! I also think a big grassy lawn might be a lot for me to maintain on my own…
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Interesting. Maybe the word “research” has taken on a new meaning given all the folks these days who are doing their “research” on things like vaccines and hydroxychloroquine?
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@Jolynne_Smyth, good question about Stage 2. My mother was in an independent living facility and shifted to assisted living a few months ago and then into hospice briefly before she passed away. The caregivers there were caring and generally really good (some exceptions). But, we were very grateful for how kind and capable they were. So, not all places are bad. But, my mother passed away before moving into the skilled nursing part of the facility, so I have incomplete information.
We upsized but are setting up the house for one-level living so it is designed to take us a long way. One of the bathrooms, which we have made the master bathroom, is already equipped with the bars and handles that make it workable for an older person. The only stairs needed will be for me to go to my office, but there is another room downstairs that can function as an office (indeed I’m using it now while we do renovations). The prior owners of the house lived here and raised many daughters. They then built an in-law suite (hence the accessible bathroom on the ground floor) and spent 6 months a year here and 6 months in Key West. Their youngest daughter raised her family in the main body of the house and they lived in the in-law suite with considerable interaction. I think they did some helping with grandkids and then as they aged, the daughter did a fair bit of helping them. We can imagine such an arrangement working with ShawD assuming she marries and has kids and has an amenable spouse. There are also rooms for a potential caregiver.
ShawWife is very handy – she owns all of the power tools, etc. I do best at concepts (planning, insurance, taxes, wifi networks, electronics generally). But, we hire someone to mow, ShawWife does a lot of gardening but the house we bought has 1.8 acres with lots of specimen trees and plants so we have to hire someone to trim/prune/declutter. The house came with a saltwater pool and after ShawWife got splashed with chemicals trying to open the pool, we hire someone for that (and to make sure the pool equipment is working). The lawn guys do the plowing. So, our expense levels have increased and will continue to increase as we age.
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Interesting article. Perhaps new home construction will have some of these factors in mind. It could be a good way to increase resale possibilities as the populations ages.
Is the following service available at Lowes nationwide? Seems a good idea.
“Lowe’s Louisville store now offers a distinct Livable Home department staffed by CAPS-certified associates who can provide home assessments and consultation about an expanded array of products and services now provided by Lowe’s to help homeowners stay in place, then recommends vetted, independent contractors for the work…”
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That is a great idea Colorado_mom! I hope more stores offer those services!!
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I love the idea of stores such as Lowe’s offering products and suggestions for aging in place. However, I was disappointed when it appeared their focus was on >65, at least judging by the grey/white haired models. Better yet would be a focus on universal design that benefits people of a wide range of abilities, ages, sizes, etc., and on products that are attractive.
I’m glad businesses are taking note of the need for more livable homes, but I hope it doesn’t stop with a small array of basic products and a list of CAPS contractors. On some house forums, I continue to see resistance to products that enhance safety and livability because the poster fears appearing “old” and dismisses the idea that universal design is for everyone.
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Someone needs to design grab bars that look more elegant and fit the decor. Whatever is being sold reeks of hospital equipment.
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There probably could have been some universal design features that would have helped us back in the harried parenting days.
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