@thumper1 I thought your idea (above) of staying for part of the year near one kid and part of the year near another sounded really good! Would that work for you?
1 Like
momofboiler1 - I do think (maybe?) the grandchildren piece would change things a bit. Iād certainly consider moving if I could be of help to either of my kids and their (future) families.
My parents helped my so much with my kids. And the geo proximity gave my parents/my kids a much closer relationship - even compared to other grandchildren who lived only an extra 90 mins away.
2 Likes
Sureā¦if I win the lottery so I can buy two new dwellings that are right!
I hear you . Mu hub also thinks two homes are too expensive. He might be right. But, I have been thinking maybe there is a way - say a very much downsized home in one or both. Maybe a rental for a few years in the second home area (then rent out the home base place during the times not there?)?
Living in two locations could get complicated someday if there were a lot of healthcare issues / appointments. But if that happened, I guess you could pick one to be the home base.
4 Likes
Colorado_mom - thatās true. And there are the maintenance issues at the home you arenāt living in (pipe burst? water leak? etc.). A bunch of my neighbors are in the stage of āgetting the beach houseā and I havenāt had a desire to do that at all. Have seen so few places I want to travel and explore different locations.
Iām thinking two locales to placate hub on the cold-weather avoidance issue, LOL.
1 Like
We never thought weād have two places for all the reasons anyone would list, so itās weird to me that we are in that situation, but our second place is in Maine where weāve been going every summer for 25 years anyway, so eventually it just made sense to put a fork in it and recognize that Maine is where we like to be. Worst case if it doesnāt work out? We sell the place and move on.
I was worried about maintenance issues in a place with brutal winters but, really, I donāt think thereāll be any (anything serious anyway). We flush the pipes/sinks/toilets before we leave and turn the heat off completely, so no burst issues, and we turn off all electricity except the one breaker that hosts our wifi/security cameras. We have a new, very steeply pitched metal roof so no concerns about snow buildup. Weāre in the woods, but none of the trees are close enough to fall on the cabin. We just lock and leave.
We consider AZ our home base but will probably downsize again here (sigh). We arenāt concerned about residential water supply in the Phoenix metro area but, should that ever become an issue, weād probably make the cabin with its private well and generator our primary home and perhaps rent in the winter near wherever our son happens to be living at the time, should that make sense.
Hard to predict the future or future needs. One day at a time.
9 Likes
My S, DIL and 15 month old granddaughter live in NC and we live in PA. While I would love to be closer to them and to provide help with childcare, which is much needed, their city is not a place I am anxious to move to long-term, and we donāt want to leave our area while my Hās mom is still alive (she is 85 and doing great, but will of course need more support in the coming years.) I also donāt want to uproot from our friends, social activities and other family members.
Our solution was to help S and DIL purchase a larger house; the one they bought is first floor living for the family, with 2nd floor guest rooms, bath and office space that we use when we visit. This allows us to come and stay for extended periods (currently with them for 9 days) without always being right on top of them, and to leave some clothes, shoes and toiletries so we donāt have so much to pack and carry each time we visit. While we are there we get really great bonding time with GD, and lots of quality time with S and DIL. Then we get to go back to our everyday life, and no need to maintain a residence close to them. So far working really well for us!
Like others, we have thought about various retirement locations, only to realize our best option is to stay where we are and travel to places we would like to visit.
11 Likes
Right now weāve got western NY, northern OH, and mountain PR, so our āplanā includes travels. Itās helpful that all of mine like each other so sometimes our travels are together and sometimes we all gather at one place for holidays (exact date isnāt necessarily the usual one). It might not be ideal, but itās better than nothing.
Sometimes we get together for zoom games too (not on zoom, but on other computer sites - playing the same game like Code Names).
1 Like
Hah! We count on people not knowing exactly where Santa Fe fits into the whole ādesertā thing. Keep thinking that we are all about the flat and sandy and hot, we appreciate it!
3 Likes
Weāve been there as recently as this past June, and to many places all around it in the SW. Itās definitely gorgeous.
1 Like
First of all, I donāt think the subject of moving where the kids are should even come up unless āthe kidsā start asking you to move to them!
There are a lot of people who are really ok/content to stay where they are - either by choice or by necessity. I have never assumed that retirement would = moving. I think that is the last thing that H would ever consider - just picking up and moving. Itās just not in his DNA. He doesnāt get to make the decisions for US but also I canāt imagine insisting anyone do what I want (or vice versa) when they donāt want to.
6 Likes
Iām very glad H and I are on the same page with what we want. I canāt imagine not being so - it must be difficult.
Fortunately, thereās no single ārightā decision for all of us. What we like others donāt, or it doesnāt fit their needs, etc, and vice versa. If we all wanted the same exact thing it would be awful cost-wise.
I find it interesting hearing what others want to or plan to do though.
2 Likes
Not that difficult. I donāt need to have every lifestyle choice I want and neither does he.
We can still coexist even if we arenāt on the same page about some things!
4 Likes
And letās face it. Even when spouses do agree on the ideal location for vacation home(s)ā¦. itās often not affordable on retirement incomes. Itās still fun to dream though 
4 Likes
Well, abasket, thatās a good point. LOL. Son hasnāt explicitly asked us to move but has said it would be nice to all live in the same area. I guess those are two different things, LOL.
Another reason to dial-back my focus on āliving near the kidsā! Probably good for all concerned, ha.
1 Like
We would love to live near our kids (1 just graduated, 1 graduating soon). But if they leave our current area, we donāt plan to follow them - they could move at any time. But if we did, I would not want them to feel any pressure - we would have to make our own lives, friends, move there because we want to live there (even if at some point they donāt live there any more), etc.
If we move, I have thought about them not having to fly where ever we are and then having to drive a long distance. And I have thought about being somewhere nice/fun so they want to come visit.
But I wonder if the reality is that the retired parents probably go visit the kids more than the other way around. Especially if there are grandkids and once the GKs start school.
3 Likes
Iāve been away from this thread for a while, as we are right in the middle of our ānot really downsizingā. It was fun to catch up tonight and reminded how much insight I gained earlier on reading everyone elseās thoughts and experiences. My husband retired at the end of last year and I will retire at the end of next month. Weāve been living in an apartment in central Tokyo for more than 20 years, but in March we will be moving to a house about 20 minutes inland from the coast in southern France, up in the hills. We thought about renting first to get the lay of the land, but that seemed even more complicated, so we just took the leap and bought a place. We have pretty different perspectives on almost everything, so itās been our experience that when we actually agree on something like moving to France or buying this house, we seldom make a mistake. Pulling this project together has been arduous, and we are still two weeks away from the arrival of the packing team so it will only get worse, but I find I am really looking forward to having grass and being able to see the stars, even without any of the specifically French things we will be able to enjoy.
21 Likes
Wow, wow how very cool!! The windy roads and all down to the coast? Please post some pics when you get moved!!!
3 Likes
I donāt think there is anything wrong with sharing with your kids that ādad and I might relocate when we retireā. And then of course they can come back with, āwhy not here where we areāā¦or not!
I think those first years out of college, young adults CAN be mobileā¦trying out areas to see where they fit! It would be a problem of course to play chase around the country!
2 Likes